Welling United 1 - 0 Tanners

Leatherhead’s away record has taken a bit of a beating over the last seven days, falling from unbeaten, to “unbeaten in the league”, to just beaten, as we lose on the road at Welling.

 

Our downfall was created early in the first half, where we looked thoroughly on the back foot. Welling United had their tails up and we were hanging on for dear life. A headed goal inside ten minutes looked like it might be the first of many, but we saw out the first half just 1-0 down.

 

Half-time was enjoyed by taking in the sights of the stadium. If you ignore the dangerous wall behind one goal and the trip hazards involved in walking down a darkened alleyway behind one of the stands, it had an authentic charm that is often lost with more modern constructions. A worthy sounding of the New Ground Klaxon.

 

Onto the game, and Leatherhead came out a different animal. I wouldn’t say we were battering them, but it felt more 60:40 in terms of momentum, as opposed to the 20:80 we had suffered in the first half.

 

We were getting increasingly frustrated by the referee, though. He had already blown his whistle for a foul when, had he played advantage, Kofi would have been through on goal. Welling then went on to give away a string of fouls in the final third. I hadn’t seen so many fouls on the edge of a box without a card being shown. The ref spoke to a player, then warned him that was his last warning, then spoke to the captain to say that was his last warning... and, just to infuriate us even more, the first tackle Cam gets wrong, the ref dives into his pocket.

 

Leatherhead’s unbeaten record could have been saved in the final five minutes when The Lip’s Marcel Barrington had a shot blocked by a defender. Then a ball from a set piece (another foul, ref!) fell to Anas at the far post, forcing a fine save from the Welling ’keeper. From the resulting corner, Sonny came up and got on the end of the cross, only to send it over the bar. The ref then blew for full-time.

 

A worrying slump in league form, but we get the chance to put that right on Saturday with the visit of Stanway Rovers...

Tanners 2 - 2 Eastbourne Borough (lose 1-2 on penalties)

Leatherhead exit the crappiest FA competition on penalties after a trademark comeback from being 2-0 down.

 

We looked reasonably comfortable in the first half, with a few chances, but perhaps lacked some of the intensity needed to keep Eastbourne fully under control. We gave them too much space, and a powerful shot flew in, via a cruel deflection, to make it 0-1.

 

We needed a bright start, and the signs were there, but again we gifted too much space and a well-placed shot was curled into the top corner on 61 minutes. 0-2.

 

The crowd was at about 25% of what we saw last week, but the desire to get something from the game wasn’t, as we went on to pull it back but probably should have had more.

 

The fightback started when we won a penalty. In the first half, Mark Waters was clotheslined by their defender as he went to the ball, with the ref only stopping play for a head injury. The ref commented, as we gave him “advice”, that his daughter was in the crowd and we should not abuse him. I can only imagine his daughter gave him the same advice during the half-time break, because when the same player did something very similar, he gave the penalty. Hogan was first to pick up the ball and smashed it home. 1-2.

 

The equaliser came on 70 minutes. Cam Black, who had already missed an open goal when his header rebounded off the post back to him and he could only prod it wide, either because of the conditions or overthinking, turned and swivelled on a loose ball and found the back of the net.

 

By now, Storm Boelo was picking up where Austen left off and standing water was in areas of the pitch at the end we were attacking, which didn’t make it easy for either team.

 

Somehow, Eastbourne held on and took it to penalties, and that is where our journey ended. If I was to tell you Sonny saved two of the first four penalties, you may be thinking we were safely through, but alas their ‘keeper saved three. The Lip’s Marcel Barrington was the unfortunate player to step up and have his shot saved.

 

So out we go, but straight on to the league with a long trip to Welling, who will be itching to get revenge for the 4-1 we notched up earlier in the season.

Eastbourne Borough are coming!

Game on! Storm Austen didn’t get this game postponed, so we welcome Eastbourne Borough for this FA Sodding Trophy game. We met in August and we came away with a 1-0. The FA Cup heroics may have taken a bit out of the legs though. Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas!

Yeovil Town 5 - 2 Tanners

Since Saturday, Billy Rowley has been mowing the pitch, performing a rain dance and praying to the footballing gods for better luck and he pretty much got everything he wanted as Yeovil Town ran out 5-2 winners last night.

 

The stadium was fairly impressive, but I soon realised how spoilt we are at The Grove for provision of food and drink with the bar and Fan Zones being open to all and covered.  I arrived early to area that consisted of a few tables – half of which were exposed and therefore had wet seats – spread about which could cater for just a small proportion of those due to attend.  I have since been told we were lucky to even be there as it is closed to away fans.  After two and half hours of travelling, I would have been pretty disappointed had that been enforced.

 

Onto the game and Leatherhead got off to a dream start when Mark Waters made a surging run and the ball broke to Kofi, who slotted it past Barker after just 90 seconds. Somewhere Iain Hendry shuddered, as we recall going ahead this early away at Torquay only for it to end in tears.

 

Yeovil did not panic. In fact, they went about their business like a cat with a mouse as they played the ball in front of us, looking for an opening to make it level. Their equaliser came on 15 minutes when a ball was worked down to the left corner, where it was swung in for their big forward to head home from close range.

 

The second goal came just 10 minutes later when a clever pass unlocked our defence, and the ball was calmly slotted into the bottom corner. 1-2.

 

Leatherhead have proved they can come back from these situations but were dealt a major setback when Charlie saw red for following up with a tackle while the Yeovil player was on the ground with the ball at his feet. The ref thought this was reckless and showed a red, which was made all the more infuriating as Charlie himself had been scythed down from behind just minutes earlier, which was only deemed to be a yellow.  Throw in the bad tackle in the first game and it is fair to say the footballing gods were not smiling down on Leatherhead.

 

Certainly as when the half drew to a close, where seeing it out at 2-1 may have seemed like a minor victory, the lino completely failed to see that Yeovil’s striker was about two yards offside when following up a saved shot. 3-1 and the game was done.

