Hayes & Yeading 0 - 0 Westfield

A large traveling contingent of four young Westfield supporters made the short hop to West London. On arrival they were shocked to discover that they had to pay an entry fee as home games are free to the majority of their supporters.

The referee appeared equally disinterested in this mid-table clash and couldn't be bothered to start until 19.50.

Hayes were keen to avenge the 7-0 embarrassment of 2 months ago in the reverse fixture, although since then Westfield have fallen down the form table alarmingly; resembling Fareham more than their Portsmouth area rivals.

Hayes had the better of the first half (tho' this deputy reporter is very biased) with the mild mannered and well spoken away 'keeper spilling shots and crosses on a couple of occasions. The first half missed the class of a Hogan or an Anas and remained goalless.

The 2nd half was very uneventful. Neither side seemed capable of even mustering up the dark arts and housery to liven things up.

On a mild evening there will be no need for the traditional yellow and black bobble hat to appear in the mealy-mouthed post-match interview.

The draw means that we need 6 more points to see football come home…

Tanners 2 - 3 AFC Portchester

I blame myself for this one. Prior to the game, Ian Selley was kind enough to present me with a signed squad photo for sponsoring a player. I (jokingly) chastised Ian for letting go of not one but two players I'd sponsored this season (Sam Ou Est De St Croix and Logan Coles) and this must have unsettled his pre-match preparations. Apologies.

 

Onto the game, and the large crowd didn't have to wait long for an opening goal. On the one-minute mark, Breckon was set free just left of goal and he placed his shot perfectly into the bottom corner. 1–0.

 

Any thoughts that the win was somehow inevitable were short-lived, as an AFC Portchester player was given far too much space to side-volley a shot powerfully down the middle of the goal. 1–1.

 

We did manage to restore the lead when Seb went full Ronaldinho and sent in a lofty cross to the far post — but it perfectly lobbed the keeper and nestled into the goal. 2–1, but there were signs we weren't quite at the races.

 

Second half, and AFC Portchester looked sharper all over the pitch. Ryan Pennery was certainly more alert when he pounced on a ball ricocheting around the six-yard box and bundled it in. 2–2. He then made space for himself and bent a shot in from just inside the area. 3–2.

 

Leatherhead changed it up, with Marcel Barrington coming on, and started to regain some control. He was at the centre of our best chance to equalise. A ball ballooned up in the air and dropped to him in the box with a clear sight of goal. It was one of those that seemed to take an eternity to come down, so he opted to head it towards the far post. In stormed Breckon, who improvised an attempt with his shoulder, but the ball — and he — crashed into the post.

 

So, after seven straight wins, we suffer defeat, but with a healthy gap of 11 points we can go into Wednesday's game without the need to panic…

AFC Portchester are coming!

After a very respectable second place, finish in the Tanners Quiz Night, I hope to take some of that confidence into today's game when we face fifth placed AFC Portchester.

Our guests have 11 points from their last six games, and are a worthy addition to the play-off places. I very much enjoyed the reverse fixture, with a healthy support that they had on a Tuesday night.

Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Horndean 0 -3 Tanners

On arrival at the ground, any pre-match confidence I'd built up on the drive down suddenly disappeared as we were greeted by a windswept pitch and horizontal rain. Nothing saps the quality from a game more than gale-force wind. Walking into the bar, there was a notable absence of home supporters. We did strike up a conversation with a young striker who looked to have been ruled out. I looked at the size of him, then considered the size of Niran, and commented that he'd had a lucky escape.

 

One of the many quirks of the Horndean ground is that you can't watch the game from behind one of the goals. We found a corner that somehow created a wind vortex, with the rain sailing over our heads and into the faces of the supporters on the far side, and settled in to (hopefully) watch us take three points. When you're used to watching from behind the goal, everything looks a little different from the corner, but one sight remains familiar: Hogan running clear on goal. A through ball set him free and he confidently stroked it into the back of the net. Hogan has been known to run over and celebrate with the crowd, but on looking over and seeing three middle-aged men with their arms open wide to greet him, he suddenly appeared less confident and chose the warmer embrace of his teammates. I don't blame him. 1–0.

 

The rest of the half was a dogged affair, and we were pleased to get back into the clubhouse with a cup of soup.

 

For the first five to ten minutes of the second half, Horndean rallied and had a couple of chances. We survived the scare, made a few changes, and started to dominate again. Anas was influential with his pace down the right. He won the corner that was sent to the far post to Waters, who headed back across goal for Barrington to open his account with The Tanners. 2–0.

