Tanners 2 - 3 Dulwich Hamlet

Leatherhead’s players could not match the speed and accuracy of the bar service at the new pop-up bar as they succumbed to their second home defeat of the season.

 

The contrast between home and away defensive performances remains a growing concern. Eight goals conceded in three home games compared with just three away tells its own story.

 

The original linesman appeared to have chosen a village fair over an afternoon at Fetcham Grove and, much like one of our supporters, dropped out at the last minute. Thankfully, a late replacement stepped in — a chap resembling Brian Murphy, who saved the day. He was not exactly overworked, though, and his main contribution was to rule out one of our goals for offside. For the rest of the match, he mostly seemed to wait for the referee’s decision and then agree with it.

 

Leatherhead started the brighter side, but after Dulwich had offered very little for the opening 25 minutes, they were handed a soft penalty. One of their players was judged to have been brought down by Sonny, even though the ball had already gone out for a corner.

 

That left Leatherhead 0-1 down at half-time, which must at least have made it easier for the absent to focus on the craft stalls and the “better than ever” dog show.

 

The second half began with Leatherhead firing on all cylinders. Nathan turned back the clock to last season with a free-kick whipped into the bottom corner, leaving Hudson Sands — on loan from Chelsea and contracted until 2029 — rooted to the spot. If Alonso watches the highlights tonight, he may be tempted to loan him to Westfield at Step 8 instead.

 

Leatherhead were well on top when Kofi’s deflected shot put them into the lead. Then it all unravelled. Dulwich introduced five substitutes, all with pace and power, while Leatherhead looked to be running out of legs. Two of those subs went on to score — the equaliser arriving on 71 minutes when Sonny was lobbed, and the winner in the 92nd minute when a cross was not dealt with.

 

Ten points from the first six games is probably a couple fewer than performances have deserved.

 

FA Cup action follows next week but, more importantly, does anyone know who won the “Best Young Dog Handler” award at Peaslake Fair..?

Dulwich Hamlet are coming!

Old friends , Dulwich Hamlet travel to visit us today, for a Bank Holiday fixture that could see a big crowd at The Grove. While it’s been eight years since we played them in the league, it was only two years ago we beat 1-0 in the FA Cup. Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Eastbourne Borough 0 - 1 Tanners

After last week’s 4-1 loss, I drove to this game with a sense of dread, fearing Leatherhead fans might have to come to terms with two grim realities: a world without Dolly Parton — although Stretch’s slurred tribute made it sound as though he would always love Joey Barton — and what it feels like to lose away from home. Luckily, Leatherhead approached this one with a cup of ambition and snatched all three points at the end.

 

Leatherhead rode their luck, though. Despite having plenty of the ball and looking dangerous down the right wing, it was Eastbourne who clattered the woodwork twice — once in the first half from a powerful header, and then again in the second half from a looping shot.

 

Then, in the second half, the game swung in our favour. It was the referee’s first game at this level, and I thought he did rather well by letting the game flow and certainly not falling for the “touch and flop” antics of the Eastbourne defence. None more so than their captain, who was becoming increasingly frustrated that throwing himself to the floor was not bringing the reward he was used to.

 

He was eventually shown red after two quick yellow cards. The first was a nailed-on booking for a late tackle. For the second, he tried to be cute by bringing our player down from behind — not with a tackle, but by “accidentally” tripping over and rolling into his legs. The referee did the brave thing and sent him off, then heard language he probably would not expect to hear while teaching PE.

 

With the extra man, we pressed for a winner, and just like last season, it arrived in the closing minutes. A low cross from the right was helped on at the near post by The Lip’s Barrington, with Kofi on hand to bundle it in at the far post. 1-0.

 

Injury time seemed to last forever, but full-time finally came, and the players celebrated as though they knew they had come through a real battle. It was a huge three points that lifted us into fourth, but tough opposition awaits in the shape of our old friends Dulwich Hamlet tomorrow…

Travelling Tanners

Today we make the long trip Eastbourne Borough, where we meet a rival with exactly the same points, goals scored and conceded as us after four games.  An away draw, anyone?