 

Fair play to Leatherhead, they never gave up. Even when Yeovil made it 1-4 on 58 minutes, we tried to counter on the break. First, Hogan was put through and could only fire directly at the ‘keeper before Harris made no mistake with a powerful finish to make it 2-4. Soon after, Dryer broke free but fired over.

 

Had just one of the two missed chances found the back of the net, it could have been a nervous end – again – for Yeovil, but another swift move resulted in a tap-in to make it 2-5.

 

So Yeovil Town go on to play Chesterfield (a game they don’t seem too thrilled about) and Leatherhead go out, but not before scoring five goals against National League opposition and sounding the New Ground Klaxon. On to Saturday and the FA Sodding Trophy…

Tanners 3 - 3 Yeovil Town

A sell-out crowd watched a dramatic second half, where both teams thought they had booked their place in the First Round Proper… which they both did, but with a replay on Tuesday.

 

The first half saw Leatherhead try desperately to control the game. The one thing that was clear from the warm-up was that Yeovil wanted to move the ball around quickly, so we had to be disciplined and keep our shape. This limited our visitors to really one sniff at goal, which Sonny dealt with.

 

The one thing that often infuriates me when playing teams from higher leagues is the ref. It is my perception that they favour their buddies and the lower team gets the crappy end of the stick, so when Yeovil’s key player flew into Anas, it was no surprise only a yellow was awarded.

 

Dryer, who was unusually quiet, had our best chance in the first half when he was put through on goal. He looked like he had only the ‘keeper to beat, but then a defender got himself between him and the ball. Somehow, Tom still managed to surprise the ‘keeper with a shot and force a reaction save with his chest. 0-0 at half-time and we were kicking towards our own fans for the second half.

 

Mind games for the start of the second half as we made Yeovil wait for us to come out. If we were two or three minutes late to be physically out, we were three or four minutes late to be mentally out there, as Yeovil pounced and we failed to respond. A swift move was powerfully finished at the near post after just 30-40 seconds. 0-1.

 

The day appeared to be getting worse when the referee rushed to give a penalty. It didn’t look like much more than a coming together, but he saw enough and dramatically pointed to the spot. Sonny, the hero of so many penalties recently, wasn’t needed as the Yeovil player smashed the ball into the crossbar and one of the follow-up attacks was deemed to be offside.

 

Then the game looked dead and buried when Yeovil moved the ball across the box until they found space and whipped in a shot perfectly into the side netting to make it 2-0.

 

On 71 minutes, it looked like it was turning into a massacre when one of our players slid in and clearly took out the trailing leg of their player, but Durkin had seen enough now and felt sorry for us and waved it away. Then something happened…

 

Ian Selley will tell you it was down to the bold changes he made. The extra energy in midfield with Everitt, the power up front of Barrington, the outlet of Hogan, blah, blah, blah… but the truth is a lot simpler. The pitch.

 

The grass, which had been slowly growing all game, finally reached a length that Yeovil couldn’t cope with and Leatherhead pounced. Durkin gave us a foul out on the right and Everitt sent in a cross to the far post, headed back into the middle by Butler for Paget to head into the empty net on 75 minutes. 1-2.

 

Then Leatherhead won a corner from the same side. The ball was swung into the near post but met by two desperate defenders who, between them, could only steer it towards goal. The ball seemed to take an age to spin into the back of the net, but when it did, The Grove erupted.

 

On 85 minutes, anyone who had any vocal cords left suddenly lost them. Yeovil failed to clear a cross and sent the ball high into the air. It was won by a Leatherhead player who played in Mark Waters, who evaded a tackle and sent in a powerful shot. It took a deflection on the way, but the power and precision were too much for Ronnie Barker in goal.

 

Could we have actually booked our place in the First Round Proper? We looked like we had them on the ropes, but then something happened…

 

Billy Rowley will tell you it is about the togetherness of the group, the quality of his signings from lower leagues or the instructions from the sidelines, blah, blah, blah, but the truth is a lot simpler. The weather.

 

On 87 minutes, it started to rain a bit, which gave the pitch the zip Yeovil needed to attack themselves. The one thing you learn quickly when playing a National League side is that passing is quicker and the shots bendier, as Sonny appeared caught off guard by the extra three or four feet of movement from a long-range shot and could only spill the ball into the path of a Yeovil player (who I was surprised wasn’t offside to be in such a position), who tapped it in.

 

Somehow, Leatherhead struggled through the conditions of a slightly damp pitch to the 96th minute, where they had a free kick to try and win it, but for once their ‘keeper managed to deal with it.

 

So, the footballing gods looked down at the replay fixture and pronounced that it is good. See you on Tuesday!

Yeovil Town are coming!

If the fact that Yeovil Town are coming tomorrow has passed you by, where the hell have you been!? Also, get your ticket online before 10pm tonight!

 

One-time Championship side Yeovil Town arrive tomorrow, and everything seems to be going their way. Twelve goals in two games, the appointed referee once gave them a 95th-minute penalty, and their manager can casually recall beating us 4-2 in the Surrey Senior Cup while at Walton & Hersham.

 

Leatherhead are going to have to be on top of their game to overcome all of those omens. But I also recall us holding Rushden & Diamonds to a draw here, and had the ref spotted a push on our defender, we would have won 1-0…

 

Kick-off at 3pm. See you there!

Tanners 1 - 2 Cheshunt

This was as disappointing as it was predictable.  With just a week before we play 12-goals-in-two-games Yeovil, it is understandable that some players might be a little distracted and a little (if not miles) off it.

 

Leatherhead perhaps edged the first half, but the game hardly reflected the league-table positions at kick-off. Dryer fired a powerful shot against the crossbar, only to be adjudged offside, but beyond that there was precious little to get excited about.

 

The second half was petering along until Cheshunt scored. I thought I saw our defender shoved off the ball to allow the cross into the box, but the referee disagreed, and it ended with a simple tap-in. 0-1.

 

That finally sparked Leatherhead into life, and we began to play with some real attacking intent. Anas, who had previously shown admirable self-restraint in crossing whenever he won the ball on the right, decided to take matters into his own hands and unleashed a powerful shot that the ‘keeper could only parry into the path of Kennett, who smashed it into the net. 1-1. Now we pressed for a winner.

