Tanners 1 - 1 Canvey Island (4-2 on penalties)

Leatherhead repeated the feat of 2014 by knocking out Canvey Island on penalties in the FA Trophy, securing a place in the draw for the second round.

 

Our hosts are struggling in their league, so when Cameron Black pounced on a cross to prod the ball home, it looked like this was going to be a straightforward win. However, playing a Step 3 side generally brings bigger and faster players, and soon Canvey Island were back in the game. Had it not been for some heroic defending, it would have been 1-1 at the half-hour mark.

 

In the second half, their half suddenly became an UNESCO World Heritage Site, as we seemed too cautious to step foot in it while Canvey Island applied pressure. They got their reward when a defender bundled over a player off the ball (well, that is how it looked from behind the far goal), and the referee awarded a penalty. Sonny guessed correctly, but the penalty was too well placed. 1-1.

 

To our credit, we made a couple of changes and looked a lot more dangerous; on another day, one of the chances would have nestled into the back of the net. But they didn't, and off we went to penalties.

 

Canvey Island somehow managed to convince the referee that the default end was where they were shooting, leading to a mad dash to get there in time to see Waters stroke the first penalty home. Canvey missed their opener, and I was at least surrounded by more Leatherhead fans, so I could laugh loudly.

 

The next two penalties were saved, maintaining the 1-0 scoreline. The following two were scored, and suddenly counting to five twice became the hardest thing in the world as people declared it 3-2 when it was only 2-1. Both of the next penalties were scored to make it 3-2 with one left to score ("yes, if we score this one, we win").

 

This is where it started to go wrong. As Niran confidently strode up, their 'keeper decided to hold on to the ball for a bit too long, and Sonny wrestled it back. A mental note was taken…

 

Niran fired the ball into the top left corner – we won! – and as their 'keeper lay on the floor, Sonny ran past and no doubt congratulated him on his performance. The Canvey Island 'keeper was the most vanilla of 'keepers. No banter, very much the Steve Davis of the goalkeeping world, but there was something that Sonny "The Rocket" Wheeler said or did that caused him to react and push our No. 1 into the side netting as he collected his water bottle.

 

All hell broke out, with players running to join the melee. A supporter who had run onto the pitch to celebrate suddenly found himself and his young son in the middle of something bigger than he anticipated. He genuinely ran on to celebrate, probably expecting more to do the same, but he was very much mistaken. A fence that high would require a subsequent lengthy period of physiotherapy should I attempt to climb it.

 

This event will no doubt overshadow the fine win and have consequences for the next three games, as it appears Sonny was also shown a red card for violent conduct.

 

On to Monday, then, for the draw to see who we will play next…

Canvey Island are coming!

Old friends, Canvey Island, come to the Grove for the first round of the FA Sodding Trophy.

Expect a big crowd, so get there early.

Kick off at 3pm. See you there… I s'pose….

Tanners 2 - 1 Hanworth Villa

Despite the lofty position and form of Hanworth Villa, Leatherhead tore into our well-rested guests, and the end result could have been much more comfortable than the 2-1 scoreline suggests.

 

The first half was remarkably straightforward for Leatherhead. A Cameron Black header from a corner set us on our way in just 9 minutes. Nathan Hogan then doubled our lead by running onto a through ball and slipping it through the legs of the 'keeper. 2-0.

 

The second half looked to be as straightforward had it not been for the crossbar and some desperate defending. Anas, with his slight of foot, had bamboozled the visitors all game. He broke free and lobbed the stranded 'keeper, but it struck the crossbar and bounced down for Hogan to head into an empty net, only for it to be deflected away by a defender who had sprinted back to cover.

 

Chance after chance slipped by until the inevitable happened, and on 64 minutes, Hanworth Villa scored, making for a nervous last 25 minutes. What we needed now was a team of calm players and a sensible referee. That was too much to ask for.

 

In my opinion, it all went wrong for the referee when he booked Nathan Hogan for time-wasting while taking a corner. I don't think he was taking particularly long, and if he did delay, it was to understand the instructions the referee himself was shouting at him. A yellow card for time-wasting is a pretty low bar, so it was a surprise when no card was shown for a player who dove in and went over the ball to take down Nathan.

 

That wasn't even the strangest decision. Nathan was at the center of one of the next incidents, where he was through on goal, one-on-one with the 'keeper, and pushed the ball past him. He was just two or three steps from slotting the ball into an empty net when the 'keeper stuck out an arm and pulled him back. You could not get more of a red card offense, even if he had headbutted him in the face. The referee saw it, blew his whistle, and went for his pocket with the speed that indicated it would be a red, but pulled out a yellow instead.

