Met Police 1 - 4 Tanners

A late flurry of goals sealed a fine 4-1 win away at Met Police in this "Boxing Day" fixture.

 

The first goal alone was worth the cash-only admission. The ball moved through the box in a series of flicks and tricks until Breckon looped it into the path of Mehmet, who volleyed it into the bottom corner.

 

The Met Police then dug in and frustrated us for the rest of the half. Even after they went down to ten men, following a nasty straight-legged, studs-up challenge, they held on and managed to snatch an equaliser when we mishit a clearance, and it fell to their striker.

 

In the second half, we scored another early goal. Hogan swung in a dangerous corner to the near post, and in a flurry of activity, it snuck in. I'm not sure if it was an own goal or whether the 'keeper completely misjudged it, but we gratefully accepted the late Christmas present.

 

While The Met threatened (hitting the post and nearly pouncing on a spilled Wheeler catch), Leatherhead upped the pressure and began to dominate. The return of Anas was key, as he coolly slotted a shot around the 'keeper to make it 3-1 and then set up Hogan to make it 4-1.

 

All in all, a nice away day… but now we return home for the visit of Ks on Saturday.

Travelling Tanners

It's Day 8 of my in-laws' visit and today I woke up to a flat tyre, so I am ready for a game of football today.

Today we travel to Met Police (cash only at the gate), who are finding life a little tough in the league BUT are capable of slotting five past Hendon.

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Tanners 3 - 2 Bognor Regis

On arrival at the clubhouse, it was clear this was a big showdown, as a large travelling contingent had arrived by coach and occupied many of the tables. With it being the last game before Christmas, and facing once-National-League-South opposition, the fixture was set up to be a well-attended game. 

Just before kick-off, there was a last-minute decision to change ends, and as we crossed paths, we encountered a group of gingerbread men and some elves, as several fans had come in fancy dress. Some of Santa's Little Helpers had a song with some not-so-festive words about Leatherhead, but they lost—so stick that up your chimney and smoke it.

 

Onto the game, and it did not disappoint. Both sides took turns controlling the match, with us hitting the post and Bognor being denied by two desperate goalmouth clearances. Then, as I went to the bar to try and find a table, we scored. A misplaced header went wide but was rescued by "The Lip," Logan Coles, who put the ball back into the area, and Hedley fired it home on 47 minutes.

 

You would be forgiven for thinking we could see out the half, but we conceded a foul on the edge of the box. The resulting free kick was expertly bent to the left of the diving Wheeler. "F****** get in there!" shouted a parcel of merry reindeer.

 

In the second half, Leatherhead really showed what they were made of. "The Lip," Logan Coles, was purring around midfield like a Rolls-Royce, and trying to watch Nathan Hogan was like trying to follow a ball at a tennis match as he switched sides to confuse the Bognor Regis defence. Eventually, he found space to run at goal and bent the ball past the Bognor Regis 'keeper. If we learned anything from the game so far, it's that in training, we need to work on defending set pieces and our goal celebrations, as Hogan's was both confusing and strangely erotic.

 

Hogan was on hand to make it 3-1. A similar run, but this time he fired it powerfully in at the near post, with the 'keeper feeling a sense of déjà vu and going the wrong way. Suddenly, the fancy dress costumes and the words "replacement bus service" felt a lot heavier than they did at 2:45.

 

Bognor Regis did make things a little tense when, on 90 minutes, they were awarded a penalty. However, some festive timewasting in the corner meant we held on for all three points. Onto Saturday, when we play Met Police away…

Bognor Regis are coming!

Mid-table Bognor Regis come to the Grove today for our last fixture before Christmas.  This coincides with the arrival of my in-laws from Brazil, but somehow I have been given a free pass and will not be required to drive to Heathrow to pick them up.  The miracle of Christmas!

 

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Tanners 3 - 2 Harrow Borough

Leatherhead booked their place in the Fourth Round of the FA Trophy with a hard-fought game against Harrow Borough. Our guests certainly put up more of a fight than Hampton & Richmond did, and much of that was down to Rueben Collins. A centre-back who almost single-handedly kept us at bay when we faced him in a Chertsey shirt, he now marshalled the defence at Harrow, and our players almost seemed a bit scared of him.

 

But Rueben couldn't be everywhere, and when a partially cleared corner fell to Breckon, he had the time and space to find the bottom corner. A nice early goal to settle the nerves. 1-0.

 

Our nerves only remained at ease for 15 minutes, as a corner was swung in and headed home. 1-1. Leatherhead returned the favour on the stroke of half-time when Niran Butler rose to head home a corner and restore the lead. 2-1.

 

Onto the second half, and things were getting tense as both sides looked for the all-important next goal. On 63 minutes, it looked like the game was safe when Breckon rose to meet a cross and glanced it into the far corner. 3-1.

 

This two-goal cushion lasted just a few minutes, as Harrow worked some space in the box and fired a shot at goal, which took a massive deflection and beat Wheeler. 3-2.

 

Leatherhead dug in, and finally, the referee called the game to an end. Winners and off to the Fourth Round for the first time in approximately 50 years, with dreams of venturing north for some glamour ties…

Harrow Borough are coming!

Despite all of the rain, over recent days, we wake up to a morning so dray and crisp that even Raynes Park Vale would struggle to get the game called off.  So today we welcome Harrow Borough to The Grove to play this FA (sodding) Trophy Third Round Fixture.  

 

A win will see us through to the round where it goes fully national and a chance to go "up north"… but first we must get past a Harrow side that only lost to in-form Moneyfields 3-2 and knocked three past AFC Portchester recently.

 

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Tanners 5 - 2 Southall

Leatherhead bounced back from the defeat at the weekend to notch up an impressive 5-2 scoreline, despite letting a two-goal lead slip.