 

A double chance came and went, and The Lip’s Marcel Barrington did a Paul Gascoigne by somehow failing to get on the end of a low cross for what looked a certain tap-in. Then our players all seemed to believe they were Morgan Rogers and started trying to bend them in from 30 yards. Amid all the growing excitement and desperation, the one thing that felt inconceivable was that Cheshunt would go down the other end and score — but that is exactly what they did. In the final minute of stoppage time, the ball was worked down the right and coolly slipped under the advancing Sonny Wheeler.

 

1-2, and we drop out of the play-off places. Attention now turns to the new ground arrangements for the visit of Yeovil…

Cheshunt are coming!

League action returns to The Grove with the visit of Cheshunt. We last hosted them five years ago and they beat us 2-1. Hopefully we won’t be too distracted by next week and get revenge. 

Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Tanners 1 - 0 Hanworth Villa

Leatherhead rode our luck, our injuries, and rode on the back of our loan player, to reach the 4th qualifying round for the first time since 2017. 

That was the year we beat Margate away 2-1, and went on to play Billericay in the 1st round proper. Toxic waster dumper Glenn Tamplinn, child puncherJamie O’Hara, drink driver Jermaine Pennant, and mercenary Paul Konchesky, were all humiliated by the famous Leatherhead. 

Today was always going to be a tough game. We like Hanworth Villa for stopping lowly Westfield getting promoted, and for having a manger who speaks truthfully and respectfully. 

Ol’ blue eyes Dicko, Cam Black, and Harry were all missing meaning that Kofie was asked to play alongside Mark Waters again. He will need an ice bath and an oxygen tent after today as Haworth ran us raged for large parts of the game. 

The first half was a cagey affair with Hanworth gradually starting to take advantage of our make shift midfield. The 2nd half started in the same vein and it felt like we were playing Farnham all over again. 

On 67’ Sonny bought down an attacker, who was about to round him and score, and a penalty was awarded. This proved to be an excellent decision by Sonny because he’d saved 4 penalties three days earlier and did so again. 

This rejuvenated our tired legs and agent provocateur Charlie Kennet enticed a right hook from Elliot Bolton who was duly sent off. This act probably cost Hanworth the game. Our lads now started to believe that our number was on a ball due to be picked out by Hawksby and Jacobs at 2pm on Monday. 

The Hanworth keeper who could have sat in a deckchair for most of the game was suddenly sat on his ass as Tom Dryer (who looks and scores goals like Fernando Torres) rifled the ball into the net with a flourishing finish. Scenes. 

If the one in 63 chance of playing Southend becomes a reality it will take place on Saturday October 17th. Sadly the odds of playing Dorking are just the same. 

Meanwhile there is no midweek game so the players can rest their legs, and supporters can ground bag in step 5 or 6.

Hanworth Villa are coming!

Last year’s playoff winners come to The Grove today, for the third qualifying round of the FA Cup. I’m away, but will be following from afar. Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas.

Tanners 1 - 2 Farnham Town

When you arrive see the manager named on the bench, you know we're down to the bare bones. Amongst the list of absentees were Cam Black who was still suspended, and Woking may have decided this competition wasn't worth the risk for Dryer. With both available, it might have been a different result, as we rather ran out of steam in the final third of the game.

 

It started well, though. We were confidently stroking the ball around a largely changed Farnham side. The Lip's Marcel Barrington could have put us 1-0 up, but his powerful downward header was too close to the feet of their keeper. We did go 1-0 ahead when Anas confidently placed a powerful shot into the top corner from a low pass into the box.

 

Farnham did grow into the first half, but we looked quite comfortable and went into the break a goal to the good.

 

The second half, and two things happened. Farnham started taking it more seriously and upped the quality on the pitch. Meanwhile, we grew tired and had to withdraw ours. The telling substitution came when Mark Waters picked up an injury. The cool control we had shown rapidly disappeared.

 

First, they tapped one in, but it was ruled out for offside. It was looking inevitable that our lead was going to go, but could we hang on for penalties? When they did equalise in the 82nd minute, it really didn't look like we could, and sure enough they took the lead just a few minutes later.

 

The handful of Farnham supporters went wild. Even more probably did from the comfort of their own homes, as we appear to have allowed them to stream the game to spare their fans the inconvenience of actually travelling.

 

We tried to force an equaliser during the five minutes of stoppage time, but it didn't come. So we bow out at the first time of asking but avoid the need to voluntarily pull out when it gets wet in January.

 

Onto Saturday then, and the hope of reinforcements for the FA Cup game...

Farnham Town are coming!

Perhaps my favourite cup competition tonight, but it could not have been a tougher drawer with last season’s winners and National League South Farnham Town coming to The Grove tonight. Last minute attempts to move the Hampshire border were thwarted. Oh well. Kick off at 7.45pm. See you there!

Tanners 2-2 Ramsgate (won 6-5 after lots of saved pens)

For some reason the Ramsgate fans turned up very angry. Maybe it’s because they no longer have a ferry route, maybe it’s because they haven’t become a boujee costal chic town like Deal and Whitstable, or maybe it’s simply because we keep beating them. Who knows?!  

This became apparent when a delightful young Ramsgate supporter said to the linesman whilst he was checking the net before the game “give us some f*cking decisions you c*nt.” Not long later after he was ejected following a bizarre scene when the official security guy turned his cap round and started boxing with him. 

We started very brightly - keen to put Tuesday’s sluggish start behind us - and the prolific Tom Dryer curled a beauty into top bins to put us into an early lead. We continued to look comfortable throughout the game and looked to have sealed the deal when The Lip’s Marcel Barrington smashed the ball into the net beating the keeper at the near post. The keeper must have had déjà vu as he succumbed to the same fate during the opening game of the season (credit to Ethan for reminding me and the keeper). 

We then appeared to relax and went a bit Leather-heady. The ref must have been keen to practise officiating penalties as started giving everything to Ramsgate. He waved away a blatant handball for a penalty, fell for the Ramsgate keeper feigning a head injury when he was out of position, ignored a push on Dryer which would have been a free kick outside the box, and allowed Sonny to be elbowed in the head. 