 

The 'keeper was the chatty type and told us that he had gotten away with that one, then stayed on the pitch to save the well-placed Kane free kick (and will remain on the pitch next Saturday when he should be serving a suspension).

 

Hogan's third denial came from a powerful shot that beat the 'keeper but struck the crossbar again.

 

With five minutes of added time, the referee then went into meltdown and booked players from both sides for various minor infringements. Eventually, he blew the final whistle and then stood in the corner with stewards to hold his hand, indicating that he had had a shocker.

 

So, with us beating third-placed Hanworth Villa and second-placed Raynes Park Vale also losing, it was a good set of results to go into the week we play in the Trophy…

Hanworth Villa are coming!

A big game, in the league today, as we welcome third placed Hanworth Villa to The Grove… although they are second place on form with 13 points from the last six games.

 

They are certainly taking this game seriously.  They didn't even field a side in their midweek county cup game on Tuesday, so their players are well rested…

 

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

Hartley Wintney 0 - 0 Tanners

The good news is we won't have to play them again this season and hopefully next season either.

Hartley Witney with their own particular brand of time wasting, bus parking, pitch sloping, non grass cutting, hoofing, space oddity, park football have taken 4 points off us but the real losers are those that have to watch them every week.

Once again Hartley took their protein pills and put their helmets on to deny us a goal but this time they didn't fluke an early goal to defend. And God's love was with them as the ball never fell for us.

We missed Kane's creativity, who was unwell, and Mark Waters, who went off injured, meaning several players had to play out of position. Such was Hartley's lack of ambition that Niran was able to defend on his own for most of the game while the other 9 players tried to make a breakthrough as Major Selley tried a 1-0-9 formation.

Top of the league though still and we can commence countdown to playing Hanworth Villa on Saturday. Engines on….five…four….three….two…..

Travelling Tanners

The pressure is on us, as we are still top (I think) and we travel to Hartley Wintney in the league.

I can't make it, as I'm on a company trip shaking hands with astronauts.

Kick off at 7.30pm. Good luck fellas.

Tanners 1 - 0 Harrow Borough

For a side that had lost their last three away games, 4-1, Harrow Borough turned up and played a defensive masterclass as Leatherhead were frustrated – if not a little under pressure at time – for much of the 90 minutes.  Their goalkeeper was the most impressive, as what he lacked in physical size he made up for in athletic ability by pulling off some crucial saves to keep us out.

 

When Hogan was put through in only the second minute, it looked like Leatherhead were going to take control of the game, but his shot went straight at the 'keeper and Harrow woke up.

 

When occasion arises, I dip into a subject, and it always fills me with joy.  Collective nouns for animals.  In a previous match report, there was a pandemonium on parakeets, which matched "the confusion" of Leatherhead's attack at the time.  Today, in the first half, I was confronted with a loveliness of ladybirds behind the goal… but the only thing of such beauty on the pitch was the stunning save the 'keeper made from a Breckon shot that seemed destined for the bottom right corner.

 

Into the second half and another animal intervention when a dog, a new striker from Barking, ran on the pitch and ceased play.  I have finally seen this piece of footballing folklore.

 

We finally got our goal when the octopus of a 'keeper again saved a close range shot from Gallagher but after a brief melee, the fell to around the penalty spot to Hogan who placed his shot into the empty net.  I emphasise place, as the ball was painfully slow and I worried someone would be able to recover and save it, but it had just enough.

 

Onto Tuesday, where we play an in-form Hartley Wintney then…

Harrow Borough are coming!

Our old friends, Harrow Borough come to the Grove today as we try to keep our place at the top of the table.

The weather's so good, I'm cycling in.

Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Chertsey 3 - 3 Tanners (Tanners win 3-1 on penalties)

A game full of controversy and action was played out last night, proving the Surrey Senior Cup to be the best knockout trophy in the world. Upon arrival, the impressive Tuesday night crowd (of… cough… 399… cough) appeared to be in good spirits in anticipation of the game ahead.

 

By contrast to the second half, the first half was a tame affair. Leatherhead showed their intent in the first 10 minutes until Hogan received a nasty tackle on the edge of the box. The referee had already decided it was too early to issue a yellow card, as an earlier deliberate foul had also gone unpunished, and this one followed suit. Hogan then received a talking-to for not being injured enough to nearly score a "worldie" from the resulting free-kick. This seemed to take the sting out of our attack, allowing Chertsey to regain control.