 

If we've learned anything in the last few weeks, it's that racing to a 2-0 lead inside the first 15 minutes generally means good things. So, everything looked fine when we raced to a two-goal lead. First, Halim reacted to yet another ball bouncing off the crossbar to continue his good start, and then Gallagher tapped in a well-placed cross from Paget. 2-0, easy.

 

Then things started to unravel — fast. Southall's goals came directly from their pace down the flanks and were in no way Sonny Wheeler's fault. The fact that I say this just after meeting both of Sonny's parents, so they now know my identity, is neither here nor there. Within the space of two minutes (and just four minutes after we had gone 2-0 up), we were pegged back to 2-2.

 

Leatherhead now resembled a battered boxer, stumbling around while Southall looked to apply the killer punch. Within the next ten minutes, we could have found ourselves 4-2 down but for a close-range shot blasted wide and (Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler, please take note) a fine save to Sonny's left. But somehow, we made it to the bell, slumped down into the corner, had water squirted into our faces, while Selley shouted instructions into their ears.

 

In the second half, Leatherhead regained their composure and patiently went about their business while looking for the winner. At around the 60-minute mark, Southall abandoned their attacking approach and started going down injured a lot more.

 

Finally, the pressure told, and Halim was set up by another Paget cross and slotted it away on 75 minutes. 3-2, and the floodgates were about to open.

 

Two substitutes made the game safe in quick succession. First, Massango pounced on a loose ball, ran into the box, and delicately chipped the 'keeper. 4-2. Then, The Lip's Logan Coles came on with a point to prove. Cruelly omitted from having an official player photo or announcing his sponsorship details, he saw the ex-Tanner Mitchal Gough on the ball and pounced. Stealing it from him, he marched on goal, calmly rounded the 'keeper, and found the back of the empty net. 5-2 and a timely reminder that this quality player is in the squad and has been sponsored…

 

Poor Mitchal would not have enjoyed his return to The Grove, as he was involved in both of the last two defensive errors, providing the kind of contribution Fareham's No. 12 still has nightmares about.

 

So, the five-point gap is restored, but now we go on again and face our old friends Raynes Park Vale on Saturday…

Southall are coming!

It looks like we have a game on! I feared last night's rain would ruin our chances, but a day of largely clear sky has meant we can put Saturday behind us and get get on with it.

Tonight we welcome Southall, who sit just one point above the relegation zone.

Kick of at 7.45pm. See you there!

Tanners 2 - 3 Westfield

Leatherhead failed to grab the chance to move eight points clear of Westfield following a disappointing 3-2 loss at The Grove.

 

After 15 minutes, I understood how Hampton & Richmond fans felt a couple of weeks ago as we allowed our guests to rush to a 2-0 lead.  Selley described our three conceded goals as sloppy, but I feel that is a little harsh as the opener was created from their No 9 plucking the ball from the air to create the perfect run at goal.  Wheeler came out to close this down, but the composed striker went by him and rolled it into the empty net.  0-1.

 

The second goal, fair play, was poor defending as we had about two or three opportunities to deal with the situation before the ball was played into the area for a tap in.  0-2.

 

Leatherhead fans had something to cheer about when Halim was brought down by either a defender or 'keeper (they both slid in and made contact while both pleaded their innocence) and Hogan stepped up to find the back of the net, despite the 'keeper guessing the right way. 1-2.

 

Surely, we would now go on and win this game… but alas Westfield got a third on the 37-minute mark.  It looked like Kane was pulled back to prevent him from dealing with the loose ball on the edge of the box, but the ref didn't see it that way and the Westfield player nipped around him and slotted in a through ball that was prodded home.  1-3.

 

After the break, we needed an early goal and got one.  Anas was provided with the ball inside the box and fired his shot into the roof of the net.  2-3 and game on.

 

Alas, despite applying good spells of pressure the equaliser didn't come.  Gallagher came the closest when he pounced on a loose ball, but his effort hot the crossbar and bounced clear.  Westfield held on to take all three points, but still sit two points behind us as we look to rebuild and face Southall (subject to the weather) at home on Tuesday…

Westfield are coming!

This is a big game.  This is a Sky-Sports-12.30-kick-off type of game as the top two face off together, at The Grove.  Out guests sit five points behind us but have scored two more goals… arguably those goals came against Hayes & Yeading, as they beat them 7-0 in October whereas we could "only" must five mideweek.

 

Kick-off at 3pm.  See you there!

Hayes & Yeading 0 - 5 Tanners

You know it's going to be an unpleasant journey when Waze reroutes you through the fifth busiest airport in the world. So, after 90 minutes of driving just 20 miles from Woking, it was with some relief that I made it to a freezing cold bar, sat down with a pint, and unwound before the game.

 

Leatherhead came out firing, taking their frustrations from the traffic out on the hosts and looking for goals from the very first minute. We thought we had the breakthrough when Hogan smashed home a low cross into the box, but the flag went up 2-3 seconds after the referee had awarded the goal. New-boy Halim also put the ball into the net a few minutes later, but the flag went up well beforehand, and he was lucky to escape without a yellow card.

 

Then came the goals. First, Hogan darted in from the left and smashed the ball across the face of the goal, past the diving Roger Daltrey lookalike in goal. Matters got worse for Hayes & Yeading just five minutes later, when a cross was blocked by a raised arm in the box. A penalty was awarded and neatly dispatched by Kane, despite the 'keeper diving the right way and the distraction of a supporter live-streaming the spot kick to someone at home, shouting, "Can you see it?" as Kane took the run-up.

 

Hogan made it a brace as we queued for a warming cup of tea, latching onto a spilled save at close range to send us into halftime 3-0 up.

 

The second half made me wish I'd taken my own advice and worn two pairs of socks. Leatherhead eased off the gas a little but still controlled the game while maintaining a respectable amount of attacking intent. Hayes & Yeading took advantage of this and created some good chances for themselves, but Sonny and the crossbar proved to be too good for them.

