Cray Wanderers 0 - 1 Tanners

Whilst some supporters lounged around at home watching a very poor premier league side on TV, the true fans made their way to Hayes Lanes. After all, you could still watch the Tanners and get home in plenty of time to watch the best club side in the world at 8pm.

Guy did well to ignore advice from an old Leatherhead stalwart who advised him that Cray were playing at their old ground. Meanwhile, Jerry looked disconsolate as he scoured the terraces for his No. 1 fan but to no avail. 

Bromley have replaced the old broken wooden benches and nails behind the far goal with a shiny new stand. You just aren't allowed to go in it in case you make it dirty. 

The first 10 minutes were all Tanners as several half chances were created. Then the game quickly started to get boring. So boring in fact that the Cray manager hopped over the fence and started running up and down the terraces coaching his defence...."Sorry lads, they weren't listening to me" .....he told us as he finally returned to his technical area.

The refurbished bar is fantastic. TVs everywhere and as warm as toast. It was a wrench to leave it but very soon Callum warmed the chestnuts with a goal early in the 2nd half. The game improved slightly although the Cray 'keeper mulled that it was a very poor match which he put down to gluttony and slothfulness.

Cray very nearly ruined the day for us in injury time when an open goal was missed from just 8 yards out. The referee finally bought a cold afternoon to an end and we edge closer to the play off zone. 

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way 
Oh what fun it was to see the Levred win away 
(Instead of slobbing around at home). Hey.

Travelling Tanners

Boxing Day and it's the bumper festive fixture of Cray Wanderers away.  Kingstonian / Corinthian-Causuals or Merstham would be too obvious.

Kick off at 3pm.  Bah humbug.

Happy Christmas!

From all of us here at The Lip, Happy Christmas!  I hope you all kept the receipt for the league's choice of Boxing Day fixture...

Travelling Tanners

While The Mole threatens to rise again, Leatherhead travel to Margate to play on their all-weather pitch.

Our hosts sit one place and two points behind us so looks to be a close game.  Never mind that though.  An envious look at their fixtures show they have a local derby of Folkestone on Boxing Day... while we have a trip to Cray Wanderers...

Kick off at 3pm.  Good luck fellas.

Ks are coming

I have left it as long as I could but I am going to tempt fate now and say Ks are coming to the Grove tonight.

One time tenants; now sneering at our irrelevance and pub-team-esque stature, they come to the Grove sitting five places below us in the table.

Kick off at 7.45pm.  See you there!

Leatherhead 1 - 0 Brightlingsea Regent

Leatherhead fielded a full strength side although still awaiting international clearance for Zeus and Hades. 

Brightlingsea Regent are struggling in the league so they were unlikely to come bearing any gifts. Meanwhile we were desperate not to come acropolis in a winnable Homer fixture. On a cold day such as this a Baklava would have been very useful.

Brigtlingsea created the first goal when a defender headed the ball square into his team mates face and flattened him. Will Salmon made full use of the space created to make it 1-0 after just one minute. 

We dominated the opening exchanges and Ibrahim and Tommy Wood both went close whilst Jerry rose like an Adonis to send a cross soaring over the Bernard EdwardsStand. Chloe shrugged claiming it was nothing to do with her. Mensah had the next chance firing the ball straight at the keeper when one-on-one.

Unfortunately I had to leave at half time as I had a date with Julian Clary so the rest of the game was behind me but the score remained 1-0. With several teams not playing the 3 points elevated us up to 10th in our league Odyssey and just about Virgil on the play-offs.

No one likes a big one more than Julian so he would love to squeeze in the the visit of K's on Tuesday even with cold balls.

Brightlingsea Regent are coming

Leatherhead's position in the league still looks rather low despite the recent string on wins.  The distraction of the Trophy is to blame as we have about three games in hand.

Our coastal friends come to the Grove today in a rather precarious position; hovering around the relegation places.

Kick off at 3pm.  Good luck fellas.

Tanners 2 - 0 RVP

Despite there being no serious trouble at The Grove for 20 years (with the exception of Jamie O'Hara punching a child) the club has decided it is money well spent to employ several security staff bearing cameras. On this rainy evening they were able to man mark the supporters rather than adopt a zonal defence.

We also have a new sleeping policeman at the entrance to the car park which is so high as to potentially damage a sports car. I hope the club is insured. There are normally 3 stewards standing there anyway so it all seems rather unnecessary.

As you can probably tell the match was a low key affair. So low key that you could leave your piano at home. Leatherhead had all the best chances in the first half including a goal through a hole in the side netting. The referee initially gave it whilst the Tanners sneaked back to the half way line giggling. The linesman had spotted it however and a corner was given as a compromise even though it was a goal kick.

In the 2nd half RPV (from 2 leagues below) became embarrassed by our attempts to beat them so one of their defenders neatly finished off a cross by Ibrahim. Travis added a well taken goal late on to ensure the victory and round off a game that will live short in the memory.

Raynes Park Vale are coming!

Scrap that!  I've just been informed the game was switched to Fetcham Grove.

Kick off still at 7.45 though...

Travelling Tanners

A chilly night is in store for tonight's Surrey Senior Cup game away at Raynes Park Vale.

Cherrypickers have picked the new lights up and hopefully this time it will go ahead without a hitch.

Kick off at 7.45.  Good luck fellas.

