Haringey 0 - 1 Tanners

Match report via Jeremy Smith

Well in the absence of our media crew and our board a hastily set up committee was formed in the Tanners Tour Bus to take advantage of going to one of the best grounds in the Isthmian League, Haringey Borough.

 

Early auspices were not great with a player missing, though Nikki was looking particularly dapper and while Haringey took to the field looking like gladiators awaiting the arrival of a lambs to be slaughtered, the Leatherhead players crept out of the dressing room like naughty schoolboys clutching their bottoms.

 

However, this was a different Leatherhead team from Saturday, Stefan Brown was back at no. 9 and so was Crossley Lema. Jack Currie is now with us till January and we looked solid at the back for the first time this season.  The first half was reminiscent of the Horsham match and we should have been three ahead with a great looping drive from Dan Rowe in the opening minutes and several other shots. Will Seager was imperious in defense (I bet Bryan is looking that word up in the dictionary this morning) and Will Salmon came forward to great advantage, though had to run back pretty quickly as well. Haringey too looked dangerous on the break and if they hadn't gone for a conversion rather than a goal from about 12 yards out, we would have been one down.  They also had what was agreed to be one of the worst shots in the history of the modern game, a low rasping drive heading for the corner flag.

 

Half time came with honours about even.  I felt that at the time, I would have happily walked away with a draw, but after going round the one way system to buy a hot dog from the empty tea bar (***** with lots of onions), I went to try and find our illustrious match day secretary in the stand. I had just sat down on the middle of about 50 raucous Haringey fans when Dan Rowe scored a wonder goal.  My celebrations were muted but the Haringey guys behind me did ask if we were the same team that got slaughtered 7:0 on Saturday as they thought we were rather good. Though, those may not have been their exact words.

 

I had to leave the stand after another 20 minutes of "Tom Loizou's Blue and Yellow Army" to join the committee behind the goal in time to witness Zaki making yet another fantastic save.  It was also the first time in living memory that he never kicked the ball so hard it went for a goal kick at the other end.  We should have scored at least three more, Stefan had one disallowed for offside, Dan Rowe just missed a cross goal pass and Ryan Huckle should have scored with a header (his dad and brother is going to have words with him on that!).

 

And then came then the end-game, Misha )whose shorts seem to get longer every week), Dan Hector and Jerry came on and we started to get deeper and deeper but held out to the end. We did seem to still be passing the ball out to Great Evans who wasn't there (hope he's OK!!). I would have thought that keeping possession when 1:0 up with ten minutes left would seem to be quite a sensible game plan which we should practice more rather than kicking the ball out to the centre spot where there was no-one there.  Possibly slightly better than keeping giving away corners which luckily Haringey (unlike Horsham) where pretty shit at.

 

Anyway, a fantastic win, all Counsellors appointments cancelled, Valium thrown down the loo and Bowers and Pitsea is forgotten.  The League is ours together with the Velocity Cup, the FA Trophy, the Surrey Senior Cup and the Mrs Joyful Prize for Rafia Work.

 

Man of the match – could be Will Seager cos' his Dad bought me a pint but in reality it was Dan Rowe. Him and Stefan Brown really play well together.  Joe Leslie also put in a stint but like Travis last season, he needs to lay off the ball before going past the umpteenth defender.  Cracking free-kick though.

 

All in all a great game but it made me a little sad seeing the enthusiasm and friendliness of the Haringey fans, the number of volunteers and the wonderful community set-up.  This is what non-league football should be about.

Bowers & Pitsea 7 - 0 Tanners

I reflected Saturday night on the two games of football I had seen that day.  First up was my son's Under 17 team.  They had depleted numbers with only 12 turning up but Peter pulled up injured in the warm up, so they had no subs.  Their defensive midfielder then went off injured after 15 minutes, so they played one of the strongest sides with only 10 players.  They also had to contend with an incompetent referee's assistant (me), unable to keep up with play.  This team managed to keep the score to six and battled on to grab a goal themselves. 

Their manager, someone who attended this game also, told them that they should be proud of their hard work and fighting spirit; neither of which could be applied to Leatherhead .  It is hard to find players to praise.  Perhaps with a clever use of punctuation I could say Charlie, Hester & Cook to convince myself we had three worthy of praise... other than that I am struggling.

Toothless upfront we never looked like scoring apart from striking the bar from a well struck Charlie shot.  This gave Bowers & Pitsea free range to attack.  They opened the scoring with a freekick before a mix up gifted them the second.