 

For me the New Ground Klaxon sounds.  For some, they would have been here in 1997 when they beat us 2-1 in the FA Cup under the name Langney Sports.

 

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Tanners 1 - 4 Maldon & Tiptree

Today was a sobering slap in the face for Leatherhead. After going three games unbeaten, perhaps we had started to get a little carried away, but this was a heavy defeat against a side just as new to the league as we are.

 

Leatherhead looked surprisingly flat compared with the performances we had seen so far. We had plenty of the ball but did little with it. The game was defined by the overhit cross. Time after time, we worked the ball into promising positions, only for the final delivery to sail over the heads of any Leatherhead player hoping to get on the end of it.

 

Then, on the stroke of half-time, we conceded. A simple ball to the far post was met with a side volley and, despite Sonny’s attempt to save it, the ball crept over the line at the far post. 0-1.

 

The second half looked as though it was going the same way until we made a few changes. Kofi’s introduction allowed Hogan to play in a freer role and suddenly we sparked into life.

 

On 54 minutes, Hogan received the ball on the edge of the box, shaped to shoot, then slipped in Anas, who made no mistake to level the score at 1-1. From there, we battered the visitors, with shots going agonisingly wide and one effort blocked on the line.

 

Malden & Tiptree broke away and sent a lofted ball into the box, which was nodded down into the path of an unmarked player and powerfully smashed home on 77 minutes. 1-2. But we still had time and momentum to find an equaliser and perhaps even win it. Then it all fell apart.

 

On 89 minutes, they scored a third. I do not remember too much about it, as I was distracted by a butterfly on the pitch. I will never forget the fourth goal, though. Jackson was around 30 to 40 yards from goal when he received the ball out wide.

 

Inexplicably, he played a lofted no-look pass back towards Sonny, when, had he played a look-pass, he might have noticed Sonny was nowhere near his goal at the time. Given today’s crossing performance, any other Leatherhead pass would probably have sailed harmlessly over for a corner, but this perfectly measured effort lobbed the retreating Sonny, landed on the line, and bounced into the net. 1-4.

 

So, the first defeat of the season is on the board, and now we have seven days to dust ourselves down before the Bank Holiday fixtures against Eastbourne Borough and Dulwich Hamlet.

Maldon & Tiptree are coming!

When I see this club’s name I think of British hotels and small pots of jam, but cannot think of a footballing reason we know them.  Partly as they only became Maldon & Tiptree in 2010 and prior to that they played in the Isthmian League Division One North until they won their league last year.

 

Our guests had a tough start to their Premier campaign, losing 6-0 to Dulwich, but bounced back with a win against Averley (only to then go on and lose to Dartford).

 

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Is this the real life…?

Just a quick post to explain some of the “fantasy” options you have at your disposal.

 

Firstly, tonight is the opening game of the Premier League and if you play FPL you can join the Tanners mini league here (or share code prqpgp)

 

Additionaly, there is a free Tanners Fantasy game (that my son made), where you pick three Leatherhead players and get points for their achievements on the pitch.  That can be joined here.

 

Good luck!

Burgess Hill 2 - 2 Tanners

This was a tough workout for the Tanners — 28C, an artificial pitch, and a third game in eight days at a higher level.

 

The referee, a junior quantity surveyor, soon showed he couldn’t measure up. He compensated for his lack of height with a lack of ability. He conveniently ignored Sonny being pushed to the ground — perhaps it was too early in the game for a yellow — then forgot about playing advantage and reprimanded our bench for politely pointing it out.

 

Burgess Hill have almost as many bars as Westfield have excuses for bottling it last season, and a crowd of nearly 1,000 enjoyed the afternoon staying hydrated in the Sussex sunshine.

 

Cam Black was missing — well, he was named on the bench, but was clearly pretending — which meant Joe Jackson stepped in at centre-back.

 

Burgess Hill opened the scoring on 21 minutes with the follow-up to a saved shot. As we have come to expect, the resilient Tanners bounced back through a superb header from our man of nearly every match, Mark Waters, on 33 minutes.