Lewes 0 - 1 Tanners

It was a bleak wintry day by the South Downs. Roll on spring when young lambs will be gaily frolicking in the meadows amongst the pansies. Despite the cold weather a healthy sized group of travelling supporters made the journey, braving the average speed checks and demands to go Christmas shopping from tyrannical wives.

The usual Lewes parking dilemma has been solved somewhat unsatisfactorily by a local college exploiting their local football club by charging £2 to park in their empty car parks. Jeremy Corbyn has promised to set aside £31 billion to provide free car parking and free soup at all non-league football grounds. Boris Johnson has rejected the idea suggesting that footballers should put on gloves and throw the ball against a wall.

The game couldn't have started much better when on just 4 minutes Simon Mensah drifted past a defender and passed the ball into the net. Lewes spent the rest of the first half rolling on the floor in agony and rather strangely wasting time. The referee bought much of the feigned injury and awarded about 20 fouls making for a messy first half.

The strangest moment of the 2nd half was the announcement that the crowd was 524 when it looked to be about 300. The next weird moment was the substitution of Ibrahim on 56 minutes which seemed to turn the game. The chances we were creating dried up and suddenly Lewes were all over us like a cheap suit in the FA Cup at Torquay.

In the end we were hanging on and Lewes will feel unlucky not to have stolen a point in the last few minutes. Man of the match goes to Charlie Hester Cook for his tireless work in midfield and defence. He certainly earned his free cab ride home although he wasn't allowed to eat in the back.

The three points see us sitting comfortably in mid table with a couple of games in hand and plenty to play for in the league. Meanwhile, a win over Raynes Park Vale in the Surrey Cup on Tuesday will give us a home tie with Sutton.

Travelling Tanners

A trip to the south coast(ish) is on offer today for mid table football with limited parking.

Lewes sit beneath us in the table but are unbeaten in their last three, including a very credible draw against Folkestone.

Kick off at 3pm.  Good luck fellas.

Ramsgate 2 - 3 Tanners

The home side appear to be quite down after this defeat, where they felt they did enough to win or at least take this game into the lottery of penalties... but Ibz had other ideas.

A masterclass from our infirm striker.  He found the net in the opening minutes and the few supporters that made the trip could have been forgiven for believing the win would be straight forward.

The hosts had other ideas; scoring not once but twice to take the lead and look favourites to progress but Leatherhead had other ideas...

Jerry popped up on 89 minutes (although Ibz appears to claim it himself via Twitter) and Ibz in stoppage time to grab the late win.

One long distance trip is followed by another; Lewes away on Saturday....

Travelling Tanners

Leatherhead dip their toe into the League Cup tonight with a rather unenviable trip to Ramsgate.

Our old friends play their trade a level below, in the Isthmian South East, and are having a horrible time sitting in 19th place.

Kick off at 7.45.  Directions can be found here.  Good luck fellas!

Game off

Table reservations in the Sai Restaurant are cancelled as Raynes Park Vale flick the switch on tonight's game.

They have a floodlight issue (we've been there) which cannot be resolved as the pitch is too wet to get a cherry-picker on there.

Game to be re-arranged...

Tanners 0 - 3 Dorking Wanderers

This is exactly why I hate the Trophy; you start to get a little bit excited and you then lose to a Conference South side... and so it happened.

There is much to be pleased about though.  The two wins and good attendance will no doubt help the finances and the performance was not as bad as the score line suggests.  Dorking were just a lot more clinical.

Before the game there was a good atmosphere around Fetcham Grove.  Ex-Leatherhead legend Macca was in the bar, desperately searching for Gary Neville or Jamie Carragher to do an interview on the pitch with.

Finally the game got underway and Leatherhead looked the part although rarely troubled Dorking's 'keeper.  Meanwhile at the other end, a wrong choice of studs (perhaps) cost us the opening goal as Will Salmon slipped on the wet pitch to allow a free run on goal... 0-1.

As the first half came to a close the best chance fell to Tommy Wood but he failed to take it.

Second half and Leatherhead continued to get the ball out wide well but got absolutely no joy in front of goal.  We pressed for the equaliser and added the attacking threat of DSane... what he added in attack he took away in defensive balance and the floodgates opened.

Two quick goals saw me heading to the car with five minutes to spare only to hear of a late Arsenal equaliser.  Bloody FA Trophy.

On to the Surrey Senior.  A proper competition!

Dorking Wanderers are coming!

For some this is the biggest game of the season, for others it is like a trip of MK Dons to Luton... either way a chance to earn some welcome funds is at stake tomorrow as we face Dorking Wanderers in the FA Trophy tomorrow.

A fine winning run came to an end in comprehensive fashion, with a disastrous trip to East Thurrock last weekend.  Perhaps the boot up the backside we needed before tomorrow's game.

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

East Thurrock 3 - 0 Tanners

Leatherhead were better off without me.  After a few weeks away I returned to watch our 8 game winning run come to an end.

Leatherhead set out with no real width, forcing the ball down the middle up to Ibz and down the throat of the East Thurrock defence.

Their opening goal was simple.  A ball into the feet of their striker, who turned smartly and fired his shot past Zak.

The second half saw Leatherhead offer very little despite making three changes.  Our hosts went on to score two late goals to completely ruin the day.

Next week it is the visit of Dorking... 

Tanners 2 - 1 Corinthian-Casuals

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, Corinthian Casuals walked into ours in the middle of a phenomenal winning run. And it was a case of play it again Nikki as we made it 8 consecutive wins. Here's looking at you, Kid.