 

Leatherhead then added a couple of cherries to the cake. Anas cheekily chipped the ball over a diving 'keeper for a goal, and Halim scored on his debut with a powerful side volley into the corner.

 

A five-goal win, away at a side just outside the play-offs, is just the boost we need as we head into an almighty showdown with Westfield on Saturday…

Travelling Tanners

Leatherhead travel to a side that will be looking to get into the play-off places with any kind of results against us tonight.  We have been relying on late goals, in the league, to keep us top but hopefully we can make things a bit more comfortable tonight.  The weather certainly won't as it could be the first Double Socker of the season.

 

Kick off at 7.45pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Travelling Tanners

into the play-off places with any kind of results against us tonight.  We have been relying on late goals, in the league, to keep us top but hopefully we can make things a bit more comfortable tonight.  The weather certainly won't as it could be the first Double Socker of the season.

 

Kick off at 7.45pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Bedfont Sports 2 - 2 Tanners

If Leatherhead had played like they did in the last 10 minutes, this game would have been put away with ease. However, as it happened, we struggled against a side that came with a plan.

 

For the majority of the game, Leatherhead were like modern jazz: not incredibly entertaining, full of hopeful long balls for Breckon to deal with, and notable for the players who weren't being played. Cameron Black was strangely absent, and we were served by neither Butler.

 

One thing Bedfont managed well was frustrating our attacking players by playing a high line, which caught us offside more than in any other game I can remember. It was like having Dave Stevens back in the squad. The long balls to Jacob were also a source of frustration, as they were often overhit or too straight to do anything with. To make matters worse, Jacob suffered a nasty cut to the face from a clash of heads and was whisked away to hospital.

 

That said, we did manage to get the ball in the back of the net, but it was ruled out for offside. Anas also came close when his shot looked certain to find the back of the net, only to hit the post and bounce to safety. Bedfont opened the scoring by working the ball into the box and firing it past Wheeler. 0-1.

 

Anas did eventually get on the scoresheet by chasing a ball down the right and lobbing it towards the far post. Someone was there to tap it in, but it had already crossed the line. 1-1.

 

I thought the second half would be dramatically different, and that we would take control of the game, but alas, it was more of the same. Bedfont scored again with a close-range goal, and we were behind once more.

 

A couple of changes saw us start to look livelier, while Bedfont seemed less confident in their high line, though they somehow managed to soak up the pressure. Just as six minutes of added time were announced, we got the equaliser. Our long ball tactic was abandoned in favour of our more familiar ball-to-feet approach, and a swift cross found an unmarked Anas, who prodded it home on his second attempt. 2-2.

 

With four minutes of added time still to play, we pressed hard for a winner and nearly got it, only to be thwarted by an excellent save and an incredible goal-line clearance from their No. 7. So, we settle for a point—but it's a point more than Westfield managed, and we now have the chance to pull further ahead when we play mid-week at Hayes & Yeading…

Travelling Tanners

Back from the distraction of the Trophy and onto this league game, away at Bedfont Sports.

Our hosts have slipped down the league, having not won for six games, although a recent interview indicates they are ready to get back to the style that saw them win games.

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Tanners 2 - 0 Hampton & Richmond

When the Hampton & Richmond manager, Alan Julian, last came to the Grove to face Leatherhead, he was with a Billericay side where Glen Tamplin shouted at him to shut his eyes while singing "The World's Greatest." No doubt he wished he could shut his eyes again and make it all go away, as Leatherhead ran riot over his side today.

 

Following the toss, we were forced to change ends, and we barely had time to get behind the goal before we were 1-0 up. A blistering run from Anas and a deadly cross found Seb Tauta Caballero, who headed it home with less than two minutes on the clock. 1-0.

 

Had we scored too early? No, because it only got worse for our National League South guests. Another cross from Anas went long and found Gallagher alone, who stroked it into an empty net. 2-0.

 

From then on, Leatherhead were firmly in control. Towards the end of the first half, the ball got stuck under Hogan's foot; otherwise, he would have been clear on goal. In the dying minutes, Ty Butler did manage to break away, but the 'keeper got a vital touch to keep it out. In between, I was more concerned about conceding at Fareham than I was against this team.

 

I sometimes find that referees, when they come from the same level as the higher-division side, often lean towards the more familiar team. This was certainly the case in the last few minutes, as the referee turned a blind eye to some terrible tackles from the frustrated Hampton & Richmond players. Sadly, this boiled over, and yet another FA Trophy game ended in a kerfuffle.

 

That was a mere distraction, though, as the win was secure. Now we go into the draw on Monday, dreaming of trips to Carlisle or Rochdale…

Hampton & Richmond are coming!

Game on! Storm Claudia did not deliver the devastation it did in other parts of the country.

Our old friends, play in the National League South but have suffered a string of disappointing results. Some of their fans think this is a "great draw" though…

Kick off at 3.03pm. See you there!

South Park 0 - 2 Tanners

As the teams lined up in their dressing rooms to come out, the home captain let out a battle cry to "let them know how ******** good we are." However, it was clear from the outset that South Park hadn't come to play football but instead came to show us how "hard" they were by trying to kick lumps out of us. Throw in a wet, slippery, plastic pitch, and it's understandable that we found it difficult to settle.

 

But settle we did, and we got a first-half goal from a hotly disputed corner (I don't know why they disputed the corner—it was as clear as day). The resulting long ball fell to The Lip's Logan Coles (replacing my sponsorship of Sam ou est de St Croix), who smashed it in off the far post.

 

In the second half, one-nil down, the penny finally dropped for the home side that they were going to need to play football a little bit to get a goal back. This made for a more entertaining game all round, and we felt the pressure a bit.