 

Anas took us into the lead straight after half-time with a cool finish, but after that it was backs to the wall as Burgess Hill Town got an equaliser on 50 minutes and piled on the pressure with some slick football.

 

It’s not easy to beat us away from home — it’s been over a year — and we held out for a very hard-earned point.

 

Seven points from our first three games — we’d all have taken that. The lads get a well-earned week off from the league and can now look forward to a home game on Saturday. It might even rain.

Travelling Tanners

After a great start to the season, we get to travel to our old friends Burgess Hill.  You have to go back 10 years since we last played there, when we lost 3-2.  Let’s hope for better today.

 

Our hosts sit three points behind us, having tasted defeat on the opening day away to Brentwood Town.

 

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  Good luck fellas!

Tanners 4 - 1 Welling United

Coming away with three points on Saturday, after a determined second-half performance, was validation that we could compete at our new level — but that can all change with a couple of heavy defeats. So I entered the ground wondering whether Welling United, a side that probably fancies being there or thereabouts this season, would be the ones to knock us off our not-so-lofty perch. Any fears I had were soon put to bed as we unleashed an unforgiving attack that saw us race into a 4–0 lead by half-time.

 

Anas was first on the scoresheet. A Welling defender failed to cut out a cross and only succeeded in prodding it to Anas, who received the ball about 15 yards out on the right. The keeper must have anticipated a shot across goal, as he seemed wholly unprepared for the effort into the near top corner and could only get the slightest hand to it as it flew in. Just three minutes later he doubled the scoreline when a cross from the left was flicked down into his path a few yards from goal and he calmly slid the ball under the keeper.

 

Twenty minutes gone, 2–0 up, and still part of me worried that one goal from Welling would change the dynamic — but as we neared the end of the half, the game was effectively tucked up in bed. On 41 minutes, Dickson received the ball about 25 yards from goal out on the right and advanced towards goal. We all expected a cross to pick someone out, but instead he let fly with an audacious dipping shot that sailed over the keeper and into the far-side netting — our first goal at the far post of the season. Then, on the stroke of half-time, Waters took hold of the ball in central midfield and let fly after beating a couple of Welling players. The shot took a deflection and, once again, the Welling keeper looked like a man who wished he’d taken up golf instead. 4–0.

 

Into the second half, and Ian Selley activated “Let’s Not Do Anything Silly” mode as we played a far more measured game. The Lip’s Barrington forced a save with a header, and a smart corner routine might have produced another goal with a cleaner finish, but we were rarely troubled for the first 30 minutes. Then, following a number of changes, Welling increased the pressure, created some chances, and hit the post in the process. Eventually they got a consolation on 89 minutes, and had one of the earlier chances gone in, “Binfield” might have been muttered around the ground — but by then the game was won.

 

On to Saturday then, when we travel to Burgess Hill, who beat Three Bridges 3–2 last night…

Welling United are coming!

Tonight we welcome Welling United for the first competitive game that I can remember.  They travelled here in 2012 and 2013 for friendlies but cannot see where we played them outside of that.

 

Back then, Welling United got themselves into the Conference Premier before dropping back down to Conference South until their relegation in 2025.  With an opening day win, they look like a tough test for us tonight.

 

Meanwhile, you can pick your favourite Leatherhead players (well, up to three of them) and enter a side in the Tanners Fantasy League.  More details can be found here tannersfantasy.com.

 

Kick off at 7.45.  See you there!

Ramsgate 1 - 2 Tanners

Leatherhead got one of their longest trips of the season under their belts with a 2–1 win at Ramsgate yesterday, extending their unbeaten away run.

 

We started brightly and got our reward. Kofi picked up the ball on the left, cut inside and drilled a low shot into the bottom corner. It may have taken a slight deflection, but the keeper should have done better with his attempt to save it. 1–0.