The first half was a disaster, but we had the gale at our backs.  Now we faced an up-wind battle to get anything from the game and failed miserably as four goals - of which became such a blur I cannot begin to describe them - in twelve minutes.  I stayed on out of morbid curiosity to see how big the score could become but did leave early enough to be spared their seventh.

Haringey will be licking their lips for tonight's game, as we travel to North London... kick off at 7.45.

Travelling Tanners

Off to Basildon way for today's league fixture, after the bitter disappointment of the cup mid-week.

This was the game where we first saw Sherringham, a striker that strutted around like he had a famous dad but little desire.

Kick off at 3pm. See you there.

Tanners 0 - 0 Cheatsey (Leatherhead lose 4-5 on penalties)

With the ref's whistle still ringing in their ears, from having three players sent off on Saturday, Chertsey set their stall out to get in the faces of Leatherhead and get on top of the referee.  It worked, beautifully.  

Their bench stood on the touchline, ready to leap out and complain while their players surrounded the ref and pushed and shoved to get a reaction.  The writing was on the wall as early as the fourth minute when Charlie Hester-Cook got involved with a committed tackle (but nothing out of the ordinary) and up they all went and got him a yellow card (how he managed to stay on the pitch is beyond me).

The ref won't be on our Christmas card list as he went on to not give three potential penalties.  First Charlie was brought down and while the ball did move it was from a touch from the falling Leatherhead player as the defender got nowhere near it. Then the 'keeper dropped a ball, went to kick it, missed and cleared out a Leatherhead player with a high boot.  Finally, Jerry was clattered into as he waited for a header by a player making no attempt to win the ball.  There was even talk of a handball to make it four.

Then the moment that really changed the game.  A long ball and the chasing Evans was offside but either didn't hear the whistle or didn't care and carried on.  The 'keeper, oh so innocent despite being sent off on Saturday, came out and they met with a bang.  Both with legs raised but the lino only saw one guilty party and Great Evans joins the ranks of Joe Sheerin, Sammy Moore and Dave Stevens for being sent off for violent conduct in a FA competition.

Leatherhead, with ten men, went onto work; hard.  Chertsey had one or two chances but had no real answer to the defensive problem Leatherhead had set.

Leatherhead were further incensed when he awarded Chertsey a penalty in the last few minutes.  The ball clearly struck the raised arm of a Leatherhead defender but he didn't give it.  After three or four seconds, our old mate the lino stepped in and gave it.  Their number five, who may as well have taken the whistle off of the ref, stepped up and smashed it into the bar.  Justice was, temporarily, served.

Under the new format, there is no replay nor - thankfully - extra time.  Just straight to penalties.  Supporting Leatherhead is much like supporting England.  The hope and endeavour, only to bravely lose and I was reminded of England v Argentina as we stepped up to take our penalties.

All of Chertsey's penalties were confident and gave Zak no chance.  Our first two were unconvincing but did the job.  Our third looked dodgy from the start; I never like a player that takes an extra hop, skip or jump and that's what he did before sending it into orbit.  

Our fourth was well taken and then Zak stood up to take one.  Those who travelled to Charshalton were already heading for the door but he probably took our best penalty, powerfully sending it to the side netting.  Credit then to the Number 5 who, having missed one, must have felt the pressure but powered his penalty into the top corner.

Out of the FA Cup we crash and no lick our wounds for the trip to Bowers & Pitsea on Saturday...

Travelling Tanners

Tonight we travel to Chertsey for this banana peel of a game.  Our hosts know all about FA competitions; winning the FA Vase in 2019, beating our old friends Cray Valley PM in the final.

While it is always disappointing conceding a relatively late equaliser, a 1-1 draw against Horsham isn't to be sniffed at.  Apply the same intensity and we should be fine...

Directions can be found on your printed ticket (not on pink paper please!).  Kick off at 7.45.  See you there!

Tanners 1 - 1 Horsham

The league's biggest crowd turned up to watch the A24 Derby and they were in for a treat, as the two sides gave it their all.

Horsham like to build their play from the back, so Leatherhead pressed them hard from the start and got their reward.  I missed the opening goal as I turned to stand on the correctly coded step, but looked back in time to see their 'keeper flailing in the air as the ball powerfully shot into the side netting.  What a strike from Misha (so I'm told).

With pressing so high Leatherhead were always going to be subject to a ball over the top but other than a couple of chances, Leatherhead dominated and really should have built on their lead.  They didn't though and so into the second half with the usual sense of inevitability.