 

At 2–0 things felt comfortable, but what impressed me was that Leatherhead were still after more — chasing down balls and creating chances. Anas again won a corner from a cross, which arguably should have been a penalty when the defender stuck out a hand to block it. The Leo Sayer look-a-like lino did not make me feel like dancing when he failed to spot it, but we were dancing the night away eventually when Hedley headed home the resulting corner. 3–0.

 

A well-fought win and three points to keep us clear at the top of the table — a useful buffer as we face a very strong AFC Portchester on Saturday…

Travelling Tanners

A midweek trip to yet another Portsmouth-based club, as we look to secure three vital points.

Horndean sit in second to last place, and also lost 6-1 on the same night we beat RVP by the same score line.

Kick off at 7.45. See you there!

RPV are coming!

I love days like this - ironically , I'm away - when the footballing gods throw up a double header like this. All the events and tensions of the previous game roll seamlessly into the next… and there is plenty to roll over.

Hopefully everyone can turn up to this game and enjoy it for the game of football it is. Hopefully Leatherhead can be ready for a RPV backlash.

Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas!

RPV 1 - 6 Tanners

I was nervous coming into this game. After a hard-fought win on Saturday, I worried the players might be a little flat or complacent, but those fears were quickly put to bed.

 

Within the first couple of minutes we whistled a shot just over the bar — and then Gallagher struck. A through ball put him clear just left of goal, and his near-post finish was too good for the 'keeper. 1-0. Then the floodgates opened.

 

Ten minutes later: corner; Cam Black; 2-0.  Nine minutes later: Hogan breaks free; across-goal finish; 3-0.  Eight minutes later: long ball; Seb rolls his man; shoots; 4-0.  Five minutes later: penalty; Hogan; 5-0.

 

Forty minutes in, and Leatherhead had sent a message to the rest of the league.

 

Then Kane went down with a twisted knee while relentlessly chasing down RPV. Seeing him stretchered off was sobering, and from there we chose to manage the game more conservatively.

 

RPV applied more pressure and pulled one back on 52 minutes. Any hopes of a Binfield-esque collapse were ended soon after when Breckon met a knock-down from Cam Black (from a corner) and buried a side-volley into the far corner. 6-1.

 

The final whistle went and what should have been a joyful occasion was marred by some of the newer "supporters". If you're a young lad who turns up, makes a nuisance of yourself all game, then gets called out, takes offence, and plays up like a princess who's been asked to sleep on a hundred mattresses and a pea: stay at home, lad. You're not wanted.

 

Meanwhile, tonight Leatherhead fans can pull up a chair with a glass of wine, see how the other result pans out, and look forward to Saturday — hoping that this result doesn't breed any complacency…

Travelling Tanners

After a long wait, we travel to see some familiar faces tonight when we take on Raynes Park Vale.  They are looking to be more in form than they were when we were first scheduled to play, so we are going to need to play as well as we did on Saturday to get all three points.

 

Kick off at 7.45.  Direction can be found here.  See you there!

Moneyfields 0 - 1 Tanners

One-nil doesn't quite tell the full story. Leatherhead played without the kind of fear that has previously allowed Moneyfields to bully us, and instead with a level of dominance and control that really ought to have produced three or four goals.

 

One thing I wasn't expecting on arrival was the club's new crèche set-up. Apparently, on matchdays you can drop off your ten-year-old and they'll be entertained with loudhailers and Anglo-Saxon language. Leatherhead, meanwhile, kept Moneyfields pinned back in their own half, so, like any under-10s match, the kids simply followed the ball. They tried watching from behind our goal, but were swiftly moved on by the stewards.

 

Then came the breakthrough. Breckon latched onto a clever through ball, broke free, and ran clear on goal. In strode their cocky number 6, who brought Breckon down in the box. He was the last man, but the referee decided — conveniently — that it was a genuine attempt to play the ball and only showed a yellow. Back came the kids to try to put off Hogan, but there was only one winner. 1-0.

 

Moments later, Kane got tangled in the box and Moneyfields' number 5 took exception. As he got up, he "accidentally" kneed Kane in the back of the head. The ref saw it and, despite us receiving a red card for less in the same fixture last year, let him off with a warning.

