Tanners 3 - 0 East Thurrock

Something must have gone wrong at East Thurrock, as they turned up with only one sub and a team that failed to compete for much of the game.  Just before kick-off East Thurrock got into a close morale boosting huddle and given the hysteria over the virus I was surprised they weren't all shown a red card for dangerous play.

Leatherhead put the visitors to bed after within the first 30 minutes.  First it was Ibz, allowed to play from his period of quarantine on the bench, struck with a confident shot under the 'keeper.

On 24 minutes, Robinson when all Ronaldinho and lobbed the 'keeper while pretending to cross...

Then on 30 minutes, a Leatherhead player was knocked to the ground while competing for a ball in the air.  Penalty awarded and  dispatched by Ikebuasi.

Into the second half and Leatherhead aimed to manage the game and attacking chances became more scarce.  East Thurrock did lift themselves but their No 7 decided the best way to compete was try and get our players sent off, which he did masterfully when Lema reacted to something and slapped him.

A pity as it took the edge off of a fine win... a win that makes the long trip to Potters Bar even more interesting....

East Thurrock are coming!

A big game today; a there or there abouts six-pointer.  We've worked hard to get this game on, that will be a very different challenge to the one presented on Tuesday.

I'm only going on the off chance there will be some toilet roll in the Tanners Bar.  Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Tanners 4 - 0 Potters Bar

Leatherhead run out comfortable winners and send their goal difference into positive numbers but, if Potters Bar could hit the target, the result could have been very different.

Leatherhead laboured for much of this game.  From the touch line, Nikki screamed for the team to liven up but Potters Bar were proving to be a very touch team to break down.

Potters Bar were carving out chances.  On 15 minutes they shot just wide and then on the half hour mark a cross found a player completely unmarked and Zak no where to be seen, but his shot went wide.

On the stoke of buying half time tea, we struck.  Brown was played in with no defence anywhere to be seen, it was like a penalty (only a couple of yards further out) and he made no mistake.  Bottom right, 1-0.

Second half and more of the same.  Potters Bar missed a couple of more sitters.  One was spectacular, in that the player skipped past Zak and had the goal at his mercy - albeit from a tightish angle - and sent his shot for a throw in.

The game became more comfortable when the 'keeper brought down Robinson and he stepped up to score the penalty.  Relief given the poor form we had from the spot at the start of the season.

Then the game changer.  Ibz and Robinson were finally unleashed together and we were unstoppable. 

First, a low strike from Robinson continued his scoring form.  Then, Hester-Cook was brought down in the box, but the referee had met his "only one penalty per side" unofficial quota so waved play on.  Robinson pounced first with a low strike that was saved and as the ball spun in the air Ibz used his strength to head it home.

Quite the game and we do it all again on Saturday with the arrival of East Thurrock...

Potters Bar Town are coming

Potters Bar Town come to the Grove after a few days of Jorge-less weather.  There is no need for a pitch inspection but a yellow double sock warning has been issued.

Nikki has issued his target for us to reach the play-offs and tonight must be one of those must-win games.  It is not a "banker", by any means, but you simply cannot hold hopes of reaching the promised land without winning a home game like this.

There will also be an opportunity for the club to pay their respects to Les Benjamin, who passed away last week.

Kick off at 7.45.  See you there!

Tanners 4 - 0 South Park

Leatherhead put out a strong side last night - in hindsight a cruelly strong side - in order not to repeat past slip ups in the FA and Surrey Senior Cup.

The damage was done very early on.  Sherringham opened his account with a deft header and followed it up with a low strike that the 'keeper failed to keep out.  Soon after, the moment of the game.  The ball was chested down into the path of Rowe, who was some 23-25 yards out, and he calmly lobbed the 'keeper using the outside of his right foot. A sublime finish that was worth the full entrance fee of £12 (a fee that must have turned a visiting supporters blue).

At 3-0, the aches and pains of the visiting 'keeper suddenly were amplified and he did not look comfortable at all.  The Leatherhead fans showed a great deal of concern and compassion to the 'keeper; well, they should have done.