 

Shortly afterwards, Ramsgate’s No. 18 lost his head and found the referee in a charitable mood. We were attacking down the right when he stormed in from behind, leading with a forearm into the back of the head and bringing our man down. On another day — or a little later in the game — it might easily have been a yellow, but he was instead let off with a talking-to. He was then involved in two more incidents, including one where the assistant appeared to spot something off the ball, and still only got another word in his ear. He was fortunate to still be on the pitch by the time he eventually picked up a yellow in the second half — at which point he finally piped down.

 

Meanwhile, Leatherhead had gone all England in the face of Argentinian-style pressure and were defending desperately for the last 30 minutes of the half — until we popped up with a second goal. A cross from the right sailed over everyone and found Murphy alone at the far post. His powerful volley beat the keeper, again at his near post, which perhaps offered a clue as to why he had No. 13 on his back.

 

It is a testament to last year’s squad that nine of them started this game. It is also a testament to the recruitment work that both of the new signings got on the scoresheet.

 

At 2–0, with only two minutes of added time left, Leatherhead relaxed. We relaxed a little too much and allowed Ramsgate to saunter down the left, put in a cross, and pick out an unmarked player to head home. 2–1, and in we went for half-time.

 

The second half was a completely different affair in terms of our confidence and control. Ramsgate rarely put us under pressure, while we dictated the game in search of a third goal. A few performances are worth calling out. The Lip’s Barrington came on for Breckon and completely changed our dynamic up front. Ramsgate’s No. 5 had Breckon well under control, but Barrington’s pace and power changed all of that and suddenly we had an outlet. He also hit the outside of the net when he again looked to beat the keeper at — no surprises — his near post. Hogan came on and had a good chance to get the third, but opted for a lob that sailed over. Lastly, Charlie Kennett — what a performance. He won his duels and was a constant thorn in the side of the hosts.

 

We held on for all three points and headed home strangely disappointed to be outside the play-off places on goals scored. On to Tuesday then, when we host Welling, who also won at home to Whitehawk.

Travelling Tanners

Since their revival, Walton & Hersham is a side we have not done well against so last week’s 2-1 win is the perfect way to end the pre-season and get into the season ahead.  This starts with the long trip to Ramsgate.

 

Ramsgate is a side we don’t play often.  There was the FA Sodding Trophy last season and then we have to go back to 2019 where we won 2-1.  Going back to 2013 we also opened the season and won 1-0 thanks to a Matt Smart goal.  Strangely I missed both of these away trips so the New Ground Klaxon sounds for me.

 

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Walton & Hersham are coming

Walton & Hersham arrive at the Grove today in our final friendly of the season.  I hope we can get through it without any injuries before we make the long trip to Ramsgate next Saturday.

 

Both sides enjoyed title winning seasons last year.  Our guests won the Southern League Premier South to earn promotion to the National League South for the first time in its history.

 

Kick off at 3pm.  Good luck fellas!

Ashford Town Middlesex Are Coming!

Luke Tuffs brings his side to the Grove as we near the end of our preparations for next season. Hydration breaks will no doubt be put in force today, as it looks hot out there. Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas.

South Park 4 - 2 Tanners

The bogey ground of South Park restored its calamitous effect on Leatherhead, as we came away from this fixture with a 4–2 defeat. The Lip also appears not to have lost its touch when it comes to sponsoring players, as no sooner had I confirmed I wanted to sponsor Marcel than I looked over to see him on the sideline with a bandaged knee.

 

South Park have worked hard on making the ground look a lot nicer, and we probably spent more time admiring it than we did Leatherhead’s play on the pitch. It did start brightly though, as Anas broke clear down the right and finished at the near post. Danny Bracken will struggle to get to his targeted 1,000 appearances with that attempt to keep it out.

 

Leatherhead’s dominance did not translate into more goals, so we went in at half-time ahead. I sent my son off to the car to pick up a cardigan as the temperature was dipping, so it amused me that we needed hydration breaks. I hope the World Cup hasn’t made this a permanent fixture…

 

Out they came for the second half, and it all went south for Leatherhead. First, a long-range shot found its way into the back of the net, and then a smart shot on the turn, just inside the box, also beat Sonny. Sonny was quickly swapped out to see if that would change our fortunes.