The ref eventually got his way as Ramsgate swarmed all over us scoring on 80’ and 90’. For the first time in living memory, we weren’t allowed behind the goal where the penalties were being taken as the Ramsgate fans were still very angry. In one last gesture of Ramsgate anger their keeper scuffed up the penalty spot to receive a booking. 

Then followed the strangest of penalty shoot outs. Four successful penalties out of 5 were followed by 4 of the lamest penalties you will ever see. All were either missed or were passed gently to the keeper. 

Finally, The Lip’s Marcel Barrington and Kemall decided they’d had enough of this sh*t and scored penalties 9 and 10 to send us into the next round. 

Surrey Senior Cup holders and National League Farnham visit us on Tuesday in a stinker of a draw but a chance for the lads to pitch themselves against higher league opposition. We beat them at home in their promotion season when their (now) gaffer was sent off.

I believe the mighty Tanners have now won our last 4 penalty shoot outs. Don’t test us Farnham!

Ramsgate are coming!

The FA Sodding Trophy rears its head again, with the visit of Ramsgate.  A side that is looking for revenge for our opening game league win and desperate to avoid the 4-1 thrashing they received in the same competition at our place, last year.  Since we played in the league, Ramsgate are only two points behind us in eighth place.

 

Kick off at 3pm.  Good luck fellas!

Three Bridges 3 - 3 Tanners

Looking at the league table, I confidently told someone in the bar before the game that we would score three goals. I had no idea we would need all three just to rescue a point.

 

I also have no idea why we started so badly. Were we hungover from the battle at Ks? Did we take our hosts for granted? All I know is that by the time I’d walked from one end of the ground to the other, Three Bridges had scored. Again, I have no idea how it was scored — I’d only reached the corner flag and had my back to the action.

 

There was no mistaking the second goal. We had the ball in midfield and ran towards our own goal while under pressure. That pressure turned into Three Bridges possession, and their player made space to shoot from distance and beat Sonny with a spectacular effort. Eight minutes in, and it was 0-2.

 

Hogan had already missed one or two good chances before he got his goal. Anas rattled the crossbar, but it fell kindly to Hogan, who powerfully placed the ball into the far bottom corner from close range. 1-2. We were back in it — until five minutes later, when Three Bridges restored their lead with a breakaway goal. 1-3 at half-time.

 

Selley didn’t muck around and made a triple substitution, sending on both of the new signings, Date and Dryer, as well as Kofi. It was not an instant success, as we were trying to play with a combination of new players and a new formation. The shape was now three at the back, with two advanced wide players instead of full-backs. That left pockets of space in the corners, which Three Bridges exploited regularly, and had they worn the same shooting boots as they did in the first half, it could have been a massacre. We rode our luck.

 

The referee did not really affect the game, but he did have an annoying habit of counting down for a throw-in or for the ‘keeper to release the ball with a loud “KEEPER 1 … KEEPER 2 …” rather than the more traditional unit of time, “Mississippi”, and so appeared to award almost twice as much time. As I said, it didn’t change things, but it was a source of further frustration.

 

Then, with 10 minutes to go, Dryer showed why he was worthy of finally playing for a big club. His first shot came from just inside the box, took a deflection, and beat the ‘keeper. 2-3. If his opener was fortunate, there was nothing lucky about his second. He received the ball on the left of the box and turned quickly — you could even say he was a spin Dryer — before firing a powerful shot into the roof of the net. 3-3. Limbs!

 

Now, fair play to Three Bridges. There were still 12 minutes to go, including stoppages, and many teams we will face would have resorted to housery, but not Three Bridges. They pushed to restore the lead and gave us some real heart-in-mouth moments, but we held on and even created a bit of late drama ourselves.

 

The unbeaten away record survives by the skin of its teeth before we head into the weekend and the start of the FA Sodding Trophy…

Ks 0 - 1 Tanners

This was a rare game where the “home” supporters had a trickier journey than the away ones. The only person to endure a more difficult trip was The Lip’s Marcel Barrington, who turned up at Ashford United in Kent believing Ks ground-shared there. Give it a season, Marcel, and you may yet be right…

 

Onto the game, and it soon became clear Ks had not come out to play football so much as foul their way into the next round. Braiden Hall was the first victim and had to be subbed off after just 13 minutes. Then, on the half-hour, the referee effectively gave them the green light to carry on. Dickson went in for a tackle and was slightly late, but the referee appeared to allow play to continue; then, as the ball fell to Mark, he received a heavy challenge with a high elbow. Despite the blood now flowing from his forehead, the referee pulled it back to the original foul and only awarded Dickson the yellow.

 

Combined with dramatic yelping whenever they were touched, Ks had the better of the first half and hit the crossbar twice, but we survived and went in to regroup at 0-0.

 

The second half saw a Leatherhead side more prepared for the dirty tactics, and we took the lead. The referee awarded us a free kick on the edge of the box — having ignored what looked like a penalty in a similar area moments earlier — and Price smashed it into the top corner after the ball had bounced around the area for a while. 1-0.

 

Then it all kicked off. Similar to the incident last weekend, a Ks player came to challenge Price but met him instead with two raised hands and a forceful shove to the ground. A melee erupted and, in the middle of it, Ks’ No. 8 threw a punch at Kennett. One assistant saw it and the referee produced a red card. The other assistant then told the referee that Kennett had done something in the build-up and so he was shown a yellow. That booking meant that, when Kennett was later involved in another foul, the entire Ks bench ran onto the pitch trying to get him sent off.

 

Strangely, going 1-0 down finally persuaded Ks to start playing football and, despite being a man down, they continued to play out from the back in a style that would have made Russell Martin proud. Most of the time the ball was picked off and we could attack again, but there were moments when they looked dangerous.

 

There was still time for yet more controversy as both teams ended up seeing red. Hogan had something brewing with their No. 16 and, in a challenge for the ball in the left corner, was robustly shoved off it by the bigger player. As the ball moved on, Hogan chased and gave his adversary a reminder that he was still there, and the defender reacted. He got Nathan in a neck lock, as if he were Hulk Hogan, and wrestled him to the ground. You could still see the marks on his neck five minutes later. Another bout of handbags followed, and the Ks ‘keeper sprinted to the halfway line, got involved with Cam, went down theatrically, and so our defender also saw red.

