Marlow 4 - 0 Tanners

You would cry too, if it happened to you.  Another birthday and another defeat, but more crushing than I had anticipated.

I arrived at the ground in good spirits, but this didn't last long as Marlow slotted away their first goal on 7 minutes.  A Marlow player was allowed too much time on the ball and made space to put it calmly away.

1-0 soon became 2-0 when we all played musical statues and allowed Marlow a free shot on goal.  We held out for a bit longer before we conceded a third in a manner I have blanked from memory.

As we changed ends I saw the famous chef, Tom Kerridge, enjoying the game.  I had naively thought he was slaving away in the kitchen where I had enjoyed my birthday lunch, but realised my curse had not only made him a little bit richer but also provided him with an eventful afternoon of football.

Early into the second half I popped into the bar when a muted cheer went up.  "If it's a Marlow goal you all get a discount, if it's Leatherhead you pay more!" announced the bar manager to the weary travelling supporters.  With business sense like that, Marlow will soon go out of business.  Of course it was a Marlow goal and it was now four ruddy nil.

Dave Tarpey started the half, coming on with the thankless task of rescuing us at 3-0 and his job was now harder.  The damage was done and we caused enough problems to limit the damage.

On to Saturday where we hope to avoid storm damage on Thursday as well as to our league position.  A loss will see us 10 points off of the lead...

Travelling Tanners

I have bad news for Hayden.  Tomorrow is my birthday and, from memory, we have only won once in the 25 years we have played when I celebrate this milestone.  The first being Rushden & Diamonds, where a cruel last-minute equaliser meant a mid-week 4-0 thrashing away in the replay. Sudbury is a nice win to have under the belt though.

We live in hope though and the trip to Marlow looks daunting, even without my hex.  They sit one point about us having scored 8 more goals and have won four games in a row.  They do have a pretty wooden stand, so there is that to look forward to...

Kick off at 3pm.  Directions can be found here.  See you there!

Tanners 3 - 1 Abbey Rangers

A second half goalfest sees Leatherhead through to the next round of the Surrey Senior Cup; a competition we should finally get our teeth stuck into.

The first half had its moments but after buying a cup of tea on 42 minutes, I felt confident that if I went into the bar to secure a table I wouldn't miss any action.  Table secured; no action missed.

The second half was a different kettle of fish.  Less sideways passing and more intent was the modus operandi and it paid off.

Firstly Splatt was given far too much respect and the defender backed off too much as he strode into the box.  A confident shot was placed into the bottom right hand corner.  Where would we be without our scoring defenders?

Then a moment of wonder from Abbey Rangers.  Our 'keeper came out to clear a ball but found an Abbey Rangers player who went for the lob.  I couldn't call it a deft lob, it was more of an orbital-intergalactic one.  High it went beyond the main beam of the flood lights so the ball dimmed in the highest point of its arc.  The down it came, landing perfectly beyond the line and into the roof of the net.

The long-cold-boney hand of penalties seemed to be resting on our shoulders until Omar Lawson struck.  Picking up the ball on the edge of the box, he danced around three players before finding the bottom corner with a powerful strike.

Hector sealed the deal with a low strike from range, bending the ball around a defender to beat the unsighted 'keeper.

On we go to Marlow then, who suddenly look like world beaters...

Abbey Rangers are coming!

Abbey Rangers, who sit in 9th place in the Combined Counties, come to the Grove tonight for this Surrey Senior Cup fixture.

It is "Pay want you want" deal on the gate and the pitch looks like it has recovered from Storm Babet.  Like us, our guests have score 14 goals but have conceded nearly three times as many.

Kick off at 7.45.  See you there!

Game off

The morning's rain was a drop too far and the game is off.

Hopefully it dries out in time for Tuesday…

Tanners 0 - 0 Northwood

There was once a time when watching Leatherhead, under the lights, on a Tuesday night was a thing of wonder.  In recent weeks it has become a trip to the hygienist who is running 30 minutes late for your appointment.