 

But from pressure comes great opportunities, and towards the end of the game, Body was set free in a one-on-one with the 'keeper. We've grown used to players like Anas and Hogan finding a way to slip it past the 'keeper, so when Body took an extra touch to round the 'keeper, I thought he'd blown it. However, he had the speed to catch up and slot the ball into the empty net.

 

Two-nil, and with the game safe, South Park reverted to their old ways and tried to start a fight by the corner flag. The weak officials could have prevented this by giving a foul when Anas's shirt was pulled up over his head, but the tussle was allowed to carry on until things boiled over.

 

On to Saturday, and hopefully the rain doesn't spoil the visit of Hampton & Richmond tomorrow…

Travelling Tanners

Looking back at this fixture, over the last ten games we have won six of them and drawn one… but it somehow feels a lot worse as I only seem to recall disappointment when playing our hosts.   Added to the fact that we are second (on goal difference) in the form guide and South Park are third, this looks to be a tense game.

 

Kick off at 7.45.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Fareham Town 1 - 2 Tanners

A smash-and-grab job for Leatherhead in Portsmouth, as a last-minute winner breaks Fareham hearts and keeps us clear of Westfield.

 

A big travelling crowd came to see Leatherhead on the south coast, probably expecting to see a hatful of goals against bottom-of-the-table Fareham, but spent most of the game watching in frustration as our hosts took the game to us.

 

In a cagey chess opening 15 minutes we, once again as we did at Egham, got caught out with the same King's Indian Attack, with a sudden long ball into to right hand side and a free run on goal.  A powerful finish beat Rileigh and put the home side 1-0 up.  Strangely, a home supporter in a red tracksuit decided this was the game to "give it large" when facing both the top of the table team and the largest travelling support of the season.

 

The first half was not pretty.  Fareham were a niggly side that both worked hard and played dirty (I haven't seen so much shirt pulling in a game, for example), and it looked like we were expecting an easier ride.  We did get a goal to ease the nerves when on out-swinging corner was met by Cameron Black around the penalty spot who deftly guided a looping header over the No 3 on the line and into the back of the net.

 

While the ref let a lot of shirt pulling go, he also overlooked a reaction from Gallagher that could have seen him sent off on the stroke of halftime, but he survived, and we went in 1-1.

 

Changes were made and we started to look a lot more urgent.  Fareham were asking their own questions of us but it seemed like it was inevitable that we would score… until it didn't.  A minute when in a minute's silence seems like an eternity, but when chasing a goal they start to fly by.

 

Enter stoppage time, and if their manager has anything about him, he would have gone into the dressing room after the game and apologised to his hard-working team for losing this game.  A substitution in the 91^st minute is done simply to waste time, certainly when you place a five-foot something player in the back three.  There was something special about this player (Number 12) as the crowd let out a large cheer when his name was announced and a few went over to rub his bald head for luck.  He needed it, as the once comfortable defence that kept us at bay was now unsettled.

 

In the 92^nd minute Cameron lofted a long ball into the box towards Breckon.  Breckon was being manhandled so it went over his head and fell into a space in front of the Number 12.  What he lacked in height he made up for in enthusiasm and leapt to clear it, but physics came at him fast; it glanced off his head and into the path of Anas who smashed it home.  Limbs.  Number 12 could not have placed the ball more perfectly if he had tried.  The only thing more precise was the finish itself.

 

We held out a spirited spell of pressure from Fareham, as they attempted to get a point they probably deserved but we held out.  Onto Tuesday and the bogey ground of South Park.

Travelling Tanners

Tanners should not rely on muscle memory to get to today's game, or you will find yourself at The Grove, as this is the first away game since 30 August; and a New Ground Klaxon to boot as we play Fareham away.

 

Our hosts have not enjoyed their start to this league and sit in last place.  A classic banana skin.

 

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Egham Town 1 - 3 Tanners

Leatherhead played out a Schrödinger of a game, as it was simultaneously both easy and difficult.

 

This game looked like a formality in the opening minutes. You know things are likely to go your way when the centre-back captain wildly slices a clearance into his own side netting and another defender tackles his own 'keeper for a corner within the opening 15 minutes. Hogan smashing the crossbar further underscored our dominance, yet that elusive opening goal did not come.

 

Eventually, it came thanks to the quick thinking of Breckon, who deliberately flicked his header into the path of Gallagher. This clever move created enough space for a one-on-one with the 'keeper. Jordan gave the 'keeper "the eyes," sending him the wrong way and allowing for a simple shot to the near post. 1-0.

 

It was all fun and games as Egham passed the ball to no one and we created chances, but we survived a scare when it briefly looked like we had given away a penalty. Leatherhead's advantage increased further when a frustrated defender appeared to stamp on Anas, earning himself a red card. Into half-time we went.

 

Leatherhead came out for the second half in a confident mood, and it seemed certain we would run up a big score. However, Egham slowly grew into the game, and it started to feel like we were the most likely to concede a goal or two. The travelling supporters erupted with relief and joy when Anas pounced on a loose ball in the box to fire home a second goal. Just minutes later, Mark Waters repeated the feat, but from further out.

 

At 3-0, Leatherhead could be forgiven for thinking the floodgates had finally opened and that more goals were imminent. However, this left us exposed at the back, and the home side managed to score from an unchallenged move down the right. This prompted us to manage the game and see it out. Elsewhere, Westfield needed the help of two own goals to avoid defeat at Portchester, but their draw allows us to open up a four-point gap.

 

On to Saturday and the sound of the New Ground Klaxon, as we travel to Fareham…

Travelling Tanners

After a comfortable win on Saturday, life gets a bit harder as we travel to 10^th placed Egham Town, who are unbeaten over the last three games.