Sure enough, Horsham came out a different side and for the first 15 minutes I have no idea how we held on.  We did though and went on to turn the tables and pile the pressure back on Horsham.  Then we needlessly lost possession from a throw in and the game shifted back with Horsham getting their equaliser from a set piece.

Great Evans struck the bar and in the last minute was pulled down in the box but the ref, far too high in the FA to be bothered with decisions like that, waved it away with confidence bordering arrogance.

A repeat of the opening game last season then and all eyes now focus on the FA Cup on Tuesday...

Horsham are coming

Opening game of last season we were treated to a new ground and a one all draw with our newly promoted local rivals.  This season sees us return the favour, hosting our old friends at the Grove.

Attending football is a privilege. A privilege I can't see us enjoying beyond October, so make sure you get to The Grove and enjoy it.

Kick off at 3pm.  See you there!

It is Chertsey Away

Leatherhead face Chertsey away in the FA Cup in a banana skin of a game.  Game to be played on 22 September.

Oh, and while you are there.  The Ramsgate friendly has been cancelled as our visitors have suffered a string of injuries. 

Tanners 0 - 1 Beaconsfield

Not a Great day all round... I woke to find my garage had been stripped on two of my bikes, my son's football team were soundly beaten in their first league game and Leatherhead had a home friendly.

10 minutes into a good contest Tanners break through only to be felled by a defender.  Penalty and red card surely.  No, the ref bottles it. Unbelievable.  Then on 25 mins Tanners were one down.  A well-worked move on the left finished and off at the far post. Bit against the run but the ref was Beaconsfields 12th man at this point.

In the dying minutes of the first half Leatherhead finally got a penalty and up stepped Great Evans to equaliser.  His attempt was a far cry from the instinctive finishing we had seen at Whyteleafe.

The Lip often shys away from singling out players but Great did not go on to have a good game.  He seemed to lack power and any desire to impose himself on the game.  Much depends on him to drive our season forward, so I hope for a return to form soon.

Strangely we have a fixture just a few days before the start of the season, a visit from Ramsgate on Tuesday...

Whyteleafe 3 - 4 Tanners

Back to the 'Leafe and what a thoroughly enjoyable experience it was.  On arrival we signed in at a table manned by two non-uniformed volunteers.  A quick squirt of hand sanitizer and into the ground where we took responsibility for our actions without the need for marshals, just a couple of volunteers standing by the main gate.  No hi-viz.  No radios.  No body cameras.  Super.  Smashing.  Great.  Unbelievably, I could also walk in and out of the ground with gay abandon (although, their tea bar etc. is beyond the turnstyle to be fair).

On the pitch, it turned out to be one of the best friendlies I have seen Leatherhead play in.  Both sides were committed to winning and refused to give an inch as the tackles and goals flew in.

Leatherhead did not get off to a good start, perhaps failing to adjust to the artificial surface, and went 0-1 to a penalty.  Great Evans, who had just missed a clear header, instinctively spun and struck a ball into the box to make it 1-1.

Not soon after we were down again.  Whyteleafe were given too much space inside the box and a low strike across goal made it 2-1.  Rumours now started circulating that Whyteleafe had a wonder-kid that was being looked at by Man City and West Ham... that explained it... but then it turned out he was already on trial and we were, in fact, losing to the robust combative Whyteleafe I remember well.

Stefan Brown hit a powerful shot into the roof of the net to make it 2-2 and into half time.  The half time interval was a very polite affair.  

Normally players have loud "bants" and practice aimlessly blasting the ball into spectators behind the goal.  Not tonight.  They quietly passed the ball around and when they did practice shooting, Andrew Briggs stood out as he purposefully bent freekicks passed the reserve 'keeper.

The second half saw Leatherhead race to a 4-2 lead.  Great Evans showed his instinct for goal agan with a powerful shot, seemingly coming from nowhere, into the bottom right.  Then Ryan Huckle latched onto a cross with a powerful header to make it 4-2.

Satisfied with the decision to make the trip, I left early and missed Whyteleafe's third goal.  We are scoring, which is a plus, but conceding three may be a concern for Nikki as will missing two one-on-one chances which you would hope would be slotted away.

Beaconsfield on Saturday at The Grove then...

Travelling Tanners

I don't think I have been to Whyteleafe for 17 odd years, but there is a chance to reacquaint myself with the ground when we face them in a friendly tonight.

Five goals against Staines was very encouraging.  Let's hope that continues against a side who have already won a competitive game in the FA Cup, beating Glebe 3-1 away.

Kick off at 7.45.  Directions can be found here.