Second half did not live up to the first but kudos to Oyenuga who made it 4-0 and comprehensively put us through to the semi-final.

South Park are coming

Surrey Senior Cup night tonight and so far it seems it is on.  I have no idea what to expect with some players, probably, who will not be able to play due to their parent clubs not allowing it...

I seem to recall South Park beat us in this competition a few years ago, so we need to be better than we were on Saturday.

Kick off at 7.45.  See you there.

Bowers & Pitsea 3 - 0 Tanners

Not even updating my spreadsheet for a new ground visited could lift my spirits following this dismal defeat.

Some people likened this performance to that of Corinthian-Casuals but it many ways it was far worse.  Worse because of the journey to and from the game and certainly worse because of the strike force we had our disposal.

Strangely two players that I would have thought would be nailed on to start were on the bench.  Ibz, a player who was scoring for fun before he left, and Robinson, a player who had appeared to have filled the gap when Ibz left, both sat there while the disaster unfolded.

It didn't take long.  On five minutes they scored from a seemingly harmless position.  As they did on the stroke of half time with another goal.  I can't describe these goals (nor indeed the third in the second half) as they caught me by surprise and I missed all of them.

Sherringham did make the starting line-up and just while we were deciding whether he looked like his father or not he nearly scored for us.  A classy chest down and side volley beat the 'keeper but went wide of the post.

Second half and with the winds at our backs we looked slightly more attacking.  Rowe tried a long range effort, that looked destined to be goal of the season until it struck the bar.

From then on we topped up our attacking options by adding Ibz, as a false 9, and throwing in Robinson but it did not make much difference.  We didn't look like scoring and our hosts cruised out for a comprehensive win.

Tuesday remains a mystery as it appears the game will be played providing at least one pitch is up to it.  If not ours, it will be switched to South Park's ground... 

Travelling Tanners

Bowers & Pitsea means the new ground klaxon sounds again!

Leatherhead travel into Essex with a boosted strike force. Sherringham adds Leatherhead to his growing list of clubs he has played for, while Ibz returns.

Hopefully we can avoid a trip to the losers' cafe today as Nikki Bull's search for a play-off place continues...

Game off

Surprise turned into optimism turned into farce as the game got called off at 2.10 today.

I arrived at the Grove at 1.30 to sit down with a fish and chip supper, with the expectation of seeing a game. I was chatting with an old friend when the rumour started, the ref had called the game off.

Leatherhead players were still out with the ball, while Horsham had headed inside.  The word being the goal mouths were not fit to play on.

Strange, as at that point the rain had been light since the inspection which had deemed it OK. Perhaps the ref had one eye on the forecast.

Disappointing but we were probably spared a diabolical game in the wind...

Horsham are coming!

I'm amazed. An early pitch inspection passes for the first time in living memory, but with Storm Denis looming large I hope it isn't a wasted effort.

Points were shared on the opening game of the season. I wasn't sure if it was a good point or points lost but as our fortunes took very different directions over the following eight games it looks an increasingly good one.

They have fallen away a bit, but it is going to be a tough one.

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there.

Tanners 1 - 1 Ks

Four security staff greeted me on arrival at The Grove last night.  They were on amber alert - because someone had tweeted rude words about one of them - so had triggered their stop and search powers against anyone matching the description.  Time well spent.


Onto the game and Leatherhead opened with passages of play that looked as good as I have seen for a long while.  Some good saves, some near misses and an offside flag prevented us from building a healthy lead in the first half.


Ks had a few chances of their own and made one count when Sow made enough room to fire a diagonal shot into the bottom right corner.


Tanners finally made one count when pressure from a corner finally allowed a shot on goal to be dropped into the path of Jerry, who snapped up his chance.


Half time, with a sit down and a cup of tea.  Smashing.


Second half and Ks suddenly thought they were Barcelona, insisting on passing it out from the back. Either Leatherhead were too good at pressing or Ks lack the skill to carry this out as they became camped in their half, as errors and interceptions meant they constantly lost possession.  Conversely, they were there behind the ball to make our chances limited.