 

Meanwhile Westfield host Portchester who, even if they bring a fraction of their three million home supporters, could be a tough team to beat…

 

Kick off at 7.45.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Tanners 4 - 0 Ascot

As the players emerged from the tunnel, a squabble of seagulls took flight from the pitch. However, our opponents offered little fight as we cantered to a 4-0 victory against the struggling Ascot side.

 

The game seemed fairly low-key for the first ten minutes, but this was simply Leatherhead being patient in their build-up. Soon enough, the goals started to flow. We took the lead with a straightforward ball into Breckon on the edge of the box. He picked his spot and fired it into the back of the net. Ironically, his chosen spot was right where the 'keeper was standing, and the ball went through the 'keeper's legs. The 'keeper may have been far too handsome to be in goal, but there was nothing pretty about that attempted save.

 

While our opener had an element of luck, the second goal was pure class. A lofted ball found Breckon in the box; a lesser player might have attempted a difficult high volley or a weak header on goal, but Breckon showed great awareness by chesting it directly into the path of Gallagher's run. Gallagher still had work to do from a tight angle, but his delicate lofted shot beat the 'keeper and nestled in at the far post. 2-0.

 

Anas continues to impress down the wing, and it was from one of his darting runs that he found Breckon, who forced a good save from the 'keeper. The rebound fell to Hogan, who, despite being off balance, managed to get a shot away and find the far post. 3-0 at halftime.

 

The second half saw Leatherhead ramp up the pressure even further, and had it not been for some heroics from Ascot's 'keeper, the scoreline could have been even more punishing for our visitors. Fittingly, the fourth goal came from a mistake on their part during a corner.

 

Ascot's corner was overhit and so poorly placed that it set Breckon away on a solo run from midway in our half and down the left wing. He quickly fed the ball into the path of a teammate with greater pace but stayed involved in the play, eventually receiving the ball back in the area and calmly slotting it past the 'keeper. 4-0 and into the winners' enclosure.

 

A fine victory keeps us top of the league. Westfield are coming up on the outside, while Raynes Park Vale suffered a refusal due to a last-minute South Park goal—scored by an ex-Tanner (Ross Stepney). Oh, the irony.

 

On to Tuesday, as we make the trip to Egham to defend our top spot…

Ascot are coming!

I was worried about this fixture, with all of the heavy rain, but it looks like it will go ahead… but the going will be soft as we welcome Ascot to The Grove today.

Our guests sit in 17th place having lost their last four games. We look to maintain our place at the top, looking over our shoulders at long-stayers Raynes Park Vale and Westfield coming up along the rails.

Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Tanners 1 - 1 Canvey Island (4-2 on penalties)

Leatherhead repeated the feat of 2014 by knocking out Canvey Island on penalties in the FA Trophy, securing a place in the draw for the second round.

 

Our hosts are struggling in their league, so when Cameron Black pounced on a cross to prod the ball home, it looked like this was going to be a straightforward win. However, playing a Step 3 side generally brings bigger and faster players, and soon Canvey Island were back in the game. Had it not been for some heroic defending, it would have been 1-1 at the half-hour mark.

 

In the second half, their half suddenly became an UNESCO World Heritage Site, as we seemed too cautious to step foot in it while Canvey Island applied pressure. They got their reward when a defender bundled over a player off the ball (well, that is how it looked from behind the far goal), and the referee awarded a penalty. Sonny guessed correctly, but the penalty was too well placed. 1-1.

 

To our credit, we made a couple of changes and looked a lot more dangerous; on another day, one of the chances would have nestled into the back of the net. But they didn't, and off we went to penalties.

 

Canvey Island somehow managed to convince the referee that the default end was where they were shooting, leading to a mad dash to get there in time to see Waters stroke the first penalty home. Canvey missed their opener, and I was at least surrounded by more Leatherhead fans, so I could laugh loudly.

 

The next two penalties were saved, maintaining the 1-0 scoreline. The following two were scored, and suddenly counting to five twice became the hardest thing in the world as people declared it 3-2 when it was only 2-1. Both of the next penalties were scored to make it 3-2 with one left to score ("yes, if we score this one, we win").

 

This is where it started to go wrong. As Niran confidently strode up, their 'keeper decided to hold on to the ball for a bit too long, and Sonny wrestled it back. A mental note was taken…

 

Niran fired the ball into the top left corner – we won! – and as their 'keeper lay on the floor, Sonny ran past and no doubt congratulated him on his performance. The Canvey Island 'keeper was the most vanilla of 'keepers. No banter, very much the Steve Davis of the goalkeeping world, but there was something that Sonny "The Rocket" Wheeler said or did that caused him to react and push our No. 1 into the side netting as he collected his water bottle.

 

All hell broke out, with players running to join the melee. A supporter who had run onto the pitch to celebrate suddenly found himself and his young son in the middle of something bigger than he anticipated. He genuinely ran on to celebrate, probably expecting more to do the same, but he was very much mistaken. A fence that high would require a subsequent lengthy period of physiotherapy should I attempt to climb it.

 

This event will no doubt overshadow the fine win and have consequences for the next three games, as it appears Sonny was also shown a red card for violent conduct.

 

On to Monday, then, for the draw to see who we will play next…

Canvey Island are coming!

Old friends, Canvey Island, come to the Grove for the first round of the FA Sodding Trophy.

Expect a big crowd, so get there early.

Kick off at 3pm. See you there… I s'pose….

Tanners 2 - 1 Hanworth Villa

Despite the lofty position and form of Hanworth Villa, Leatherhead tore into our well-rested guests, and the end result could have been much more comfortable than the 2-1 scoreline suggests.

 

The first half was remarkably straightforward for Leatherhead. A Cameron Black header from a corner set us on our way in just 9 minutes. Nathan Hogan then doubled our lead by running onto a through ball and slipping it through the legs of the 'keeper. 2-0.