For those not in Casablanca, we got off to a perfect start after just 30 seconds when Eddie Dsane put us into the lead after a poor clearance by a Casual defence. It looked like this would be a comfortable win when ex Tanner Emanuel Agboola meekly saved a shot straight into the path of Ibrahim.

After that it all went a bit wrong. We seemed to lose our shape and frequently lost possession allowing Casuals to get one back just before half time.

In the 2nd half we were very fortunate that Zak at the back continued to save a very high percentage of the shots on the goal on the goal. Casuals piled on the pressure but Jerry stayed firm. Nikki was considering sitting down in his frustration but he just about held out for the final whistle.

Round up the usual suspects for the next league game on Saturday in the East of Thurrock, but whatever happens we'll always have Paris.

Needham Market 1 - 2 Tanners

The Leatherhead juggernaut rolled up the A12 into Suffolk and returned with £3,000 and a brand new combine harvester to make it 7 consecutive wins.

Tommy Wood may have been recalled to AFC Wimbledon but there is no stopping The Tanners at the moment. Confidence and commitment is coursing through the veins. A Burger King was making its way through mine.

Chloe had boldly predicted a 3-1 result whereas Woody was more concerned about keeping his spam head warm as he had foolishly travelled without a nice warm woolly hat. 

Fixture congestion is piling up as we are still competing on 4 fronts. There is a chance we may need to play the Surrey Senior Cup in Raynes Park and the FA Trophy in Weymouth within 24 hours.  Nikki stated that no decision has yet been made about who would sit in the dugout at Raynes Park. 

Goals from Ibrahim and Travis and another strong defensive performance ensured we progress to the 3rd Qualifying Round when the National League South teams enter the competition. 

Those who love a day trip will be hoping we travel to Taunton or Weymouth or Bath. Others will hope we play Hemel Hempstead for the chance to whirl our shirts above our heads, chat about long term plans, and reminisce about the Chike Kandi transfer.

Just as long as it isn't Dulwich Hamlet. Not everyone has moved on.

Travelling Tanners

Leatherhead make the long journey to Needham Market in fine form.  Leatherhead sides of the past would have slipped up in the Surrey Senior Cup or crumbled under the pressure we were under last weekend but we have gone on to notch up a fine string of wins.

Today it is the Trophy and we face a Needham Market side that sit in 15th place in their respective league.

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  Good luck fellas.

Travelling Tanners

I thought I would be sounding the New Ground Klaxon today but inexplicably I went to Bishop's Stortford in 2003.  I wonder if we will go today such is the weather forecast for the rest of the day.

Leatherhead are on a fine run of form and would no doubt love to get this game on.

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  Good luck fellas!

Tanners 3 - 0 Ware

Those that sneer at The FA Trophy in favour of watching a dull game at lowly Ascot United missed out an another excellent Tanners win to make it 5 wins out of 5.

Not just that but we won £2,450 with the chance to win £3,000 in the next round before the National South teams enter.

Not just that but 2 more wins and we could face Leyton Orient or Dagenham.

Not just that but a new song emerged to pay tribute to a former Chairman.

Nikki has shown a fantastic refreshing attitude to the cup competitions compared to a previous regime. He has decided that we may as well try our best to win them!! This new attitude has shown in 2 thoroughly professional and committed performances this week.

From the moment Tommy Wood opened the scoring on just two minutes there was only one winner. Ware never had quite enough to wear us down. Ibrahim added a 2nd on 18 minutes and it could easily have been 3 or 4 by half time. Tommy Wood scored another to make it 3-0 towards the end.

The next round is in just two weeks time. Let's hope for another home draw and more than 225 people to enjoy it.

Ware are coming

Ware arrive to The Grove to face a very much in-form Leatherhead in the Trophy today.

The Trophy is a competition I don't have a lot of love for.  Inevitable  disappointment is just around the corner, as soon as the Conference sides enter.

Kick off at 3pm.  Good luck fellas.

Tanners 5 - 2 Camberley Town

For once Leatherhead played a team two leagues below them and looked the higher placed team in the Surrey Senior Cup.  On too many occasions I have turned up to see 8 or 9 academy players fielded, held together by a handful of senior players that were sulking about having to play at all. 

Nikki got the balance just right.  Woods was not allowed to play but still fielded DSane and Ibz.  Ibz is looking good, too good; recalled to Maidstone good and that showed with his two goals and at least one assist.

DSane got on the score sheet, which I think is important for us moving through the season.

What is important is our penalty record; it simply is not good enough.  I believe we have missed six from nine now as Ibz was the latest victim.  His shot was parried onto the post and reclaimed by the 'keeper.

Jerry was even on the score sheet.  A corner took a deflection and hit Jerry on the knee.  He knew very little about it but enough to laugh to himself as the fortunate strike beat the 'keeper.

Camberley did start brightly; warming the hands of Zak on five minutes, and got a couple of goals but in truth the met a side that was inform and in the mood for the winning run to continue.

FA Trophy it is then on Saturday with the visit of Ware.

Camberley Town are coming

Surrey Senior Cup action tonight and always a tricky one to know what to expect.  On league form, we should win this but I do wonder whether our loaned strikers will be allowed to play and what other changes could be made.

Camberley Town sit in fifth place in the Combined Countries; one of my favourite leagues; only two points off of the top.

Kick off at 7.45.  Season ticket holders can get in for just £8.  See you there!

Tanners 2 - 1 Hornchurch

Leatherhead put down a marker yesterday, they could go toe to toe with the best and get three points.  Past wins were against sides we would hope to beat but this was a step up.