Northwood came with a game plan to frustrate, but still had enough in the locker to give us a scare.  Missing a free tap in at the far post on about 10 minutes was the first and most notably warning sign. 

Leatherhead could have scored from range in the early exchange, with a gaping open goal, but the first time shot bent wide.

Other than that, Northwood had the measure of us.   Our crosses were picked off one by one. Some were tantalisingly close to completion to set up a good attempt at goal but somehow a boot or head got in the way.

Frustrating but we come back here to make amends on Saturday.  Saturday!

Northwood are coming

Northwood make the difficult midweek journey to the Grove for the first of the trilogy of home games.  

We will go top with a win and our hosts sit near the relegation zone.   That said we got battered at their place last season when their tall striker proved too much to handle.

Kick off at 7.45pm.  See you there!

Uxbridge 1 - 3 Tanners

A match report as late as Leatherhead left it to grab the victory on Saturday.  Two goals in the dying minutes were enough to beat a side playing in front of a large home crowd, welcoming them home.

On arrival, we were impressed how friendly the hosts were.  Excited to be back at their stadium (new pitch, not a new ground for me) they greeted us with smiles and a pay as much or as little as you like policy.

They were as welcoming on the pitch, as after just a few minutes we were 1-0 up.  A free kick (that I did not think the ref was going to give) was swung in and Ollie Cook rose to head back across goal.  It seemed to take an age to find the far post and sneak in but the 'keeper could not get to it.

Watching the game also told us just how good Chertsey were.  Uxbridge are a good side, but they were nothing compared to how Chertsey controlled us in the week.

After controlling the game for about 30 minutes we dropped off and suddenly everything seemed like hard work.

This continued into half time and sensing a delay on the M25 I popped to the facilities on 82 minutes.  I re-emerged by the bar on 85 minutes, as Rod was no doubt sharpening his pencil for another tirade, as Ollie Cook pivoted in the area to strike a ball in the top right hand corner. 2-1.

By the time I had reached the corner flag it was 3-1.  Leatherhead won the ball back from a last ditch Uxbridge attack, then feeding in Trevan who made no mistake on the break.  3-1. 

A great win, in the end, and onto tonight...

Travelling Tanners

Leatherhead hit the A3-less road to Uxbridge today in this league fixture.

Uxbridge are doing a "pay what you think it's worth" promotion today. Question is, can you pay after the game…

Kick off at 3pm. See you there!

Tanners 0 - 1 Chertsey

I had a nightmare with the preview for this.  I got the opposition wrong about who knocked us out of the league cup.  I mixed up the weeks and thought it was only this and one other fixture being played.  I wish I had got the date wrong, as then I would have been spared this disappointing defeat.

Chertsey came and did a real number on us last night.  They forced our usual penetrating attack to mild flirting and at no real point did we even ask our guests out for a coffee.

After a very nervous start we did have some good spells; notably around the 20 minute mark for about 20 minutes and the opening 15.  In that time we had a good chance, with Dan Hector running on to a loose ball on the penalty spot, but another player got in his way and they both left it to bounce harmlessly away.

In the last 15 minutes, we had the moments of controversy that could have swung the game our way.  A powerful shot was blocked and saw the ball bounce high in the box.  One of our players attacked the ball but no real attempt to win it as a defender was rushing in with a high boot.  

Contact was made with our player but the defender let out the loudest shout and went down holding his foot.  The ref and seen and heard enough and out came the yellow card for our player for daring to be kicked in the head.

We hoped that might rally us into action but the ball went down the other end and they scored.  A long ball was met by both their attacker and a defender.  We got there first, the ball struck their player (perhaps even off an arm) and bounced kindly for him to run on and score into the bottom corner.

Chertsey then managed the game well.  Using their bodies to shield the ball and then falling down to win free kick after free kick.  Frustration grew and a scuffle broke out after we fouled badly.  Despite multiple players being involved, the officials only saw fault with one of our defenders with an additional yellow card being shown.

Not the night I had hoped for and on we go to Uxbridge on Saturday...

Chertsey are coming!

So, the cold wet fish that is the FA Codding Trophy slapped us around the face with defeat at Westfield.  Sadly, a chance to host Hungerford slips by.