 

The second half looked to be as straightforward had it not been for the crossbar and some desperate defending. Anas, with his slight of foot, had bamboozled the visitors all game. He broke free and lobbed the stranded 'keeper, but it struck the crossbar and bounced down for Hogan to head into an empty net, only for it to be deflected away by a defender who had sprinted back to cover.

 

Chance after chance slipped by until the inevitable happened, and on 64 minutes, Hanworth Villa scored, making for a nervous last 25 minutes. What we needed now was a team of calm players and a sensible referee. That was too much to ask for.

 

In my opinion, it all went wrong for the referee when he booked Nathan Hogan for time-wasting while taking a corner. I don't think he was taking particularly long, and if he did delay, it was to understand the instructions the referee himself was shouting at him. A yellow card for time-wasting is a pretty low bar, so it was a surprise when no card was shown for a player who dove in and went over the ball to take down Nathan.

 

That wasn't even the strangest decision. Nathan was at the center of one of the next incidents, where he was through on goal, one-on-one with the 'keeper, and pushed the ball past him. He was just two or three steps from slotting the ball into an empty net when the 'keeper stuck out an arm and pulled him back. You could not get more of a red card offense, even if he had headbutted him in the face. The referee saw it, blew his whistle, and went for his pocket with the speed that indicated it would be a red, but pulled out a yellow instead.

 

The 'keeper was the chatty type and told us that he had gotten away with that one, then stayed on the pitch to save the well-placed Kane free kick (and will remain on the pitch next Saturday when he should be serving a suspension).

 

Hogan's third denial came from a powerful shot that beat the 'keeper but struck the crossbar again.

 

With five minutes of added time, the referee then went into meltdown and booked players from both sides for various minor infringements. Eventually, he blew the final whistle and then stood in the corner with stewards to hold his hand, indicating that he had had a shocker.

 

So, with us beating third-placed Hanworth Villa and second-placed Raynes Park Vale also losing, it was a good set of results to go into the week we play in the Trophy…

Hanworth Villa are coming!

A big game, in the league today, as we welcome third placed Hanworth Villa to The Grove… although they are second place on form with 13 points from the last six games.

 

They are certainly taking this game seriously.  They didn't even field a side in their midweek county cup game on Tuesday, so their players are well rested…

 

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Hartley Wintney 0 - 0 Tanners

The good news is we won't have to play them again this season and hopefully next season either.

Hartley Witney with their own particular brand of time wasting, bus parking, pitch sloping, non grass cutting, hoofing, space oddity, park football have taken 4 points off us but the real losers are those that have to watch them every week.

Once again Hartley took their protein pills and put their helmets on to deny us a goal but this time they didn't fluke an early goal to defend. And God's love was with them as the ball never fell for us.

We missed Kane's creativity, who was unwell, and Mark Waters, who went off injured, meaning several players had to play out of position. Such was Hartley's lack of ambition that Niran was able to defend on his own for most of the game while the other 9 players tried to make a breakthrough as Major Selley tried a 1-0-9 formation.

Top of the league though still and we can commence countdown to playing Hanworth Villa on Saturday. Engines on….five…four….three….two…..

Travelling Tanners

The pressure is on us, as we are still top (I think) and we travel to Hartley Wintney in the league.

I can't make it, as I'm on a company trip shaking hands with astronauts.

Kick off at 7.30pm. Good luck fellas.

Tanners 1 - 0 Harrow Borough

For a side that had lost their last three away games, 4-1, Harrow Borough turned up and played a defensive masterclass as Leatherhead were frustrated – if not a little under pressure at time – for much of the 90 minutes.  Their goalkeeper was the most impressive, as what he lacked in physical size he made up for in athletic ability by pulling off some crucial saves to keep us out.

 

When Hogan was put through in only the second minute, it looked like Leatherhead were going to take control of the game, but his shot went straight at the 'keeper and Harrow woke up.

 

When occasion arises, I dip into a subject, and it always fills me with joy.  Collective nouns for animals.  In a previous match report, there was a pandemonium on parakeets, which matched "the confusion" of Leatherhead's attack at the time.  Today, in the first half, I was confronted with a loveliness of ladybirds behind the goal… but the only thing of such beauty on the pitch was the stunning save the 'keeper made from a Breckon shot that seemed destined for the bottom right corner.

 

Into the second half and another animal intervention when a dog, a new striker from Barking, ran on the pitch and ceased play.  I have finally seen this piece of footballing folklore.

 

We finally got our goal when the octopus of a 'keeper again saved a close range shot from Gallagher but after a brief melee, the fell to around the penalty spot to Hogan who placed his shot into the empty net.  I emphasise place, as the ball was painfully slow and I worried someone would be able to recover and save it, but it had just enough.

 

Onto Tuesday, where we play an in-form Hartley Wintney then…

Harrow Borough are coming!

Our old friends, Harrow Borough come to the Grove today as we try to keep our place at the top of the table.

The weather's so good, I'm cycling in.

Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Chertsey 3 - 3 Tanners (Tanners win 3-1 on penalties)

A game full of controversy and action was played out last night, proving the Surrey Senior Cup to be the best knockout trophy in the world. Upon arrival, the impressive Tuesday night crowd (of… cough… 399… cough) appeared to be in good spirits in anticipation of the game ahead.

 

By contrast to the second half, the first half was a tame affair. Leatherhead showed their intent in the first 10 minutes until Hogan received a nasty tackle on the edge of the box. The referee had already decided it was too early to issue a yellow card, as an earlier deliberate foul had also gone unpunished, and this one followed suit. Hogan then received a talking-to for not being injured enough to nearly score a "worldie" from the resulting free-kick. This seemed to take the sting out of our attack, allowing Chertsey to regain control.