The damage was done in the first half. Woods found space in the centre of goal to fire a low shot into the bottom corner.  He then became provider as his cross found Ibz, as half time approached, to be put away with yet another clinical finish.

The second half became all about the ref and Leatherhead resilience.  Hornchuch scored early in the half to really compound the excitement.

The ref started to emerge as the villain when our defender clipped a Hornchurch winger in a relatively risk free area and booked him.  Moments later, Mensah bursts through the middle of the pitch with the goal and attacking players in front of him when he was brought down.  No yellow card.

Woods had received a push in the back while in the box in the first half.  We assumed the ref felt it was too early in the game and Woods himself did not complain.  In the second half, Jerry was set to head the ball when a defender goes straight through the back of him; two hands on his back.  No penalty.

Meanwhile Leatherhead were trying their best to keep the visitors out.  Brave defending was not enough and Zak was called on at least three time with top class saves.  We forgave him for the heart-in-the-mouth moment of him spilling a ball towards the goal line.

On 90 minutes I wished it was rugby where a gong would sound and we could kick it into touch and celebrate the win.  Alas, we had to suffer five minutes (plus even ore time added on) of tense defending but we held out heroically.

We play in the Surrey Senior Cup on Tuesday... I hope this does not prove to be a distraction from our now fine league form...

Hornchurch are coming

The green shoots of recovery that looked killed off during the night-time frost at Bognor, appear to be in good shape with two fine wins.   The derby game against Merstham being a highlight. 

Beating sides that sit in the bottom half of the table is all well and good, but tomorrow we face a stiffer test in Hornchurch.  Last year they were AFC Hornchurch and finished 15th; rebranded to simply Hornchurch they sit in second.

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there.

Merstham 1 - 4 Tanners

Leatherhead put Merstham to the sword yesterday and got rewarded with four goals and three points.  It was clear from the opening minutes that Leatherhead could go on to demolish Merstham yesterday, with our host's defence straining and having to bring in the referee and assistant to help bolster it... a goal ruled out for a dodgy offside and two good shouts for a penalty turned down.

Ibz has returned a much improved player since joining Maidstone and his run of scoring continues as he calmly found the bottom corner.  Woods too has impressed as his powerful shot found the other corner... the ball coming to him via a clear handball (make that three penalty misses, ref).

The officials realised that defending wasn't their forte, so opted to attack and awarded a weak penalty.  With a hand delicately placed on the striker's shoulder, his feet slipped out from under him and the ref could not wait to give it.  2-1.

Travis is back to his best and calmly slotted away our third and off to the tea bar to queue as only one person was working on it, despite the increased crowds on Non-league Day. 

Second half and it was more of the same.  Mensah broke free after performing an outstanding role of controlling midfield and got our fourth.  The ref had given up on Merstham by this point and awarded us an equally laughable penalty, but DSane did the sporting thing and smacked his effort against the post.

The intensity did drop off as substitutions were made but we remained very much in control until the end.  This only left the final whistle and Merstham manager, Barry Hayles (a man who put Southampton out of the League Cup once) to somehow find room to blame the officials and complain for several minutes instead of recognising his own inability to control our attacking formation.

Hornchurch it is Saturday then...

Travelling Tanners

Leatherhead hit the road today to play in the Mick Sullivan Derby against our old friends, Merstham.  Our hosts have embraced Non-league Day, with entry just £5 if you are a season ticket holder of another club.

Meanwhile, Leatherhead have received the boost of moral that comes with three points and retaining key loan signings over the past week.

Kick off at 3pm. Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Travelling Tanners

A fine performance on Saturday saw Leatherhead pick up all three points, keep a clean sheet and lift them out of the relegation zone (also, 10 points off of the play-offs).  The loan signings are making the difference, so let's hope they stay a bit longer...

Tonight we have the formidable midweek trip to Margate to contemplate.  I have a Tesco delivery coming so can't make it...

Kick off at 7.45.  Directions can be found here.  Good luck fellas.

Cheshunt are coming!

A-ring-a-ding-ding!  Cheshunt come to the Grove today in the league, bringing with them a fans' favourite of Craig Edwards as manager.

Last year's South Central Division playoff winners come to the Grove looking to build on their comfortable start.  Nothing comfortable about our Tuesday night performance but let's hope for a reaction.

Kick off at 3pm.  Good luck fellas.

Bognor Regis Town 5 - 1 Tanners

I don't think any religious leaders lost any sleep over a second coming on the south coast last night.  Leatherhead's defensive frailties were on show and we were duly punished by our hosts.

The warning signs were there as early as the fifth minute when our defence parted allowing a free shot on goal.  Thankfully the shot was pulled inexplicably wide of the post.

On 11 minutes, Bognor had a corner which resulted in a free header and 1-0.  Eight minutes later they romp down the pitch like the Harlem Globetrotters, full of tricks, while we look like rabbits in the headlights.  2-0.

Now.  The sudden heavy downpour brought water into my house so I was just texting my wife to see if this had been resolved when we started a nice move which found a player out to our left.  I only saw a boot strike the ball and sail perfectly over the 'keeper into the net.  The quality of the finish suggested it was Ibz, but in fact it was Wood.

2-1.  We're back in this... well we were until we could only push the ball out of our box into the path of the in-form Dan Smith who rifled it from distance into the side netting.  3-1.