 

Dickson was a standout in the first half, but he picked up an injury late on. I worried we'd lose momentum, but Seb came in and did well. We went into half-time 1-0 up.

 

In the second half, the Moneyfields we know and love turned up. They hadn't had much chance to play-act while they were chasing the game, so they made up for it by screaming louder and rolling around more dramatically in the hope of forcing us into card trouble — and the ref lapped it up.

 

At one point, two of their defenders went down in a synchronised display of dying, and they must have been disappointed that only one yellow was issued. Meanwhile, Breckon was being manhandled every time the ball went up to him, but because he left the Oscar performances to Hollywood, he got nothing from the referee.

 

When we were allowed to play, Leatherhead dominated and missed chance after chance. Hogan could have added two more: first from a cross that found him alone in the box (and then again from the follow-up), and later from a shot that nearly dipped under the bar. But we couldn't find the second goal to give ourselves a vital cushion.

 

I don't remember seeing a board for added time in either half, so we were left guessing as Moneyfields rallied for a late equaliser. A cheer went up from some of the travelling support at news Westfield had conceded late, just as a cross dropped to number 5 alone in front of goal. Thankfully, he ballooned it over, and the referee blew shortly after, sparking wild celebrations behind the far goal.

 

A steward then came over to advise us we needed to stay inside until they dispersed the prepubescent ultras. It's happened to me before, but I was away at Steaua Bucharest over 20 years ago — so it was strange to have the same thing at a non-league match in Portsmouth. When we eventually left, they were still outside with flares, so the move felt somewhat futile.

 

Somehow, we got out of the ground alive and look forward to the trip to Raynes Park Vale on Tuesday…

Travelling Tanners

Three times we have played Moneyfields and three times we have lost. Everytime we, and the referee, get sucked into their perfectly executed game of the dark arts; and if they score, forget about it.  They will be flopping down all over the pitch.  Let's hope for better today when we travel down to Portsmouth to face our third place rivals.

We appear to be travelling in numbers, and the pub to be is the Jolly Taxpayer.

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Tanners 3 - 1 Egham

While sipping a pre-match drink, I was handed the team sheet and noticed something strange: the away team had been allowed to play in lime green while we were also in green and white. Talk turned to Manchester's grey-kit debacle at Southampton, but who would be the ones ruing this decision? Luckily, Leatherhead's own Ken Monkou, Neil Shipperley and Matt Le Tissier were on hand to make sure it wasn't us.

 

The opening 25 minutes were everything the vast majority of last Saturday's game wasn't: high tempo and ruthless. The opener came after just ten minutes when a penalty was awarded for handball. Harsh on the defender, who had his arm outstretched to break his fall as he dived to block the shot, but the ball struck it and the referee pointed to the spot. Hogan stepped up for his 21st goal of the season. 1-0.

 

Jacob Breckon hasn't been on the scoresheet much recently, so it was good to see him cleverly make room for himself inside the box and fire into the bottom corner on 16 minutes. Mark Waters made it three when he pounced on a loose ball at the far post and side-volleyed in from a tight angle just six minutes later. 3-0.

 

With 25 minutes gone, a group of home supporters started the chant: "Can we play you every week?" It was far too early for such gloating, and Egham scored on the break. IDIOTS! 3-1. That shook Leatherhead a bit, and we had to work hard to regain control and see the half out.

 

Despite only three minutes being indicated, the referee allowed an extra three or four before Egham finally sauntered out for the second half. They had the manner of a group about to undertake a 45-minute spell of gardening rather than a football match. It was as if they had decided to topple their king over and declare, and we gratefully accepted. The second half was not much of a spectacle. We only had two shots: one from Kane that went just wide, and a dipping free kick from Hogan.

 

On 60 minutes, the Egham 'keeper went down with the kind of mysterious cramp the league should keep an eye on. All too often, an opposition 'keeper collapses holding his leg to receive "treatment" while the rest of the team have an ad hoc coaching session and a drink, only to play on without so much as a limp.

 

Three points notched up, though, and now we prepare for the trip to Moneyfields on Saturday…

Egham are coming!

A big night for the Isthmian South Central as 1st plays 8th and 3rd plays 10th at home in a wonderful piece of footballing symmetry.

Our guests have been chugging along quite nicely, only losing to Westfield and Portchester this year.

Kick off at 7.45pm. See you there!

Tanners 2 - 1 Fareham

As was the case when we met in November, Leatherhead needed a last-gasp goal to take all three points against a bottom-of-the-table side.