Tanners 5 - 0 Staines

On the form he was in, if Leatherhead had played Percy upfront he would have no doubt scored a hattrick.  While pleas for help to clear the car park went out, one man single handedly sorted it all out.  As it happens, Great took his spot and responded accordingly.

Leatherhead have been a bit goal shy over the last couple of games and today proved to be a chance for people to find their scoring boots.  Hester-Cook being the first to take his opportunity with a trademark run into the box and a cool low finish via the near post.

Great Evans showed he could be the ideal poacher for his next two goals.  A Will Salmon header had lobbed the 'keeper and the ball was undoubtedly heading over the line but Great made sure.  Hester-Cook then stung the hands of the 'keeper and Great was at hand to follow-up the rebound.

Into the second half and the goal of the day.  A free kick on the edge of the box was powered into the top right corner by Andrew Briggs.  4-0 and with the game over you would expect it to peter out but a moment of madness from madness conceded a 89th minute penalty (with a red card thrown into the bargain), which allowed Great to step up and earn his hattrick.

Whyteleafe away on Tuesday...

Staines are coming

Staines come to the Grove today for this latest friendly.  They ply their trade in the step below but will no doubt give us a good work out.

Help is needed at The Grove.  Some unexpected guests have left a bit of a mess in the car park and hands are needed to get ready for the game. If you have time, get to the Grove from 9am.

Kick off at 3pm. Free for season ticket holders; £5 without.

Farnborough 0 - 0 Leatherhead

I wasn't at the game but by all accounts but Leatherhead did everything but score.

We partook in some goalmouth scrambles and forced a couple of fine saves but the goal failed to materialise.  The lack of goals may be a slight concern but we kept a clean sheet against a similarly placed side.

Next up, Staines on Saturday at The Grove...

Travelling Tanners

Leatherhead continue their pre-season development with a trip to Farnborough.  A club I feared for when we last played, due to enforced relegation looming over them.  Good to see them bounce back as I very much enjoyed my trip to their ground when we met in the league.  Winning 3-1 helped.

Farnborough have published their ground COVID guidelines, so you can read up in advance of going.  It is £10 to get in, although under 16s are free.

Kick off at 7.45.  Directions can be found here.

Tanners 0 - 2 Dorking Wanderers

Leatherhead failed, again, to beat our new local rivals in a game that was over almost as soon as it started.  There was so much to look forward to at the start of the game and you had to marvel at the level of organisation in order to get the game on.  The club has had to re-shuffle its deck of friendlies in order maximum the benefit in light of everchanging government guidelines.  We are going to be stuck with COVID for the foreseeable future, so we may as well find a way to make it happen was my view, well, at least going into the game...

Dorking, on familiar territory having used - allegedly - Fetcham Gove to train on grass prior to the play-offs, got off to a flying start and were absolutely ruthless.  While Jerry showed some fight by levelling a Dorking player who refused to let go of his shirt in the opening minute, it signified the only resistance while they stormed down their right wing to set up the opener on three minutes.  Just two minutes later, a striker was allowed two meters of space and fired home the second.  

A bit selfish of Dorking really as now the game was over, they simply were a class above.  There was little we could do to put them under pressure and just when I thought we might make it interesting my son popped his head up from behind the fence and into the perfect storm.

Tensions were building behind the goal due to the stewarding which two supporters (who I would typically describe as jovial and the thoroughly amenable) felt was too intrusive.  Just then my son pops his head up from behind the fence, informing me that he was denied access to the ground after heading out the back to fetch a ball that had been fired over in the half-time warm-up.  This will be easily sorted, I thought.  

The steward saw me arrive with my son (as I stupidly printed my tickets on pink paper, thus confusing the system) and this simple misunderstanding would be ironed out.  No steward would leave a 15 year old boy outside the ground with his father inside the ground having explained the situation, would they?  Apparently so.

Luckily Gerald was at hand and explained that I was indeed his father and he should be allowed back in.  I was rather placated at this point, until I attempted to leave the ground.  One of the stewards, who had originally denied him access, now blocked our path; accusing him of "illegally" reentering, so the boy who was denied reentry was now being denied to reexit.

I want football at the Grove to work.  I stood on a spot for 30 minutes, behind the Bernard Edwards' Stand, because I thought you had to.  I do however believe there is a balance to ensure fans feel both safe and welcome.  Having spoken to the club this morning I believe they will find a way to achieve this so we can see in the season in good spirits.

Oh, congratulations to Dorking for the convincing win.