By now it was obvious we had no midfield at all.  I felt for poor Will Seager who looked rather lost in the centre after being asked to do a job to bolster it.  Any central defender who starts the game as left back then gets moved to central midfield would look lost.  Vigil Van Dyke would look lost.  An out and out defensive midfielder is needed urgently.

Half time needed a chocolate bar in addition to a cup of tea to calm down.  With glucose running giddily through my veins I stepped out looking forward to the second half.  This optimism was almost rewarded as Travis grabbed the game from the scruff of the neck and could have had a couple himself.  Three local kids who stayed down our end for "bants" suddenly didn't fancy it and walked back to join their mates.  The comeback was on...

No, it wasn't.  Leatherhead allowed Bognor Regis to overrun us not once but twice in the same move as a deflected shot was gathered on the goal line and crossed back in for a another headed goal.

At this point I decided to make my way home and enjoy the surprise road closures Bognor Regis had laid on for us.  On the way out I was able to see Ikebusi receive two quick fire yellows and hear the cheer for their fifth as I reached the road.

We were at least spared dropping to the bottom of the table by Corinthian-Casuals inability to retain a lead and Wingate & Finchley being managed by Spencer.  On to Saturday and the visit of Cheshunt...

Travelling Tanners

After celebrating the first win I sat down and took stock of my season so far.  I've realised I haven't been good enough.  I've recycled jokes, been overly sarcastic and not been myself.  It has been difficult though, I've missed games through travel but I am not here to make excuses.  Enough is enough.  My season starts tonight with the trip to Bognor Regis.

Bognor Regis sit just above us on the table and the last time we played them we put four goals past them, beating them 4-0 at their place.  They were the true victors though as their fans stayed and sung until the end...

Kick off at 7.45.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Tanners 1 - 0 Bowers Pitsea

Leatherhead get their first win of the season thanks to my positivity and an Olutade goal.

We started brightly.  Travis was causing problems down our right and it was from him we got our goal.  We pounced on a cross and fired powerfully at the 'keeper who could only spill it into the path of Ibz who instinctively headed it home.

Second half and Leatherhead started the game with their trademark laissez faire approach and were it not for an excellent save from Zak we would have conceded.  This was a storm we had to weather for 15 minutes before the sense of inevitability subsided.

Then we looked a decent side again and on two occasions we went narrowly wide of the post.  We also were spared by a ref who adjudged a foul to have occurred outside the box where some may have seen it another way.

Three points in the bag and Nikki can finally be himself again in front of the cameras again.  Bognor Regis Town on Tuesday...

Bowers & Pitsea are coming

I have been told The Lip isn't as positive as it could be.  A little shocked by this I took a look at the table and can announce we are just 11 points off of the play-off places with it all to play for.

That starts, again, tomorrow with the visit of Bowers & Pitsea.  We could have met our new friends last week, but for a last minute goal at Lewes that sent us to penalties in the FA Cup.  Our guests sit in 14th place and have a Third Qualifying Round to look forward to.

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Worthing 5 - 5 Tanners

Bloody hell.  What must Leatherhead do to win a game this season?

Some fifteen years ago, Worthing was the venue for my stag-do where my pants were pulled down and I was given a good spanking.  It was that in mind I entered the stadium and the opening few minutes did little to convince we another humiliating good hiding wasn't going to be dished out today.  Yeah, it was some tidy footwork to beat our defender to set up the goal but on two minutes you fear the worst.

Leatherhead did not lie down though and some equally smart move down our right and a good low cross allowed Travis to fire home to make it 1-1.  Hester-Cook guided the ball home from the edge of the area shortly after to make it 2-1 and Worthing looked a little shell-shocked.  The ref too was clearly confused with what was going on and awarded us a penalty for something that was not immediately obvious.  He was too handsome to argue with and so DSane stepped up but scuffed his shot right at the 'keeper.

Leatherhead were really dominating this game and limited Worthing to just two chances.  A pity they scored from both of them as we allowed them to cross and head home with ease.  Nikki Bull was ruddy furious and there is a water bottle that will never see action again.

Second half and it all went off.  Worthing repeated their trick of scoring in the opening minutes and the curse of a complete second half collapse went on, despite Nikki Bull coming out from the dressing room 5 minutes early.  Then Leatherhead came into their own.  A swinging cross found Tommy Wood's head and the ball rocketed into the back of the net. 3-3.  Otulade then broke free and fired the ball into the top corner. 4.3. Tommy Wood repeated his trick, albeit less convincingly as he ball found the net via his neck then shoulder.  They all count.

5-3 the good.  This was it, the first win.  Supporters were so relaxed they argued the subject a former teacher taught at school.  Then, it happened.

A rather harmless ball was aimed into the box but it had a touch of spin that deceived Will Salmon sending it behind him instead of bouncing up onto his chest as he ran onto it.  He had a choice, let it go and try and recover or "innocently" leave the trailing arm out to be struck.  Amazingly he opted for the latter and the statuesque ref awarded the most obvious penalty you will see.  5-4.

At 5-4 the equaliser was just a matter of time and sure enough some balls-up of sorts allowed them to fire a shot through a crowd of players to ruin what would have been a lovely away trip.

As away trips go though it wasn't all that bad.  There was a light festival on the beach, which my wife saw online and insisted on going to.  I bumped into a couple of their fans and it appeared they were as disappointed with a draw as we were.  Ten goals and neither side happy.  First World problems, I guess.  After that the ten goal thriller, Nikki Bull has given the side the weekend off.  No action this week...