 

There was something not quite right about Leatherhead's performance. For long spells it was flat and lacked the urgency needed to maintain our position at the top. We did force the Fareham defence — and their TikTok 'keeper — into a few saves in the first half, but we went in at 0-0.

 

The second half started in much the same way until we gifted Fareham their chance. Wheeler completely mishit a pass straight into a striker. It looked like we'd survived the initial scare, but the ball was eventually smashed into the top corner from a tight angle. Just two minutes into the half, and it was 0-1.

 

Leatherhead continued to huff and puff, but we still created chances. When Anas scored his winner in November, there was a touch of luck in how the ball got to him, and the same was true here. A hopeful through ball should have been cut out easily by two well-placed defenders, but they both left it to each other and Anas was allowed to run on. The TikTok 'keeper dived towards his 360-degree camera for likes, and Anas sent the ball the other way. 1-1.

 

In the first half, Wheeler was booked for politely enquiring why he wasn't allowed to play on after an offside decision. No Fareham player was booked for similar "discussions" with the ref about why Anas wasn't deemed offside.

 

Leatherhead still looked flat until about ten minutes to go, when Kane started to lift the side by the bootstraps. He drove us forward and raised the tempo as we searched for a winner. Someone from Moneyfields must have texted the Fareham bench to ask why the TikTok 'keeper hadn't gone down injured for no reason, and down he went to receive "treatment" with only a few minutes of normal time left.

 

We went into stoppage time, and the news that Westfield had conceded an equaliser looked like it might be a silver lining — until Gallagher broke down the right. His cross found Hogan and, despite a Leatherhead player being dangerously close to blocking the effort, he placed his shot into the side netting to send the home support crazy.

 

Fareham slumped to the floor. Their valiant effort to cling on for a point — one that would do little to change the course of their season — had come to an end, and we could head home still top. Three points secured, but we can't repeat a performance like that and expect to get away with it, especially with Egham coming on Tuesday and a trip to Moneyfields on Saturday…

Fareham are coming

Bottom-of-the-table Fareham come to The Grove today, like a slippery banana skin threatening to ruin the results of last weekend.

This team have previous with us, only losing in the last minute following a fortunate flick on by a newly introduced Fareham sub.

Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Ascot 1 - 2 Tanners

"A place for everything, and everything in its place", as my mother used to say — and this was a well-balanced Leatherhead side, with the key players in the positions that cause (and limit) the most damage. Well, almost everyone: Waters was absent, so Paget stepped in and did a good job. Importantly, Anas was back and out wide, alongside Hogan.

 

As the players came out of the tunnel, someone shouted, "Keep it cool, Sonny," to our 'keeper, who turned and laughed. It lightened the mood, but it was a shadow of last year's game in terms of the home crowd. Their run of results has kept the floating supporters away, though those who were there were welcoming.

 

Initially, Ascot set themselves up to defend robustly at set pieces. Their number 2 decided Niran needed some manhandling and began a series of pushes and nudges. The ball came in, and number 2 was suddenly on his backside. He didn't try that again. It's good to have Niran back.

 

Leatherhead settled the nerves of the travelling support after just seven minutes. A cross was floated in and found Hogan unmarked in the middle, where he caressed the ball into the side netting. 1-0.

 

The second goal came in similar fashion. A corner was lofted in and this time Cameron Black was on hand to place the ball into the same corner. Two goals from lofted balls dropping to unmarked feet in the area tells you all you need to know about why this Ascot side has been struggling at the moment.

 

In the dying minutes of the first half, we swung in another cross that Breckon met, but his stooping header went just wide. 2-0 at half-time.

 

Early in the second half we nearly got off to the perfect start again, when Anas broke free on the right but shot uncharacteristically wide. At 2-0 we still looked comfortable, and we could spend the game glancing at other results and seeing things go our way.

 

Then came that sinking feeling: an Ascot player let fly with an ambitious shot-cum-cross from a tight angle and it found the top corner. 2-1. By then, Paget had to move back to right-back and we had the less defensively minded Logan Coles (sponsored by The Lip!) on, so Ascot had their tails up and started to press. The ref found seven minutes of stoppage time — which makes a mockery of the six that were awarded on Tuesday night, given the lengthy spells of timewasting Moneyfields enjoyed — but we held on for the win to move back to the top.

 

Onto Saturday, then, when Fareham come to the Grove…