 

Both opening goals came from defensive errors. Sonny managed to find the back of a defender with a clearance, and the loose ball was calmly slotted away by Karl Oliyide. 0-1. We struck back when their keeper could only palm a shot from range into the path of Breckon. 1-1.

 

As I sat down at half time and drank the most expensive cup of tea in non-league football, I genuinely thought we would come out and put this game to bed… but it looked like I was quite wrong as Oliyide raced toward a hat trick in the opening two minutes of the second half. More drama unfolded when a high ball seemed to be harmlessly landing about 30 yards out when Rileigh Hebditch (who had replaced Sonny at half-time) came out and "took the mark," inexplicably catching it about 10-15 yards outside the area. The referee came over, saw the young, apologetic keeper, must have said something like "ohhhh, you scamp," ruffled his hair a bit, and sent him back in goal, much to the annoyance of the Chertsey players.

 

The comeback really didn't look likely, so I sauntered toward the exit around the 80-minute mark. "Bye then," muttered a smug Chertsey fan just as Cameron Black thundered a header into the back of the net… 2-3. Soon after, the comeback was complete when Kane burst through the center of the area and fired in a volley. 3-3. "Auf wiedersehen, meine fraulein"…

 

I thought we had won it in the 90th minute when another Kane shot beat the keeper and appeared to hit the inside of the post, but it must have bounced back into the arms of the keeper. The referee failed to play all of the 2 minutes of extra time—which, given the four goals, substitutions, and the incident with Rileigh, seemed sparse—and sent us to penalties.

 

Since I had already moved toward the exit, I was in a prime position, behind the goal, to see the first Chertsey player place his shot well wide. I let out an involuntary laugh, a real belly laugh that drew the attention of the home supporters and made me a marked man for the rest of the shoot-out. We scored our first to make it 1-0, but there were still few Tanners supporters around me to help out if things went south. They scored, and we missed, increasing the barrage of low-level abuse coming my way.

 

Then Rileigh stepped up to save their third penalty from Oliyide, who took longer to dramatically face the other way and turn than to concentrate on actually scoring… or should I say he stepped out… A replay shows he was off his line when he made the save, but the linesman didn't give it. We scored. 2-1. From the next penalty, Chertsey hit the crossbar, and again the fans accused Rileigh of leaving his line. As the ball missed the target, unless the frame of the goal left its line early, I hardly see the relevance. We scored to make it 3-1 and sent us into the next round.

 

As a supporter of Leatherhead, I have trudged off disappointed after losing in this competition to teams like Ashford and South Park, so I was surprised at just how upset and angry the home supporters were. I had several supporters try to explain "the rules" to me, insisting that Rileigh should have been sent off for that handball, whereas the laws state nothing of the sort, as it did not deny an obvious goal-scoring opportunity. Our cameraman was at fault for something or other, as he looked bemused at the abusers while wearing hi-viz. Meanwhile, Josh Gallagher sits at home with a big glass of brandy and a wry smile.

 

Back to the league then on Saturday, with the visit of Harrow…

Travelling Tanners

Tonight we travel to our old friends, Chertsey Town, for the First Round of the Surrey Senior Cup.  Our hosts sit mid-table in the Southern Premier League and have recently parted company with their manager, Josh Gallagher… perhaps providing additional motivation for at least one of our players tonight.

 

Kick off at 7.45pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Tanners 4 - 1 Ramsgate

After a few tight wins we thought a thumping was going to be handed out at Binfield. Instead that game was another tight win, and the hammer fell on Ramsgate as the Tanners showed a kind of magic on the fields of Fetcham Grove.

The Rams took the lead on 18' as we played a bit too deep and were under pressure giving the visitors from a higher division a bit too much respect. At an impromptu drinks break the gaffer told that the lads that he wanted them to break free.

This started a much more attacking mindset and just before the break the superb Mark Walters on 40' and the rampant Anas on 44' sent us into the break with a 2-1 lead.

The 2nd half saw the best 45 minutes of the season in which the lads don't stop me now attitude saw Billy and Jordan add 2 more.

So another one bites the dust in the FA Trophy but the show must go on at Chertsey on Tuesday night as we start the trail to claim we are the champions in the Surrey Senior Cup.

In the side that Ian Selley has assembled we all have somebody to love. These are the days of our lives.

Ramsgate are coming!

After two 3-2 wins in the league, Leatherhead return to FA Sodding Trophy action with the visit of Ramsgate. A side we haven't played since 2019, and we also won 3-2.

Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas!

Horndean are coming!

Leatherhead return to league action today, with the visit of Horndean.

Horndean sit just above the relegation zone, with five points and lost 5-1 to Hanworth Villa… but last season these were the toughest teams to play…

Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas!

Tanners 2 - 0 Ks

Leatherhead returned to winning ways with a 2-0 win.  A scoreline that did not reflect the dominance as Leatherhead missed 7-8 clear chances, either through keeping their 'keeper busy or just missing the target.

 

Gallagher opened his account; following up on his shot that was spilled by the 'keeper.  Another new signing also impressed, as Montague resembled a young Steve Davis; quietly going about his business while finding "the pockets"…

 

It is perhaps telling that the goal that made the game relatively safe, came from an absolute howler that fans behind the goal absolutely love to see.  A simple back pass was misjudged by the 'keeper, that had kept his team in the game, and it rolled in while fans either celebrated or rolled around in laughter.

 

Our reward for this win is a visit from Ramsgate on 4 October.  Meanwhile we prepare for the visit of Horndean on Saturday…

Ks are coming!

While I believe the FA Sodding Trophy is entirely futile, today's fixture is rather nice I have to say. Local rivals and ones we beat relatively recently.

Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas.

Tanners 0 - 1 Hartley Wintney

Leatherhead's league form has slowly been revised down from Perfect to Unbeaten to Table Topping, as we suffered our first defeat of the season last night.