Ks then got a grip of the game and looked like they were going to steal all three points for 10 minutes as the game drew to a close.  DSane made a tricky run on goal, sending our defenders all over the place only to place a tame shot directly at Zak.  Relief for Leatherhead supporters.  Further relief as we discovered Ks had lost their proof of purchase and couldn't send him back.


Leatherhead were now playing on the break and in the last couple of minutes missed a close range header and had a powerful shot saved to prevent us from having the glory of a derby win.


We have a big game Saturday but in the spirit of Leatherhead's financial governance I am not going to tell you what it is...

Ks are coming

Our old lodgers turn up tonight and, judging by their preview, will need all 200 stewards to enable their fans to find their way around our disorganised ground.

Leatherhead, weakened by the loss of D'Sane, struggle on in 9th place... seven points ahead (albeit having played two games more).

Kick off at 7.45.  Allow one hour for security checks... take off your shows and belts at the turnstile and only 100ml of fluids, please.  See you there!

Tanners 3 - 1 Bishop's Stortford

Not the best preparation for our visitors as they parted company with their player-manager, Jamie Cureton.  The sudden departure and unusual betting patterns in the Brockham area, meant that no bookie in the land would take your money on this game.  A pity, as Leatherhead run out (eventually) comfortable winners.

The game was not a classic but the opening was quite the strike.  Robinson makes it two games in a row, this one being a powerful shot into the top corner.

The second half did not look promising and as this is not the Leatherhead of last year, 1-0 is no guarantee of anything from the game.  Luckily Rowe opened his account and made it more comfortable.

Bishop's Stortford did pull one back.  We seemed upset with the ref for some reason, but it looked pretty straight forward to me.  A ricochet wrong footed everyone in green and they slotted it home.  Back to being uncomfortable...

The visiting 'keeper then became the pantomime villain.  He got down low to a shot and clearly pushed it away for a corner.  The ref missed this but the assistant seemed to have seen something and flagged the attention of the ref.  Not owning up to touching it is one thing, but to run over the officials and blatantly lie is another.  

We got the last laugh as when Stefan Brown fired a similar ball at goal it went straight through his lying, cheating hands.  3-1.

Big game Tuesday!

Bishop’s Stortford are coming

Leatherhead mastered alchemy last week; turning a scrap heap of a first half into second half gold.

We've brought in a few new players to add to our wizardry; but a few have done a disappearing act.

Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Cheshust 1 - 3 Tanners

A long journey to arrive to a new ground that hasn't quite found its place in life to see a game that took a long time to find its way.

The first half was, frankly, bloody hard work.  The only action came when Travis seemed to be fouled in the box.  The ref, who would struggle to control a topside, appeared to chicken out of a big decision and awarded a freekick just outside the box.  Leatherhead didn't mince their words when complaining, but to no avail.  Freekick only and it came to nothing.

Into the halftime break and spare a thought for the solitary steward.  Without four or five colleagues he had to deal with the inevitable pitched battles in the stands, put out car fires in the car park and break up a knife fight in the bar.

Into the second half and it looked to be much more of the same 0-0 football we had seen in the first half, until it suddenly sprung into life.  It all started when we had Zach... in attack... taking all the shots on the goal... and he got his opener from a tight angle.  A powerful shot seemed to me to hit the side netting and fir a while I wondered what some of the other fans were so excited about.  It took a couple of seconds for me to see it had beaten the 'keeper near post.

Moments later the 'keeper was probably partially at fault when a Hester-Cook shot squirmed under his body to make it two nil.  Robinson's free run on goal and cool finish put the game beyond doubt and silence the megaphone that surely would have been confiscated - along with photographic evidence - at the Grove.

Cheshunt did get one back; a slight mix up allowed them to tap it in from close range but it was not enough and they now slip into the "it depends" relegation place.  Leatherhead, meanwhile, move to within five points of the play-off places and prepare to face Bishop's Stortford on Saturday...

Travelling Tanners

NEW GROUND KLAXON!