But tonight we have bigger fish to fry as we host Chertsey in the league, in what could be the biggest game of the season so far.  Our guests didn't knock us out of the League Cup, that was Chipstead,  but with RPV slipping it up it could be a chance to build a buffer.

Kick off at 7.45.  See you there and tight lines, everyone!

Travelling Tanners

Leatherhead rush Headlong into the third qualifying round and chance to get into the first round proper of the FA Sodding Trophy, where better non-league teams enter.

Hopefully our Hitman, Travis continues his scoring form in this competition.

I'm not going. Not due my petty boycott, but because I'm partying near Skegness. It's a hard life.

Kick off at 3pm. Find your own sodding way there. Good luck fellas!

SCM 0 - 1 Tanners

Leatherhead win on the road after playing some pretty football, scoring an ugly goal and after surviving some late scares you could say the game was pretty ugly.

Overall, we outplayed our hosts being confident on the ball and being a tad unlucky not to score more.  With the ball at our feet, we looked unplayable as a drop of a shoulder sent their defenders for a hotdog, then back for mustard and then back again for a napkin... or maybe even toilet roll.

Our goal was as brilliant as it was fortunate.  A sublime pass picked out Travis who had made a well timed run, to see him completely clear on goal.  The ball got slightly stuck at his feet and that bought enough time for their defender to come sliding in and make a clean tackle... but the ball shot straight into the back of the net.

The second half didn't have quite the same intensity but still continued to play confident passing football.  As the game entered the final 10 minutes (which was remarkably late due to the tardy ref) it became both the most comfortable and precarious 1-0 lead I have seen for a while.  

We would have a spell of attacking possession and then in a flash we would desperately defend a goal mouth scramble only to launch another attack by confidently passing it out from the back.

So Leatherhead go top but this may not be the case at the weekend as we are in FA Crappy Trophy duty while RVP play in the league...

Travelling Tanners

Off we travel to see Sutton Common Rovers, knowing a win will send us top over Raynes Park Vale.  

Our hosts sit just three points behind us, albeit having played one more game, in fifth place.  Chuck in a plastic pitch and it isn't going to be easy.  They now play at Whyteleafe... I wonder if SCR's supporters will sit in the stand, refuse to change ends and moan constantly...

Kick off at 7.45.  Directions can be found here.  See you there?

Tanners 5 - 0 Thatcham

Leatherhead put in the kind of performance that not even Rod could pour cold water on it in one of his official match reports, as we score four second half goals to take all three points.

Not for the first time this season, we started the strongest side butt his time we made it count.  We should have perhaps had a penalty on 7 minutes when a defender slid through Robinson but the ref gave a corner.

Since I announced we never score from corners, we have scored two in three games; you're welcome.  Beanie's powerful-swinging cross beat (the first man!) the 'keeper and found Cook's head and gave their defence no chance.

Only 1-0 at half time and you could be worried that one slip could see us drawing again,but those  nerves were eased after just 66 seconds.  A hopeful ball into the box looked like a routine catch until a defender got involved, ignoring the shout, and headed it over their 'keeper.  The bouncing ball was gratefully headed home by Robinson.

Four minutes later, we score a third after a Hector run down the left allowed him to cut it back to Lawson who dispatched it into the top corner.

Soon we were playing 1970's Brazil-style passing football and after about 40 passes an Hector hit the post.  

The ref, having helped out Thatcham by not giving a penalty in the first half, tried to help them again by only taking back their wall about 6 yards.  It mattered not, as Lawson bent the ball around the wall to sneak it in via the near post.  Unlucky ref.

Just as the game is about to end, we scored a fifth.  This came from  a new policy of trying to score a goal from further out than 2 yards.  We were shooting more and, while the River Mole has a couple of extra balls in it, it made us feel a lot more of a constant threat.  Kanali Barton led the breakaway down the middle, with options on either side, but the defenders backed off  too much and his shot found the side netting.

Comprehensive then and on we go to Wednesday, where a win against SCM could see us go top...