Travelling Tanners

Out of the cup, winless and bottom of the league; is a plastic pitch the place to go today?  Probably not, but that's the task at hand when we travel to Worthing today.

Worthing have nine points to their name while Leatherhead have two "new" on-loan signings.

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Lewes 2 - 2 Tanners (Lewes win 3-1 on penalties)

We conceded on 5 minutes but heads stayed up and we responded well with D'Sane converting a clear penalty on 18 minutes.

We continued to show great levels of energy. Tommy Wood finishing confidently to put us 2-1 up on 23 minutes. This wasn't the stroll in Tivoli Gardens that Lewes might have expected and it certainly wasn't the place for Little Mermaids. 

The 2nd half was a significant improvement on previous efforts this season. The energy levels and commitment were back to the levels Nikki has been crying out for. Passions were running high with everyone hoping £4,500 would end up in the right hands. 

A stunning save from Zak kept our dreams alive until the last moment of normal time when Lewes equalised with a disputed "was it over the line?" goal. Zak and Will were booked for their protestations making a costly 5 bookings on the night for the Tanners.

We had the best chance of the 1st period when Hester Cook just missed out on converting a One-on-One. Still 2-2 and the 2nd period saw us kicking towards the no-man's-land end. The end nearest the car park as the crow flies but the furthest away when walking as they don't bother to open the gate.

Make that 6 bookings. Our 6th turning from a gentle yellow into a nasty red. Luckily it came with just 7 minutes left before penalties.

Penalties. Lost. Good night.

Travelling Tanners

The first round of "Everywhere we go..." will quietly start at 4pm today, reaching a crescendo on reaching Lewes an hour later when fans step off of the coach wondering why the bloody hell did they get to the ground nearly three hours before kick-off.  This will no doubt be cleared up upon entering the first pub...

On the pitch, Leatherhead are still looking for their first win over 90 minutes.  If the game was only 45 minutes we'd be laughing with 8 points and £4,500 in the bank.

Kick off at 7.45.  Good luck fellas.

Tanners 2 - 2 Lewes

Into to the Dripping Pan and out of desire.

Leatherhead squandered a two goal lead to take this tie into a replay.  It was a very different Leatherhead performance in the first half and Lewes looked quite ratted by the new presence upfront we had.  We were positive and threatening which had the Lewes defenders exchanging nervous glances.

The nervous levels rose further as Jerry stepped up for set pieces and his presence paid off with two goals. One seemed to glance off of his shoulder and the other a powerful header that gave the 'keeper no chance.

2-0 and we mused over where we would like to play in the next round.  A nice trip to Weston-super-Mare or Truro... I may even make a weekend of it.  Now, whatever Nikki says at half time he should stop, pull up a chair in the bar with a beer and stay out of it as what happened next was typical of what we have seen this season so far.

It was a completely different team that turned out and Lewes now looked like the confident team.  Tommy Wood who looked so promising now had a touch of the Joe Sheerin about him.  With only three subs there was little inspiration on the bench and when they did come on they appeared a yard off of the pace.

The result was an emphatic Lewes comeback as they pulled the two goals back with little resistance.  In the dying minutes a powerful shot looked destined to send us crashing out of the cup, but fortunately it crashed against the post and bounced safely away.

Wednesday night for the replay.  I'm in Copenhagen so will miss all the fun...

Lewes are coming. Again.

As so often is the case, a cup fixture follows with the same opposition you have shortly faced (or will face) in the league and so that is tomorrow.  Lewes were a side that looked ripe for the picking but that was overlooking just how bloody poor we have been this season.

The shenanigans off the pitch no doubt played a major part in this.  Bland club statements and stiff-upper lip can only take you so far when you then let a few things slip to the local press.

On to tomorrow we go then.  A flurry of new signings and the prospect of winning and keeping some FA Cup prize money (I meant due to having registered players, obviously) will hopefully lift the side.

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Tanners 1 - 4 Lewes

Leatherhead must be held to account for a heavy loss today as Lewes cashed in with 4 goals.

One recent departure that will will be sorely missed is Dan Gallagher, after his long stretch at the club. His honesty and commitment to the club has never been in doubt. His absence left a gaping hole in midfield.

This game certainly wasn't stolen by Lewes and we now sit sadly at the bottom of the league. Lewes took an early lead when they helped themselves to an early goal on 9 minutes. The ball was bundled into the net again on 26 minutes and we went into half time 2 down. It was enough to make you keep returning to the tea bar throughout the game.

Lewes plundered 2 more goals in the 2nd half and probably felt robbed when we scored a consolation goal. It started to rain and got rather chilly but not bad enough for hands to be put in other people's pockets.

We have won a huge amount of FA Cup money in the past couple of seasons. It would nice to keep some of this loot when we play Lewes again next week.

Lewes are coming

Our old friends, Lewes, come back to the Grove today for this league encounter.

Hopefully futures have been considered and we have all the resignations done and dusted for the week.  Some good news is that International Clearance has been received for one player to make their debut.

Kick off at 3pm.  I'm considering to go... 

Travelling Tanners

Looking at the other teams in the league, this fixture has now been upgraded to "local derby".  Looking at the league it has also been upgraded to "must win". 

We travel to Carshalton Athletic today, a team that have won the last two games and scoring seven goals in doing so.

Kick off at 3pm.  Good luck fellas.

Tanners 1 - 2 Enfield Town

Second half blues and absent friends.