Leatherhead came out to play some swift-attacking football, while Hartley Wintney took a more robust approach with our players.  Sebastian Tauta-Caballero feeling an early tackle that easily warranted a yellow (with the players reacting like it should be a red) but nothing was given.

 

The game turned when Sonny Wheeler was given a woeful back pass to deal with and was left stranded.  0-1.  We could have equalised towards the end of the first half when a shot from outside the box could only be parried about three yards out to Lukas, but his shot across the face of goal went well wide.

 

The second half was, initially, a more patient affair, with Leatherhead slowly applying pressure.  As the game wore on, the visitors were suddenly made of sugar glass and collapsed on the ground upon the merest touch.  Jordan Gallagher made his debut, and showed some good touches, but it was not enough to get an equaliser or more.

 

The referee, though, was one of the worst I have seen this season, and this was demonstrated when he could have awarded us one of two penalties in quick succession.  The Hartley Wintney 'keeper dropped a long-range effort and one of our players was quick to pounce on it as the 'keeper made a dive for the ball.  Down went our player in the box and nothing was given.  Play went on for another player to retrieve the ball and this time was tackled from behind in the box, but the referee somehow saw this to be outside and only gave a free-kick (that was blasted straight into the wall).

 

Breckon fired in a powerful shot which struck the bar.  The referee completely failed to see the clear deflection and awarded a goal kick.

 

A frustrating evening, but we get a Saturday off from the league as we host Ks in the FA Sodding Trophy…

Hartley Wintney are coming!

The second of four home games in a row takes place tonight, with the visit of Hartley Wintney.

Our guests sit in sixth place with a set of inconsistent results. Hopefully the curse of the Manager of the Month award has lifted…

Kick off at 7:45pm. See you there!

Tanners 2 - 2 Hendon

Our fate not to collect all three points was sealed when Ian Selley went up to collect the Manager of the Month award before the game.  It is an outstanding achievement, but to revel in it on the pitch just before the game will only anger the footballing gods.

 

We could have sent these false idols packing in the first half as we missed a about four chances in an end-to-end (but sometimes side-to-side) game.  It started when Breckon placed his shot just inches wide of the right and post.  Then the tricky Anas found Hogan, but he made a double contact with the ball and sent it over.  Lukas then had his tight angle shot saved and then lobbed over when put through on goal from a Hendon mistake.

 

Then the sucker punch.  The ball falls to a Hendon player, some 30 yards out, and his strike find the top left.  0-1 and half time.

 

The second half and the stormy weather matched the mood of the game.  Both sides wanted to win this game and went at it until the final whistle.   We had to wait until the 65^th minute to get back into the game though, when suddenly a rainbow appeared, cancelling out the curse of the manager of the month award.

 

Kareem was brought on and his dynamic play made an instant impact.  He darted into the box and knew what was coming, a rash challenge and down he went.  It was perhaps a little soft, but we cared not as Hogan placed the penalty into the bottom left.

 

As we dreamed of getting a winner, things took another bad turn when the referee (who was being assessed) pointed to the spot for an even softer penalty than he awarded us.  It was coolly dispatched, and we were staring down the barrel of our first defeat.

 

Luckily, Hogan was in form and saved us.  First, Kareem fired a shot that took a wicked deflection, lobbing the 'keeper.  The ball only fell as far as Nathan Hogan, who instinctively fired into the bottom left.

 

The point wasn't quite saved as Hendon pressed for another winner in front of a credible travelling support, but we held on to ensure we are at least unbeaten in the league.  Time to get back on our winning ways on Tuesday then…

Hendon are coming!

After a couple of games where I've been away, I'm back for this home game. That must be a load off.

Leatherhead will hope to retain their perfect record in the league, when 20th-place Hendon come to the Grove. It's been mixed results in cup competitions though, with a fine wine over RPV and a disappointing loss to AFC Whyteleafe.

Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Raynes Park Vale are coming!

I'm not going to today's game. Not because of my irrational loathing of the FA Trophy, but because I'm taking my youngest daughter to university today. I feel old.

Hayden Bird brings his side of familiar faces to the Grove today. In the league they sit six points behind us, having played less game but tasted defeat once.

Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas!

Bognor Regis Town 0 - 2 Tanners

As I drove through the city of Chichester, I had a rush of anxiety; not because of the flashbacks of teaching my daughter how to drive here, but we had the chance to extend our lead with a win today.

 

Leatherhead's first half play was a bold as the local council's decision to build a Dutch style roundabout to provide safe cycling infrastructure.  Kareem, again, lit up the right wing and left their No. 3 in knots.  For all the tricky play, though, it was the long throw that opened the scoring as both 'keeper and their No. 5 couldn't deal with it and Nathan Hogan blasted the ball into the roof of the net.

 

We continued to press, and Lukas spurned two chances from close range, in quick succession.  A two-goal cushion was beginning to feel necessary as on another day our hosts could have had two penalties.  One for a late shoulder-to-shoulder challenge that looked a bit like a push and a rather obvious handball.  Ross Stepney got away with a yellow for a challenge that could have seen a red card being brandished also.

 

In the second half, Leatherhead really controlled the game, limiting our hosts to very little.   We had to cope with some injuries.  Kane had to be carried off in the first half, and then Alfie Huckle limped off and towards the end Kareem then went down with a knock to the knee (but was also booked for diving).

 

Finally, we got the goal to make the points feel safer and the Bognor Regis fans feel a little bit wetter behind the coverless goal on the far end.  Anas had already shot wildly across the face of goal twice, when crossing may have been a better option. However, on his third attempt, he found Ty Butler who delivered the decisive touch to beat our one-time 'keeper.

 

So, we go six points clear and will remain that way as next week sees the utter nonsense that is the FA Trophy come to town…