 

It was now nine v ten, and Ks won a free kick on the edge of the box in stoppage time, but the effort sailed high and wide. The final whistle blew, another fight broke out, and a Ks child allegedly ran off with one of our footballs. All of that somehow distracted from the one thing that mattered: we are through to the next round.

 

Onto Tuesday, when we play Three Bridges, who refreshingly play in Three Bridges.

Travelling Tanners

There is no day more exciting than FA Cup Day, as we travel to our old friends Kingstonian.  This will mean a trip to Ashford as that is what they call home this year.

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

AFC Whyteleafe are coming!

AFC Whyteleafe, fresh from their 4-0 win at the weekend, come to The Grove for tonight’s league fixture. Our guests will look to try and keep themselves out of the relegation zone, while we hope to cement ourselves in the playoff positions. I’ll be flying in from Estonia, but unlikely to make it to the game in time. Kick off at 7.45pm. Good luck fellas.

Aveley 1 - 2 Tanners

The away form of the mighty travelling Tanners continued with a fantastic hardworking team performance on the wrong side of the Dartford Tunnel (check that you paid the toll). On the other hand the referee was dreadful. I can’t remember ever seeing a player run 30 yards off the ball to elbow one of our players to the ground and only receive a yellow. He needs to get a new hobby, or work his way back down the levels so he can referee at Westfield. The newish Aveley ground - built in 2017 - is impressive if a little sterile and lacking in character. Talking of sterile - after all the high fives at the end of the game - Carex products will be in high demand. Aveley started the game strongly and got an early goal after 5 minutes. After this shock we settled into the game and started to create some chances. Anas - who is now joint top league goal scorer with 6 - pounced on a loose ball at close range to send us into the break on level terms. It was a dogged second half as well, but better than arriving in Tallinn 2 days later than planned due to broken Britain’s ATC systems. This Tanners side has great attitude and fitness and it paid off on 67’ when Anas slid the ball past the keeper for the winner. Despite Aveley pressure we hung on to bag all 3 points. Onto Tuesday and the chance to win a league game at home v Whyteleafe. Vamos!!

Travelling Tanners

Leatherhead make the trip to Aveley today, in a close game as they sit above us on goal difference.

Meanwhile, I get to sing “oh, Leva, Leva. Leva, leva, leva Levadia in Estonia.

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.   Good luck fellas!

Tanners 3 - 0 AFC Croydon Athletic

With an FA Cup tie ahead and good weather forecast, I decided to cycle to the game yesterday, spending a little time beforehand cleaning and oiling the chain. It proved a fitting start to the afternoon: my bike purred smoothly up and over Ranmore Common, and Leatherhead approached the game in much the same way — quietly, efficiently, and always in control.

 

The last time our visitors were here, I leaned heavily into the Stormzy references, but I resisted the temptation this time as there was no sign whatsoever of him or co-owner Zaha. They did not even have a shirt sponsor, which felt slightly odd given the profile of the club’s owners.

 

As for the game itself, Leatherhead struck early. Dicko let fly from around 20 yards out on the left, and with the goalkeeper overcommitted to covering his far post, the ball flew in through the near one. 0-1.

 

AFC Croydon Athletic’s keeper, Amadou, played for Leatherhead not so long ago, and I did wonder if he still had a soft spot for us. He certainly seemed to have a soft spot in his gloves, because in the second half Murphy hit a powerful effort straight at him, only for it to squirm through his hands and drift into the far corner. 2-0.

 

We thought we had a third when The Lip’s Barrington launched a long throw that bounced in via the far post. Cam Black celebrated as though he had got the touch, and it initially looked as though the referee had given it. Somehow, though, the assistant intervened, and apparently as he had not seen a touch through a crowd of players it was enough to rule it out.

 

The AFC Croydon Athletic manager’s post-match interview suggested the better team lost and that his side had controlled the game. Personally, I suspect that was all part of the plan. Leatherhead were happy to let them have the ball in safe areas and then catch them on the break. That was certainly how it played out in the closing minutes, when Hall was sent clean through the middle and calmly slotted away his one-on-one chance. You certainly cannot blame the keeper for that one.

 

Safely through to the second qualifying round, and now a trip to Aveley on Saturday awaits…

AFC Croydon Athletic are coming!

FA Cup action returns as we welcome AFC Croydon Athletic to The Grove today.  We last played this side two years ago was in a friendly where we drew 1-1 and I perhaps over did it with the Stormzy references.

 

Our guests play in the Isthmian South East division and sit just outside the play-off places with two wins and two losses.

 

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Tanners 2 - 3 Dulwich Hamlet

Leatherhead’s players could not match the speed and accuracy of the bar service at the new pop-up bar as they succumbed to their second home defeat of the season.

 

The contrast between home and away defensive performances remains a growing concern. Eight goals conceded in three home games compared with just three away tells its own story.

 

The original linesman appeared to have chosen a village fair over an afternoon at Fetcham Grove and, much like one of our supporters, dropped out at the last minute. Thankfully, a late replacement stepped in — a chap resembling Brian Murphy, who saved the day. He was not exactly overworked, though, and his main contribution was to rule out one of our goals for offside. For the rest of the match, he mostly seemed to wait for the referee’s decision and then agree with it.

 

Leatherhead started the brighter side, but after Dulwich had offered very little for the opening 25 minutes, they were handed a soft penalty. One of their players was judged to have been brought down by Sonny, even though the ball had already gone out for a corner.

 

That left Leatherhead 0-1 down at half-time, which must at least have made it easier for the absent to focus on the craft stalls and the “better than ever” dog show.

 

The second half began with Leatherhead firing on all cylinders. Nathan turned back the clock to last season with a free-kick whipped into the bottom corner, leaving Hudson Sands — on loan from Chelsea and contracted until 2029 — rooted to the spot. If Alonso watches the highlights tonight, he may be tempted to loan him to Westfield at Step 8 instead.