If all our games ended at half time we'd have 8 points and be 4th. As it is we have 2 points and we're 5th bottom. That's a mystery for Nikki to solve and hopefully quite quickly. 

More of a mystery is the curt statement announcing the departure of Richard Brady. No best wishes. No thanks for the promotion and many years of service. No mention of the FA Cup run. Will the long suffering members ever find out the truth......based on recent history probably not.

Enfield Town are coming

After a disappointing last minute equaliser at Folkestone (a match report I now see will be assigned to the "draft folder" forever) we continue to search for our first win.

This happens at home with the visit of Enfield Town tomorrow, a side that lost 4-1 to Horsham...

Kick off at 3pm.  Good luck Tanners.

Travelling Tanners

Leatherhead search for their first win against Folkestone Invicta this weekend.  Conditions are not forecast to be the best, certainly not a day to have hopes of much play at Lords for example.

Our hosts have two wins to their name, beating Worthing and Cray Wanderers already.  No easy task for us then...

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  Good luck fellas.

Tanners 2 - 3 Haringey

The omens were not good as on arrival to the club house we quickly saw the curry was late while a frantic Richard Bligh tried to locate the mildly spiced buffet.  Haringey arrived at the Grove, armed with cake, in reasonable numbers given it was a mid-week game and the distance etc.

I did manage to sneak in a plate of "seconds" so waddled around to the pitch just in time to see the ball strike the hand of Haringey player in the box.  This was far to early for the ref' to make such a decision and you would need to wait about 15 minutes for the game to bed in before getting a penalty for this... On 17 minutes the ball struck Jerry's hand and a penalty was awarded.  0-1.

It was a shame as Leatherhead were on top and were showing good promise.  Leatherhead continued to press for a goal and got it on the stroke of half time when a clumsy challenge brought a penalty to Leatherhead and DSane continued his scoring run.  1-1.

Second half was a very different affair though and despite Nikki's claim of a bright opening 5-10 minutes I thought he had it right before he corrected himself of the time scale being in seconds.  We failed to respond to the increased effort from Haringey and they made us pay.

The first goal came from a ball into the box that was not cleared but placed into the path of a striker who was afforded enough time to pick his spot. 1-2.  Not too long after we conceded again, a header from a corner.

The game appeared all over when Dan Gallagher calmly volleyed a ball into the side netting to set up a finish to the game we barely deserved.  That finish nearly came when Jerry, pushed up front, was free in the box with the ball at his feet.  Striking the ball, while falling backwards, it went just wide and Haringey survived the scare.

Folkestone away Saturday...

Haringey Borough are coming

The team many thought (hoped) would win the league last year, come to the Grove tonight with a win already under their belts. 

The away fixture to North London, last season, will go down with many as one of the highlights of the campaign and showed just how important players like Travis are to our chances... and he is back!

Curry plates up at 6.30.  Kick off at 7.45.  See you there.

Horsham 1 - 1 Tanners

I was expecting a bit more from the trip to Horsham, although holidays and replacement bus services may have reduced the crowd a little. 

On getting there it had a feel of a big game that only comes from parking a five minute walk from the ground.  On entering, the atmosphere was lively but I was expecting t see grown men cry upon entering their new stadium.

On the pitch and Leatherhead can be reasonably content.  This time last year, we were given a sound thrashing at the hands of a newly promoted side but this time we more than held our own.

There was a patient composure to our build up play and in the first half I would say we, overall, controlled it.  Our goal came from a DSane penalty which was won through a challenge where the ball appeared to be won but at the expense of taking out the striker.

DSane could have double his tally but for the intervention of Ekpiteta who struck, albeit a powerful shot, while lying on the ground.

Horsham then struck.  We fell asleep and the ball was worked into the box and slipped into the back of the net, beating Zak at his near post.

Second half and Horsham really did compete.  We headed off of the line at least once and saw the ball less in dangerous positions.  Jerry had two great chances to take the lead.  A powerful volley going just wide of the right post and a glances headed even closer to the left.

Just as I thought we deserved more, Zak pulled off a miraculous save to justify the honours being even.  On to Tuesday's curry night...

Travelling Tanners

So, here we go again.  Another season starts following, result wise, a disappointing pre-season.  However, let's cheer ourselves up the glorious sound that is the NEW GROUND KLAXON.

Tomorrow we travel to our old friends Horsham.  A team that drifted down the leagues and even out of Horsham due to their ground sharing arrangements.  That is behind them as they join us in the Isthmian Premier League in their new ground.

Parking advice has been given and we should aim to park in the RSPCA and take a shuttle bus.  There is also a Park & Ride opposite and details can be found here.

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Farnborough Town are coming

Leatherhead take in Farnborough in a round of strange exhibition games; two games lasting 60 minutes each.  To accommodate this they kick off at 2.30.

A pity, as after our first win in the week it would be good to set ourselves out again but I doubt a settled side will be played today.

Good luck fellas.

Travelling Tanners

I'm back from Serbia, where it has been difficult to keep up to date with the friendly results.  I've heard "unlucky", "great effort" and "grand stand finish"... all bywords for losing each game I am guessing...

Onto tonight where we play Greenwich Borough of the Isthmian League South East Division.  Despite the prospect of a new ground, I was unable to make this game.  Hopefully some updates will come from somewhere.

Kick off at 7.45.  Good luck fellas.

Kensington & Ealing Borough 3 - 2 Tanners

Another game against a side a few leagues below us and another defeat.