 

Nathan Hogan put us back on level terms with a finely placed curling shot from the left that clipped the post and went in to make it 2–2. Any hopes of going on to win it disappeared when South Park curled one in directly from a corner and then scored with another shot from distance.  2-4.

 

Preparations for next season will have to step up with the visit of Ashford Town (Middlesex) in the Luke Tuffs Derby.

Travelling Tanners

After the weekend’s comeback where Leatherhead turned out to be the Argentina of Surrey with a long range shot and a close-range header in the dying minutes (that reference made more sense when I drafted it before the final on Sunday) to beat Merstham 2-1, we travel to South Park in fine form.

 

Our hosts finished 10^th last season and were probably shaken by not getting the six points this bogey side usually get from us as we shook off the hoodoo and won both games without conceding.  That’s jinxed it, then.

 

Kick off at 7.45.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Merstham are coming!

Old friends, Merstham, arrive at The Grove today for our next friendly. Merstham play in the Isthmian South East division and finished 10th last season. Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas.

Tanners 3 - 2 Dorking Wanderers

For the first time in four years, Leatherhead not only made this game competitive but walked away with the trophy. After 5–1 last year and 4–1 the year before, it was starting to become one of those fixtures where you wondered when it would be polite to leave early. This year, though — with some promising-looking new signings — we looked the part.

 

Leatherhead survived an early scare when Dorking hit the post, but it was Leatherhead who opened the scoring. We won a free-kick outside the box and Hogan stepped up and — not deterred by the distance — bent it over the wall and into the side netting. 1–0.

 

The lead lasted around 20 minutes before it started to feel as though the game was heading in its usual direction. The ref awarded a soft free-kick, almost identical in softness to the one Mexico won just before half-time. The ball was sent in and George Nikaj finished it off. Four minutes later he picked up the ball just inside our half, drove at our defence and found the bottom corner with a low shot. Somehow, we managed to hold on until half-time and go in only 2–1 down.

 

The second half started and two things struck me. First, the Dorking “ultras” — prepubescent teens who swapped ends just to look “menacing”. I’d thought they’d stayed at the end we were shooting in during the first half because they’d gone there by mistake, but their decision to change ends after the break proved it was a deliberate ploy. They even wore matching all-black outfits in a further attempt to “intimidate”, but what they failed to realise is that, amongst other things, their middle-class Dorking background meant their uniform was purchased in stored like Urban Outfitters or Superdry. The Stone Island / Lonsdale-wearing youth of Moneyfields would have taken one look at this lot and run amok with them.

 

The second thought was just how much better the team that came out after the break looked. Dorking will say that was because they fielded some academy players. I’m sure they’ve done that in the past and still won 5–1, though. This time, we were taking the game to them and looking the better side.

 

An attack down the left found Anas unmarked. Despite the cross being a little high, he dispatched his volley coolly into the top-left corner. 2–2. Then Barrington started making his presence known.

 

Last season, Barrington’s late arrival gave the impression of someone who was handy to have around. In just 45 minutes here, he produced a man-of-the-match display and was a constant menace to the Dorking defence. So much so that on 80 minutes the Dorking “ultras” went back to the end they were shooting towards — this wasn’t fun anymore.

 

In the closing stages, he fired a shot onto the crossbar, scored from close range only for it to be ruled out for being a little too rough on the poor Dorking Wanderers keeper, and then finally got his goal. He received the ball on the penalty spot, made room for himself and then fired the ball into the top-left corner. 3–2.

 

So, the Advertiser Trophy and the Mole Valley are green and white again. Here’s hoping that continues into the season ahead…

Dorking Wanderers are coming!

After a game I couldn’t see and then midweek commitments, The Lip! comes out of its annual hibernation for the start of the season. Today we host Dorking Wanderers in the Advertiser Trophy. A game where the away fans can enter, drink and stand where they like. The civilised half of this annual competition. Kick off at 3pm. See you there!