Tomorrow we travel to Cheshunt FC, a side that came up via the play-offs; beating Bracknell 3-0 in the final.  Our new friends are nestled in the lower half of the table, but have ambitions for bigger things with an application for a new 2,000 stadium (plus housing) just being submitted.

Leatherhead have stuttered a little in January.  Let's see what happens in February...

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Tanners 3 - 0 Sutton

Sutton United sent fringe players and a group of young boys to do a man's work at Fetcham Grove in the Surrey Senior Cup. It wasn't enough and we comfortably ran out 3-0 winners.

 

You have to admire the commitment of our club hero and talisman Jerry who is now commuting all the way from Manchester in order to carry on playing for us. Chloe expected nothing less but is preparing herself for the worst. Meanwhile, our new striker who was commuting from McDonalds three times a day appears to have left.

 

The club must have been expecting trouble from the crowd of 188 as four security personnel guarded the entry to the ground. Car boots were opened and under vehicle inspection mirrors deployed in scenes reminiscent of Belfast in the 1980s. The DEFCON must have been stepped down in the 2nd half as they stood around chatting in the bar. Surely the money spent on employing them would be better spent on players. If you exclude Jamie O'Hara, there hasn't been any trouble at Fetcham Grove for 30 years.

 

It was a horrible night for Sutton Academy 'Keeper Mbeta as he watched a gentle free kick from Mischa drift slowly into the net. He could have caught it, punched it, or tipped it over the bar, but decided instead to just admire it into the net. Charlie Hester-Cook, who has rapidly become our MVP, added two more in the second half to secure a comfortable win.

 

We will be expecting another animated performance when we host South Park in the quarter final in our last realistic hope of glory in a strange uneven season. Hopefully Woking will do us a favour and field a strong enough side to knock out our smug neighbours in one of the other quarter finals.

Tanners 0 - 0 Merstham

I had the song of "...and we've still got Nikki on the bench" should we have raced to a comfortable lead against Merstham, but they are a very different side since adding 2-3 players to their squad recently.

We opened well, but faded towards the end of the first half.  This was our best chance of scoring as a looping header was cleared off the line, we had a goal disallowed for offside (must have been close) and struck the post.

Second half, we finished strongly but didn't really create the chances as we had in the opening 45 minutes.

Tonight, we welcome Sutton to the Grove for the second round of the Surrey Senior Cup.  Expect a big crowd; I would say easily five... no six hundred stewards could be at the Grove tonight.  Kick off at 7.45.  Good luck fellas.

Merstham are coming

The Mick Sullivan Derby tomorrow, with the visit of Merstham.

Barry Hayles left the pitch after the away fixture in a rather marked manner; seemingly furious with the ref for allowing them to be completely out-played.  They will no doubt be out for revenge tomorrow...

On the one hand they may be up against it.  They sit just above the relegation places with the worst goal difference in the league.  On the other hand, they just beat Horsham and we seem to have a growing injury list.

Lick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Worthing 2 - 0 Tanners

Even by Leatherhead's past standards of League Cup squads, this was a weak line up to face high flying Worthing.  Not brought about through a complete failure to take the competition seriously (as we have seen under past regimes) but through an accumulation of injuries, being cup tied and bad luck.

That said when Nikki Bull appeared on the team sheet, playing upfront, eyebrows were raised.  For those travelling there was further concern when the bench of subs, turned out to be just Macca; presumably wearing a host of disguises to get away with the ruse.

Where past exploits from senior players, who recently being played while others were given the night off, resulted in capitulation the team were galvanised by the challenge at hand and held their own in the first half.

Things did start falling to pieces when Macca came on to replace the injured Pringles (a nasty injury it seems) and Will Salmon hobbled off without anyone to replace him.

We did have a glorious chance to score though, with Nikki through on goal but fell over at the vital moment.  A wonderful throw back to the Joe Sheerin years.

Pressure told in the end and Worthing scored in the second half and then doubled their lead through a penalty.

Hopefully the cup-tied and the unavailable will return on Saturday when we play the Mick Sullivan Derby... Merstham are coming!