 

Leatherhead were well on top when Kofi’s deflected shot put them into the lead. Then it all unravelled. Dulwich introduced five substitutes, all with pace and power, while Leatherhead looked to be running out of legs. Two of those subs went on to score — the equaliser arriving on 71 minutes when Sonny was lobbed, and the winner in the 92nd minute when a cross was not dealt with.

 

Ten points from the first six games is probably a couple fewer than performances have deserved.

 

FA Cup action follows next week but, more importantly, does anyone know who won the “Best Young Dog Handler” award at Peaslake Fair..?

Dulwich Hamlet are coming!

Old friends , Dulwich Hamlet travel to visit us today, for a Bank Holiday fixture that could see a big crowd at The Grove. While it’s been eight years since we played them in the league, it was only two years ago we beat 1-0 in the FA Cup. Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Eastbourne Borough 0 - 1 Tanners

After last week’s 4-1 loss, I drove to this game with a sense of dread, fearing Leatherhead fans might have to come to terms with two grim realities: a world without Dolly Parton — although Stretch’s slurred tribute made it sound as though he would always love Joey Barton — and what it feels like to lose away from home. Luckily, Leatherhead approached this one with a cup of ambition and snatched all three points at the end.

 

Leatherhead rode their luck, though. Despite having plenty of the ball and looking dangerous down the right wing, it was Eastbourne who clattered the woodwork twice — once in the first half from a powerful header, and then again in the second half from a looping shot.

 

Then, in the second half, the game swung in our favour. It was the referee’s first game at this level, and I thought he did rather well by letting the game flow and certainly not falling for the “touch and flop” antics of the Eastbourne defence. None more so than their captain, who was becoming increasingly frustrated that throwing himself to the floor was not bringing the reward he was used to.

 

He was eventually shown red after two quick yellow cards. The first was a nailed-on booking for a late tackle. For the second, he tried to be cute by bringing our player down from behind — not with a tackle, but by “accidentally” tripping over and rolling into his legs. The referee did the brave thing and sent him off, then heard language he probably would not expect to hear while teaching PE.

 

With the extra man, we pressed for a winner, and just like last season, it arrived in the closing minutes. A low cross from the right was helped on at the near post by The Lip’s Barrington, with Kofi on hand to bundle it in at the far post. 1-0.

 

Injury time seemed to last forever, but full-time finally came, and the players celebrated as though they knew they had come through a real battle. It was a huge three points that lifted us into fourth, but tough opposition awaits in the shape of our old friends Dulwich Hamlet tomorrow…

Travelling Tanners

Today we make the long trip Eastbourne Borough, where we meet a rival with exactly the same points, goals scored and conceded as us after four games.  An away draw, anyone?

 

For me the New Ground Klaxon sounds.  For some, they would have been here in 1997 when they beat us 2-1 in the FA Cup under the name Langney Sports.

 

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Tanners 1 - 4 Maldon & Tiptree

Today was a sobering slap in the face for Leatherhead. After going three games unbeaten, perhaps we had started to get a little carried away, but this was a heavy defeat against a side just as new to the league as we are.

 

Leatherhead looked surprisingly flat compared with the performances we had seen so far. We had plenty of the ball but did little with it. The game was defined by the overhit cross. Time after time, we worked the ball into promising positions, only for the final delivery to sail over the heads of any Leatherhead player hoping to get on the end of it.

 

Then, on the stroke of half-time, we conceded. A simple ball to the far post was met with a side volley and, despite Sonny’s attempt to save it, the ball crept over the line at the far post. 0-1.

 

The second half looked as though it was going the same way until we made a few changes. Kofi’s introduction allowed Hogan to play in a freer role and suddenly we sparked into life.

 

On 54 minutes, Hogan received the ball on the edge of the box, shaped to shoot, then slipped in Anas, who made no mistake to level the score at 1-1. From there, we battered the visitors, with shots going agonisingly wide and one effort blocked on the line.

 

Malden & Tiptree broke away and sent a lofted ball into the box, which was nodded down into the path of an unmarked player and powerfully smashed home on 77 minutes. 1-2. But we still had time and momentum to find an equaliser and perhaps even win it. Then it all fell apart.

 

On 89 minutes, they scored a third. I do not remember too much about it, as I was distracted by a butterfly on the pitch. I will never forget the fourth goal, though. Jackson was around 30 to 40 yards from goal when he received the ball out wide.

 

Inexplicably, he played a lofted no-look pass back towards Sonny, when, had he played a look-pass, he might have noticed Sonny was nowhere near his goal at the time. Given today’s crossing performance, any other Leatherhead pass would probably have sailed harmlessly over for a corner, but this perfectly measured effort lobbed the retreating Sonny, landed on the line, and bounced into the net. 1-4.

 

So, the first defeat of the season is on the board, and now we have seven days to dust ourselves down before the Bank Holiday fixtures against Eastbourne Borough and Dulwich Hamlet.

Maldon & Tiptree are coming!

When I see this club’s name I think of British hotels and small pots of jam, but cannot think of a footballing reason we know them.  Partly as they only became Maldon & Tiptree in 2010 and prior to that they played in the Isthmian League Division One North until they won their league last year.

 

Our guests had a tough start to their Premier campaign, losing 6-0 to Dulwich, but bounced back with a win against Averley (only to then go on and lose to Dartford).

 

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Is this the real life…?

Just a quick post to explain some of the “fantasy” options you have at your disposal.

 

Firstly, tonight is the opening game of the Premier League and if you play FPL you can join the Tanners mini league here (or share code prqpgp)

 

Additionaly, there is a free Tanners Fantasy game (that my son made), where you pick three Leatherhead players and get points for their achievements on the pitch.  That can be joined here.

 

Good luck!

Burgess Hill 2 - 2 Tanners

This was a tough workout for the Tanners — 28C, an artificial pitch, and a third game in eight days at a higher level.

 

The referee, a junior quantity surveyor, soon showed he couldn’t measure up. He compensated for his lack of height with a lack of ability. He conveniently ignored Sonny being pushed to the ground — perhaps it was too early in the game for a yellow — then forgot about playing advantage and reprimanded our bench for politely pointing it out.