 

Both opening goals came from defensive errors. Sonny managed to find the back of a defender with a clearance, and the loose ball was calmly slotted away by Karl Oliyide. 0-1. We struck back when their keeper could only palm a shot from range into the path of Breckon. 1-1.

 

As I sat down at half time and drank the most expensive cup of tea in non-league football, I genuinely thought we would come out and put this game to bed… but it looked like I was quite wrong as Oliyide raced toward a hat trick in the opening two minutes of the second half. More drama unfolded when a high ball seemed to be harmlessly landing about 30 yards out when Rileigh Hebditch (who had replaced Sonny at half-time) came out and "took the mark," inexplicably catching it about 10-15 yards outside the area. The referee came over, saw the young, apologetic keeper, must have said something like "ohhhh, you scamp," ruffled his hair a bit, and sent him back in goal, much to the annoyance of the Chertsey players.

 

The comeback really didn't look likely, so I sauntered toward the exit around the 80-minute mark. "Bye then," muttered a smug Chertsey fan just as Cameron Black thundered a header into the back of the net… 2-3. Soon after, the comeback was complete when Kane burst through the center of the area and fired in a volley. 3-3. "Auf wiedersehen, meine fraulein"…

 

I thought we had won it in the 90th minute when another Kane shot beat the keeper and appeared to hit the inside of the post, but it must have bounced back into the arms of the keeper. The referee failed to play all of the 2 minutes of extra time—which, given the four goals, substitutions, and the incident with Rileigh, seemed sparse—and sent us to penalties.

 

Since I had already moved toward the exit, I was in a prime position, behind the goal, to see the first Chertsey player place his shot well wide. I let out an involuntary laugh, a real belly laugh that drew the attention of the home supporters and made me a marked man for the rest of the shoot-out. We scored our first to make it 1-0, but there were still few Tanners supporters around me to help out if things went south. They scored, and we missed, increasing the barrage of low-level abuse coming my way.

 

Then Rileigh stepped up to save their third penalty from Oliyide, who took longer to dramatically face the other way and turn than to concentrate on actually scoring… or should I say he stepped out… A replay shows he was off his line when he made the save, but the linesman didn't give it. We scored. 2-1. From the next penalty, Chertsey hit the crossbar, and again the fans accused Rileigh of leaving his line. As the ball missed the target, unless the frame of the goal left its line early, I hardly see the relevance. We scored to make it 3-1 and sent us into the next round.

 

As a supporter of Leatherhead, I have trudged off disappointed after losing in this competition to teams like Ashford and South Park, so I was surprised at just how upset and angry the home supporters were. I had several supporters try to explain "the rules" to me, insisting that Rileigh should have been sent off for that handball, whereas the laws state nothing of the sort, as it did not deny an obvious goal-scoring opportunity. Our cameraman was at fault for something or other, as he looked bemused at the abusers while wearing hi-viz. Meanwhile, Josh Gallagher sits at home with a big glass of brandy and a wry smile.

 

Back to the league then on Saturday, with the visit of Harrow…

Travelling Tanners

Tonight we travel to our old friends, Chertsey Town, for the First Round of the Surrey Senior Cup.  Our hosts sit mid-table in the Southern Premier League and have recently parted company with their manager, Josh Gallagher… perhaps providing additional motivation for at least one of our players tonight.

 

Kick off at 7.45pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Tanners 4 - 1 Ramsgate

After a few tight wins we thought a thumping was going to be handed out at Binfield. Instead that game was another tight win, and the hammer fell on Ramsgate as the Tanners showed a kind of magic on the fields of Fetcham Grove.

The Rams took the lead on 18' as we played a bit too deep and were under pressure giving the visitors from a higher division a bit too much respect. At an impromptu drinks break the gaffer told that the lads that he wanted them to break free.

This started a much more attacking mindset and just before the break the superb Mark Walters on 40' and the rampant Anas on 44' sent us into the break with a 2-1 lead.

The 2nd half saw the best 45 minutes of the season in which the lads don't stop me now attitude saw Billy and Jordan add 2 more.

So another one bites the dust in the FA Trophy but the show must go on at Chertsey on Tuesday night as we start the trail to claim we are the champions in the Surrey Senior Cup.

In the side that Ian Selley has assembled we all have somebody to love. These are the days of our lives.

Ramsgate are coming!

After two 3-2 wins in the league, Leatherhead return to FA Sodding Trophy action with the visit of Ramsgate. A side we haven't played since 2019, and we also won 3-2.

Kick off at 3pm. Good luck fellas!