I couldn't make this game, which was a shame as I did enjoy the trip to Corinthian FC.  A quick glance at Twitter tells all we need to know.

Eddie DeSane looks our best chance of getting goals and he was at hand to ger our first to make it 1-1.  A Trialist makes it 2-1 in the second half before have a similar collapse to the one we suffered in  Kent.

2-2 quickly became 2-3 as yet another defensive cock up costs us the game.

Preparations continue but focussing the mind to iron out some of these howlers will allow the team to build some confidence... next up Moneyfields and their Pompey-esque badge...

Fixtures are out!

The fixtures are out and can be found here!  The New Ground Klaxon sounds as early as the first game, as we travel to Horsham and their new ground on 10 August...

Then to Boxing Day... and day for local derbies... away to ruddy Cray...

They highlight too Non League Day, where we travel to Merstham for the typical ill-tempered game we know and love.

Corinthian FC 4 - 2 Tanners

I was told, on arrival, that we had played them six or seven times before and had yet to lose this fixture so felt fairly certain of seeing a comfortable win at my 300th ground.  Some old faces were there, evidence that the prospect of retaining the services of the team that nearly finished in the play-off places was almost a reality plus some new faces.

Tieless Nikki must have sent out an order, "get all of the mistakes for the season out of the way tonight" and if so they followed it to the letter... we're going to win the league.  First up Zak misjudged the flight of the ball and attempted a catch far too low with the ball slipping through his fingers and set up an easy tap in.

Sunshine football continued as their number 4 headed home a powerful own goal.  Moments later Eddie DSane, who struck the bar with a powerful drive earlier in the game, latched onto a low cross to make it 2-1.

I popped off to the bar in what I thought would be a harmless drink only to hear the Corinthian No 4 had redeemed himself not once but twice but dispossessing Seager and pouncing on a Hester-Cook back pass.  The second and third mistake of the game.

3-2, all not lost until another defensive error saw someone (I forget) fail to trap a ball and allow it to run to a striker who put it away.

The result isn't important as such but the application is.  Telling from the language they were effing up for it which is half the battle.  Onto Saturday and a tricky trip to Kensington & Ealing Borough.  Ground 301..? 

Travelling Tanners

It all starts again tonight with the annual trip to Corinthian FC.  We have been a little quiet on new signings but retaining the side that nearly finished in the play-off places is also encouraging.

This will be my 300th ground, so I am hoping to make the trip (traffic willing).

Kick off at 7.45.  Directions can be found here.  See you there?

Ks 0 - 4 Tanners

All the goals Leatherhead could have scored over the last few games, to give our play-off chances real hope, were piled onto Ks to ensure at least one Surrey based club feels worse than us going into the closed season.

No one could have predicted that so many goals would be scored from the first half, such was the lack of quality from both sides.  This was the very worst of all end-of and pre season games I have seen for a long while, with neither team looking likely to try let alone try to score.

Half time and a few changes later, we were a different side and soon gave Ks a good thrashing.  First it was Travis, a player that was unlucky not to receive either of the fans' awards, as he cut inside and placed a curling shot past the 'keeper.

Dan Gallagher must have heard such mutterings of the unlucky Travis and calmly side footed a cross into the same corner.  He soaked up the adulation, this time without tripping over anything.

It has to be said, their 'keeper took some painkillers in the first half so was perhaps not as mobile as he could be but there was little he could do about the third.  A ball that was cleverly lobbed to the far post was headed into the roof of the net by Olutade to prove he is still a Tanner...

The fourth goal was the icing on the cake.  Travis sent in a free kick that Shaun leapt for but failed to get his head on it, with the 'keeper assuming there would be contact was deceived by the dummy and in it went.  Shaun tried to claim it, briefly, but the goal was Travis'.

The players and management tea, were given a hearty send off.  See you next season.  We hope.

Travelling Tanners

For the last time this season, Leatherhead hit the road and take on Kingstonian.

If Nikki is still having wayward-player issues, I hope he at least sets out the team in a reasonable manner.  Notably, a striker upfront and our best midfielders in midfield.

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there.

Dorking revisited

A football coach I know visited The Grove Saturday and sent me his appraisal of the game, which I post now...

Enjoyed the game Monday, Dorking just showed their experience.

I would have played Travis up front.  Danny G worked hard but was no goal threat and played well in midfield against Lewes.

You should have been ahead before they scored. The first corner and a bit later when Jerry turned the ball in from the right would both have been almost tap ins had there been a more experienced cam playing but everyone had joined the charge of the light brigade towards the goal line. The 3 quality free kicks from the right showed you had no centre forward.  Everyone made runs perpendicular to the flight and moved late.

Their first goal was predictable the moment no.9 flicked it and then had the nouse to stay put. Quality strike though.  Second goal we predicted the moment your no.7 didn't react to a ball in towards the middle edge of your box. Allowed the Dorking player through in an overload. 2 passes goal, just because no.7 was 4ft to far to his right.  Third goal the left back was really poor. Needed to be much stronger and a bit more canny.  He knew who had isolated him and needed to get underneath him sharpish. Also too much time given to crosser.

Overall though we were very impressed. The team set up worked, the players competed really well, pressed as team and had some great moments, they just didn't gift you the crucial openings you gave them.  A far better display than Worthing put up against Dorking.  You need to keep the players you've got and ad a proper striker.

Impressed with your youngsters who all listened to and carried out the coach's instruction except your left back who moaned all the time and didn't listen much.

We really enjoyed it though.