 

Burgess Hill have almost as many bars as Westfield have excuses for bottling it last season, and a crowd of nearly 1,000 enjoyed the afternoon staying hydrated in the Sussex sunshine.

 

Cam Black was missing — well, he was named on the bench, but was clearly pretending — which meant Joe Jackson stepped in at centre-back.

 

Burgess Hill opened the scoring on 21 minutes with the follow-up to a saved shot. As we have come to expect, the resilient Tanners bounced back through a superb header from our man of nearly every match, Mark Waters, on 33 minutes.

 

Anas took us into the lead straight after half-time with a cool finish, but after that it was backs to the wall as Burgess Hill Town got an equaliser on 50 minutes and piled on the pressure with some slick football.

 

It’s not easy to beat us away from home — it’s been over a year — and we held out for a very hard-earned point.

 

Seven points from our first three games — we’d all have taken that. The lads get a well-earned week off from the league and can now look forward to a home game on Saturday. It might even rain.

Travelling Tanners

After a great start to the season, we get to travel to our old friends Burgess Hill.  You have to go back 10 years since we last played there, when we lost 3-2.  Let’s hope for better today.

 

Our hosts sit three points behind us, having tasted defeat on the opening day away to Brentwood Town.

 

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  Good luck fellas!

Tanners 4 - 1 Welling United

Coming away with three points on Saturday, after a determined second-half performance, was validation that we could compete at our new level — but that can all change with a couple of heavy defeats. So I entered the ground wondering whether Welling United, a side that probably fancies being there or thereabouts this season, would be the ones to knock us off our not-so-lofty perch. Any fears I had were soon put to bed as we unleashed an unforgiving attack that saw us race into a 4–0 lead by half-time.

 

Anas was first on the scoresheet. A Welling defender failed to cut out a cross and only succeeded in prodding it to Anas, who received the ball about 15 yards out on the right. The keeper must have anticipated a shot across goal, as he seemed wholly unprepared for the effort into the near top corner and could only get the slightest hand to it as it flew in. Just three minutes later he doubled the scoreline when a cross from the left was flicked down into his path a few yards from goal and he calmly slid the ball under the keeper.

 

Twenty minutes gone, 2–0 up, and still part of me worried that one goal from Welling would change the dynamic — but as we neared the end of the half, the game was effectively tucked up in bed. On 41 minutes, Dickson received the ball about 25 yards from goal out on the right and advanced towards goal. We all expected a cross to pick someone out, but instead he let fly with an audacious dipping shot that sailed over the keeper and into the far-side netting — our first goal at the far post of the season. Then, on the stroke of half-time, Waters took hold of the ball in central midfield and let fly after beating a couple of Welling players. The shot took a deflection and, once again, the Welling keeper looked like a man who wished he’d taken up golf instead. 4–0.

 

Into the second half, and Ian Selley activated “Let’s Not Do Anything Silly” mode as we played a far more measured game. The Lip’s Barrington forced a save with a header, and a smart corner routine might have produced another goal with a cleaner finish, but we were rarely troubled for the first 30 minutes. Then, following a number of changes, Welling increased the pressure, created some chances, and hit the post in the process. Eventually they got a consolation on 89 minutes, and had one of the earlier chances gone in, “Binfield” might have been muttered around the ground — but by then the game was won.

 

On to Saturday then, when we travel to Burgess Hill, who beat Three Bridges 3–2 last night…

Welling United are coming!

Tonight we welcome Welling United for the first competitive game that I can remember.  They travelled here in 2012 and 2013 for friendlies but cannot see where we played them outside of that.

 

Back then, Welling United got themselves into the Conference Premier before dropping back down to Conference South until their relegation in 2025.  With an opening day win, they look like a tough test for us tonight.

 

Meanwhile, you can pick your favourite Leatherhead players (well, up to three of them) and enter a side in the Tanners Fantasy League.  More details can be found here tannersfantasy.com.

 

Kick off at 7.45.  See you there!

Ramsgate 1 - 2 Tanners

Leatherhead got one of their longest trips of the season under their belts with a 2–1 win at Ramsgate yesterday, extending their unbeaten away run.

 

We started brightly and got our reward. Kofi picked up the ball on the left, cut inside and drilled a low shot into the bottom corner. It may have taken a slight deflection, but the keeper should have done better with his attempt to save it. 1–0.

 

Shortly afterwards, Ramsgate’s No. 18 lost his head and found the referee in a charitable mood. We were attacking down the right when he stormed in from behind, leading with a forearm into the back of the head and bringing our man down. On another day — or a little later in the game — it might easily have been a yellow, but he was instead let off with a talking-to. He was then involved in two more incidents, including one where the assistant appeared to spot something off the ball, and still only got another word in his ear. He was fortunate to still be on the pitch by the time he eventually picked up a yellow in the second half — at which point he finally piped down.

 

Meanwhile, Leatherhead had gone all England in the face of Argentinian-style pressure and were defending desperately for the last 30 minutes of the half — until we popped up with a second goal. A cross from the right sailed over everyone and found Murphy alone at the far post. His powerful volley beat the keeper, again at his near post, which perhaps offered a clue as to why he had No. 13 on his back.

 

It is a testament to last year’s squad that nine of them started this game. It is also a testament to the recruitment work that both of the new signings got on the scoresheet.

 

At 2–0, with only two minutes of added time left, Leatherhead relaxed. We relaxed a little too much and allowed Ramsgate to saunter down the left, put in a cross, and pick out an unmarked player to head home. 2–1, and in we went for half-time.

 

The second half was a completely different affair in terms of our confidence and control. Ramsgate rarely put us under pressure, while we dictated the game in search of a third goal. A few performances are worth calling out. The Lip’s Barrington came on for Breckon and completely changed our dynamic up front. Ramsgate’s No. 5 had Breckon well under control, but Barrington’s pace and power changed all of that and suddenly we had an outlet. He also hit the outside of the net when he again looked to beat the keeper at — no surprises — his near post. Hogan came on and had a good chance to get the third, but opted for a lob that sailed over. Lastly, Charlie Kennett — what a performance. He won his duels and was a constant thorn in the side of the hosts.

