Uxbridge 10 - 0 Tanners

If Uxbridge were accused of over celebrating 10 days ago, today they were guilty of over-scoring as they took full advantage of a completely gutless display from a well-backed Leatherhead side.

 

I can't describe many of these goals.  Firstly, I am too disappointed and secondly, I missed half of them.  Two goals spring to mind though.  Their first goal came after Uxbridge's No 4 misplaced a pass and we gained possession.  Rather than build anything we played an lazy ball forward that was intercepted and they went on to score for their possession.  Their fourth goal came from our corner and a good ball in needed someone brave to get a head on it.  Bravery wasn't on the table today and he pulled his head away and Uxbridge marched up the pitch and score.

 

No head injuries for Uxbridge today.  That would need us to get near enough to touch them; not a bit of it as our hosts cruised around in second gear.

 

Into the bar at half time and some light relief as we watched the Grand National.  Oh, how I wished someone would come out onto the pitch and set out a white tent around the stricken Leatherhead team and put us out of our misery as it was about to get a lot worse.  By the time I emerged from the bar, walked past Sonny Wheeler who was enjoying a kebab, and got to the half way line it was 5-0.

 

We did dispatch a few shots – one shot even hit the bar – but in reality Uxbridge were not coming out to tread water and went on to score another five – five! - goals.   You can point to not having our first choice 'keeper in goal, but if that is really the case you should be working harder to protect him, but I saw precious little of that.

 

Miracles do happen, but with our impressive goal difference affectively halved it is going to take a lot to make the play-offs now…

Travelling Tanners

A chance to reacquaint ourselves with housery and over-celebrating of Uxbridge today. With a coach going, this should exceed their (checks notes) 171 average home attendance.

Kick off at 3pm. See. You. There!

Tanners 3 - 2 Ks

29 March used to have the special meaning for me as my wedding anniversary: 21 years today.  Scrap that, it is now 0 years since we scored in the 97^th minute to beat Ks and keep our chances of finishing in a play-off place alive.

 

It did not look like it was going to turn out that way from the first 20 minutes as we started much like we did against Farnham; like meek rabbits caught in the headlights.  Any hopes of blundering our way through it faded when a ball into the box took a wicked deflection off Cameron Black and went in on just six minutes.

 

Leatherhead did not take the early punch well and staggered about on the ropes for a further 14 minutes until something clicked.  Suddenly Leatherhead were relentless and sending in shots from all over the place.  The opening goal came from a brief period of head-tennis and eventually Cameron Black was at hand to head home to atone for his own goal.

 

Just two minutes later our pressure resulted in another goal.  Some nice build-up play down our left got the ball into Alfie Huckle in the box who sent in a powerful shot into the bottom right corner.  A defender dived and used his hand to try and save it, but it found the side netting to spare him a red card.  We should have really scored more but we ended the half 2-1.

 

Second half, for 40 minutes was a fairly even and tame affair.  Then it all happened.  Ks had been growing in the game for some time now but we had largely managed to hold them at bay.  Then we found ourselves with a player one on one with the 'keeper to make it 3-1… his shot was too near the 'keeper not once but twice and the chance was lost.

 

As we entered stoppage time, Ks launched what they hoped would be the last attack of the game as the referee saw a foul and signalled a penalty.  Wheeler guessed the wrong way and at 2-2 it looked like our season was over.  The referee allowed play to go beyond the four minutes signalled to allow Leatherhead to attack from the restart.  After a couple of false starts we broke with the ball down the middle… that went left and then right to Everitt who smashed it into the top right corner.  3-2.  Limbs.

 

When the whistle came, more wild scenes followed as our players – Uxbridge, please take note – celebrated in front of their supporters rather than goad the away support.   Onto Saturday then, when we reacquaint ourselves with Uxbridge again…

Ks are coming

Former-tenants Ks come to the Grove today for this Surrey derby. The club lost to their current hosts in the week, so no doubt they will be looking to bounce back strongly.

A closely contested away game ended 1-1 earlier in the season.

Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Tanners 0 - 1 Uxbridge

Leatherhead's good form came crashing down, last night, as Uxbridge did a bit of number on us.

 

Overall, Leatherhead looked quite good.  We were attacking but Uxbridge always managed to stick out a foot and block a shot for crucial pass, to snuff out any chance we had.  The best coming from a corner, where a deflection seemed to beat the 'keeper to score an own goal but there was a foot to save the defender's blushes.

 

Uxbridge's goal was therefore disappointing.  It appeared we had dealt with an Uxbridge attack, only to lose the ball again and set up a shot from the edge of the box.  It was a speculative as it was under hit but its accuracy was enough to beat the diving Wheeler.

 

The second half spung into life and the referee tried his best to give us the win with a sending off and a soft penalty.  The player that won the penalty celebrated a bit too much, it hadn't been scored yet and the sheer size of the 'keeper must have been daunting.  As soon as Kane hesitated in his run up, the 'keeper already had half a glove on it.  He guessed correctly and saved with ease.

 

Down to ten men, Uxbridge seemed to suffer a series of head injuries that needed treatment and for the game to stop.  So prolific was their misfortune, Sir Chris Whitty was seen setting up for a press conference to explain the sudden pandemic and what could be done to stop the spread of the condition.  Ultimately blowing the final whistle was enough, as their players we able to robustly over-celebrate in front of our supporters rather than acknowledge the travels of their handful of fans that made the trip.

 

Onto Saturday, where we face K's who had their own taste of disappointment last night…

Uxbridge are coming!

I couldn't make Saturday's game, away at Badshot Lea, as I was taking my daughter to an "experience day" at Winchester Uni.  While this made me feel my age, an early goal helped keep the grey hairs at bay as we went on to win 4-0.

 

Tonight, will be a very different challenge as third place Uxbridge come to The Grove.  They come eighth in the form league, having lost 4-2 to Rayners Lane at the weekend.

 

Kick-off at 7.45pm.  See you there!

Travelling Tanners

Non League Day brings a trip to bottom-of-the-table, Badshot Lea. Looking at the other fixtures, this could be quite the opportunity to put even more pressure on fifth spot… or a massive banana skin…

Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas!

Hanworth Villa 0 - 1 Tanners

Ian Selley did his homework for this game and was awarded a distinction by teacher as Leatherhead smashed and grabbed 3 points at the division's in form team.

Villa had won 6 of their last 7 league games using various housery tactics such as banning supporters from behind one of the goals for no apparent reason, and removing all grass from the playing surface such as to resemble a test match wicket at Faisalabad.

With only 9 games left and 8 points behind the hosts this was a must win, but the gaffer set out with a seemingly must not lose 5-5-0 formation. This restricted both sides to very few chances with a lot of head tennis and hoofing. 

There were no health scares in the first half and thankfully we were still all clear at half time. The most entertaining moment coming when Martin Lewis, on TV in the club house, advised everyone on the best savings rates. Monument Bank 4.75% per annum max 3 withdrawals per annum.

In the second half, the referee continued to look like he had been called up from the local Sunday league with a series of incorrect decisions. Just as it looked like no one would score if we played all night, Ian Selley pulled a rabbit out of the hat and changed formation with the introduction of Ruben with 15 minutes remaining.

Suddenly we were all over Hanworth and had 3 good chances but it was the old warhorse "Pearcy" who leapt like a salmon at the far post on 93 minutes. Absolute. Limbs. Even Mick sounded upbeat during the post match interview.

Our next match is against the bottom side whilst Hanworth and Hartley both have tough fixtures. 8 games left 5 points adrift. Dare we dream…………

Travelling Tanners!

A trip to Feltham awaits tonight, for what is surely a drink at the Last Chance Saloon. For a second we were within four points, then you blink and the table looks completely different.

Our hosts, Hanworth Villa, are sitting three points better off than they were on 89 minutes, at the weekend. Two late goals push them up into the coveted last play-off place.

Kick off at 7.45. Good luck fellas!