Tuesday, March 31, 2026

Hayes & Yeading 0 - 0 Westfield

A large traveling contingent of four young Westfield supporters made the short hop to West London. On arrival they were shocked to discover that they had to pay an entry fee as home games are free to the majority of their supporters.

The referee appeared equally disinterested in this mid-table clash and couldn't be bothered to start until 19.50.

Hayes were keen to avenge the 7-0 embarrassment of 2 months ago in the reverse fixture, although since then Westfield have fallen down the form table alarmingly; resembling Fareham more than their Portsmouth area rivals.

Hayes had the better of the first half (tho' this deputy reporter is very biased) with the mild mannered and well spoken away 'keeper spilling shots and crosses on a couple of occasions. The first half missed the class of a Hogan or an Anas and remained goalless.

The 2nd half was very uneventful. Neither side seemed capable of even mustering up the dark arts and housery to liven things up.

On a mild evening there will be no need for the traditional yellow and black bobble hat to appear in the mealy-mouthed post-match interview.

The draw means that we need 6 more points to see football come home…

Monday, March 30, 2026

Tanners 2 - 3 AFC Portchester

I blame myself for this one. Prior to the game, Ian Selley was kind enough to present me with a signed squad photo for sponsoring a player. I (jokingly) chastised Ian for letting go of not one but two players I'd sponsored this season (Sam Ou Est De St Croix and Logan Coles) and this must have unsettled his pre-match preparations. Apologies.

 

Onto the game, and the large crowd didn't have to wait long for an opening goal. On the one-minute mark, Breckon was set free just left of goal and he placed his shot perfectly into the bottom corner. 1–0.

 

Any thoughts that the win was somehow inevitable were short-lived, as an AFC Portchester player was given far too much space to side-volley a shot powerfully down the middle of the goal. 1–1.

 

We did manage to restore the lead when Seb went full Ronaldinho and sent in a lofty cross to the far post — but it perfectly lobbed the keeper and nestled into the goal. 2–1, but there were signs we weren't quite at the races.

 

Second half, and AFC Portchester looked sharper all over the pitch. Ryan Pennery was certainly more alert when he pounced on a ball ricocheting around the six-yard box and bundled it in. 2–2. He then made space for himself and bent a shot in from just inside the area. 3–2.

 

Leatherhead changed it up, with Marcel Barrington coming on, and started to regain some control. He was at the centre of our best chance to equalise. A ball ballooned up in the air and dropped to him in the box with a clear sight of goal. It was one of those that seemed to take an eternity to come down, so he opted to head it towards the far post. In stormed Breckon, who improvised an attempt with his shoulder, but the ball — and he — crashed into the post.

 

So, after seven straight wins, we suffer defeat, but with a healthy gap of 11 points we can go into Wednesday's game without the need to panic…

Saturday, March 28, 2026

AFC Portchester are coming!

After a very respectable second place, finish in the Tanners Quiz Night, I hope to take some of that confidence into today's game when we face fifth placed AFC Portchester.

Our guests have 11 points from their last six games, and are a worthy addition to the play-off places. I very much enjoyed the reverse fixture, with a healthy support that they had on a Tuesday night.

Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Wednesday, March 25, 2026

Horndean 0 -3 Tanners

On arrival at the ground, any pre-match confidence I'd built up on the drive down suddenly disappeared as we were greeted by a windswept pitch and horizontal rain. Nothing saps the quality from a game more than gale-force wind. Walking into the bar, there was a notable absence of home supporters. We did strike up a conversation with a young striker who looked to have been ruled out. I looked at the size of him, then considered the size of Niran, and commented that he'd had a lucky escape.

 

One of the many quirks of the Horndean ground is that you can't watch the game from behind one of the goals. We found a corner that somehow created a wind vortex, with the rain sailing over our heads and into the faces of the supporters on the far side, and settled in to (hopefully) watch us take three points. When you're used to watching from behind the goal, everything looks a little different from the corner, but one sight remains familiar: Hogan running clear on goal. A through ball set him free and he confidently stroked it into the back of the net. Hogan has been known to run over and celebrate with the crowd, but on looking over and seeing three middle-aged men with their arms open wide to greet him, he suddenly appeared less confident and chose the warmer embrace of his teammates. I don't blame him. 1–0.

 

The rest of the half was a dogged affair, and we were pleased to get back into the clubhouse with a cup of soup.

 

For the first five to ten minutes of the second half, Horndean rallied and had a couple of chances. We survived the scare, made a few changes, and started to dominate again. Anas was influential with his pace down the right. He won the corner that was sent to the far post to Waters, who headed back across goal for Barrington to open his account with The Tanners. 2–0.

 

At 2–0 things felt comfortable, but what impressed me was that Leatherhead were still after more — chasing down balls and creating chances. Anas again won a corner from a cross, which arguably should have been a penalty when the defender stuck out a hand to block it. The Leo Sayer look-a-like lino did not make me feel like dancing when he failed to spot it, but we were dancing the night away eventually when Hedley headed home the resulting corner. 3–0.

 

A well-fought win and three points to keep us clear at the top of the table — a useful buffer as we face a very strong AFC Portchester on Saturday…

Tuesday, March 24, 2026

Travelling Tanners

A midweek trip to yet another Portsmouth-based club, as we look to secure three vital points.

Horndean sit in second to last place, and also lost 6-1 on the same night we beat RVP by the same score line.

Kick off at 7.45. See you there!

Saturday, March 21, 2026

RPV are coming!

I love days like this - ironically , I'm away - when the footballing gods throw up a double header like this. All the events and tensions of the previous game roll seamlessly into the next… and there is plenty to roll over.

Hopefully everyone can turn up to this game and enjoy it for the game of football it is. Hopefully Leatherhead can be ready for a RPV backlash.

Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas!

Wednesday, March 18, 2026

RPV 1 - 6 Tanners

I was nervous coming into this game. After a hard-fought win on Saturday, I worried the players might be a little flat or complacent, but those fears were quickly put to bed.

 

Within the first couple of minutes we whistled a shot just over the bar — and then Gallagher struck. A through ball put him clear just left of goal, and his near-post finish was too good for the 'keeper. 1-0. Then the floodgates opened.

 

Ten minutes later: corner; Cam Black; 2-0.  Nine minutes later: Hogan breaks free; across-goal finish; 3-0.  Eight minutes later: long ball; Seb rolls his man; shoots; 4-0.  Five minutes later: penalty; Hogan; 5-0.

 

Forty minutes in, and Leatherhead had sent a message to the rest of the league.

 

Then Kane went down with a twisted knee while relentlessly chasing down RPV. Seeing him stretchered off was sobering, and from there we chose to manage the game more conservatively.

 

RPV applied more pressure and pulled one back on 52 minutes. Any hopes of a Binfield-esque collapse were ended soon after when Breckon met a knock-down from Cam Black (from a corner) and buried a side-volley into the far corner. 6-1.

 

The final whistle went and what should have been a joyful occasion was marred by some of the newer "supporters". If you're a young lad who turns up, makes a nuisance of yourself all game, then gets called out, takes offence, and plays up like a princess who's been asked to sleep on a hundred mattresses and a pea: stay at home, lad. You're not wanted.

 

Meanwhile, tonight Leatherhead fans can pull up a chair with a glass of wine, see how the other result pans out, and look forward to Saturday — hoping that this result doesn't breed any complacency…