 

We held on for all three points and headed home strangely disappointed to be outside the play-off places on goals scored. On to Tuesday then, when we host Welling, who also won at home to Whitehawk.

Travelling Tanners

Since their revival, Walton & Hersham is a side we have not done well against so last week’s 2-1 win is the perfect way to end the pre-season and get into the season ahead.  This starts with the long trip to Ramsgate.

 

Ramsgate is a side we don’t play often.  There was the FA Sodding Trophy last season and then we have to go back to 2019 where we won 2-1.  Going back to 2013 we also opened the season and won 1-0 thanks to a Matt Smart goal.  Strangely I missed both of these away trips so the New Ground Klaxon sounds for me.

 

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Walton & Hersham are coming

Walton & Hersham arrive at the Grove today in our final friendly of the season.  I hope we can get through it without any injuries before we make the long trip to Ramsgate next Saturday.

 

Both sides enjoyed title winning seasons last year.  Our guests won the Southern League Premier South to earn promotion to the National League South for the first time in its history.

 

Kick off at 3pm.  Good luck fellas!

Ashford Town Middlesex Are Coming!

Luke Tuffs brings his side to the Grove as we near the end of our preparations for next season. Hydration breaks will no doubt be put in force today, as it looks hot out there. Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas.

South Park 4 - 2 Tanners

The bogey ground of South Park restored its calamitous effect on Leatherhead, as we came away from this fixture with a 4–2 defeat. The Lip also appears not to have lost its touch when it comes to sponsoring players, as no sooner had I confirmed I wanted to sponsor Marcel than I looked over to see him on the sideline with a bandaged knee.

 

South Park have worked hard on making the ground look a lot nicer, and we probably spent more time admiring it than we did Leatherhead’s play on the pitch. It did start brightly though, as Anas broke clear down the right and finished at the near post. Danny Bracken will struggle to get to his targeted 1,000 appearances with that attempt to keep it out.

 

Leatherhead’s dominance did not translate into more goals, so we went in at half-time ahead. I sent my son off to the car to pick up a cardigan as the temperature was dipping, so it amused me that we needed hydration breaks. I hope the World Cup hasn’t made this a permanent fixture…

 

Out they came for the second half, and it all went south for Leatherhead. First, a long-range shot found its way into the back of the net, and then a smart shot on the turn, just inside the box, also beat Sonny. Sonny was quickly swapped out to see if that would change our fortunes.

 

Nathan Hogan put us back on level terms with a finely placed curling shot from the left that clipped the post and went in to make it 2–2. Any hopes of going on to win it disappeared when South Park curled one in directly from a corner and then scored with another shot from distance.  2-4.

 

Preparations for next season will have to step up with the visit of Ashford Town (Middlesex) in the Luke Tuffs Derby.

Travelling Tanners

After the weekend’s comeback where Leatherhead turned out to be the Argentina of Surrey with a long range shot and a close-range header in the dying minutes (that reference made more sense when I drafted it before the final on Sunday) to beat Merstham 2-1, we travel to South Park in fine form.

 

Our hosts finished 10^th last season and were probably shaken by not getting the six points this bogey side usually get from us as we shook off the hoodoo and won both games without conceding.  That’s jinxed it, then.

 

Kick off at 7.45.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Merstham are coming!

Old friends, Merstham, arrive at The Grove today for our next friendly. Merstham play in the Isthmian South East division and finished 10th last season. Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas.

Tanners 3 - 2 Dorking Wanderers

For the first time in four years, Leatherhead not only made this game competitive but walked away with the trophy. After 5–1 last year and 4–1 the year before, it was starting to become one of those fixtures where you wondered when it would be polite to leave early. This year, though — with some promising-looking new signings — we looked the part.

 

Leatherhead survived an early scare when Dorking hit the post, but it was Leatherhead who opened the scoring. We won a free-kick outside the box and Hogan stepped up and — not deterred by the distance — bent it over the wall and into the side netting. 1–0.

 

The lead lasted around 20 minutes before it started to feel as though the game was heading in its usual direction. The ref awarded a soft free-kick, almost identical in softness to the one Mexico won just before half-time. The ball was sent in and George Nikaj finished it off. Four minutes later he picked up the ball just inside our half, drove at our defence and found the bottom corner with a low shot. Somehow, we managed to hold on until half-time and go in only 2–1 down.

 

The second half started and two things struck me. First, the Dorking “ultras” — prepubescent teens who swapped ends just to look “menacing”. I’d thought they’d stayed at the end we were shooting in during the first half because they’d gone there by mistake, but their decision to change ends after the break proved it was a deliberate ploy. They even wore matching all-black outfits in a further attempt to “intimidate”, but what they failed to realise is that, amongst other things, their middle-class Dorking background meant their uniform was purchased in stored like Urban Outfitters or Superdry. The Stone Island / Lonsdale-wearing youth of Moneyfields would have taken one look at this lot and run amok with them.

 

The second thought was just how much better the team that came out after the break looked. Dorking will say that was because they fielded some academy players. I’m sure they’ve done that in the past and still won 5–1, though. This time, we were taking the game to them and looking the better side.

 

An attack down the left found Anas unmarked. Despite the cross being a little high, he dispatched his volley coolly into the top-left corner. 2–2. Then Barrington started making his presence known.

 

Last season, Barrington’s late arrival gave the impression of someone who was handy to have around. In just 45 minutes here, he produced a man-of-the-match display and was a constant menace to the Dorking defence. So much so that on 80 minutes the Dorking “ultras” went back to the end they were shooting towards — this wasn’t fun anymore.

 

In the closing stages, he fired a shot onto the crossbar, scored from close range only for it to be ruled out for being a little too rough on the poor Dorking Wanderers keeper, and then finally got his goal. He received the ball on the penalty spot, made room for himself and then fired the ball into the top-left corner. 3–2.

 

So, the Advertiser Trophy and the Mole Valley are green and white again. Here’s hoping that continues into the season ahead…